Monday, January 31, 2005

I got Fandango'd, but I didn't even get kissed...

Vanessa here!

Monday morning...back to work, trudging through the brown slush and sixteen-foot snow drifts that are apparently permanent fixtures now here in Beantown.

The date? Oh...is that what you want to hear about? Well, fine...

To recap, I was set up on a date by my roommate, Mia, to go out with this Harvard grad student named Roland Wexelblat. Don't let the name fool you, ladies, he was a babe and a half. Corn silk colored hair, blue, blue, blue (did I mention they were blue?) eyes and a bod that said "Hi, I work out six times a week." Too bad the personality and manners didn't live up to the pretty packaging.

So, I'm standing there at the Park Street Station, freezing my japonica plant off, when I see this guy with no coat bound over to me. First thought was, "Dude, it's twenty degrees," but then I was horrified to see that he was wearing FLIPFLOPS! No...I'm not kidding. Flipflops from the Harvard University bookstore, apparently, since there was the Harvard crest on them. And Roland didn't seem bothered at all. He had on baggy khakis that drug the ground enough to show a circle of wetness from the snow and he wore a maroon t-shirt (that read "All this and Fresh Breath") over beige long johns. Oh...and let's not forget the backwards cap.

Did someone not tell him this was a date? I mean, I shaved my legs for goodness sake!

Fine. I try not to judge. We walk over to the alley to Sweetwater Cafe. Roland pulls out this coupon for a free appetizer and orders Buffalo wings. Then he says to me, "you want something?" Umm...YEAH, jackass! I ordered spinach and artichoke dip, which I paid for myself. Apparently, going Dutch is something big from where he's from.

Oh...that would be Rome, Georgia. He went to undergrad at this small, Baptist college called Shorter College. Then, he "came North" to go to grad school. On his cap was a cartoon image of the statue of Romulus and Remus with their mother wolf. He said there was a statue just like that in Rome and one time, he and his buddies put Pampers on the statue...and the hat always reminds him of that. Why he feels compelled to tell me this, I'm not sure.

I'm going with the flow, though...trying to be charming, tossing my hair just right, asking him questions about himself. He dropped a blob of blue cheese dressing on the sleeve of his shirt and proceeded to lick it off. It prompted me to order a second appletini.

So fine...Sweetwater was a bust and I'd used my getting home cab money to pay for my snack and drinks. We get to Loews Theatre on the Common and he pulls out his credit card from his wallet. Cool...he's going to be a good date now and treat me to a movie. He walks over to the Fandango machine and swipes his plastic and turns to me and says, "I hope you don't mind, but I went ahead and bought a ticket to THE AVIATOR." Fine with me...I want to see Leonardo. Then, Roland turns...with one ticket in his hand. Umm...where is mine? This guy actually Fandango'd himself, but I had to go stand in line. Thank heavens the Fleet card has some dough on it. The nerve of him! I mean, what i the eight o'clock showing had sold out or something? Would he have expected me to go see something on my own and then meet up later? This was fast becoming the strangest date ever and I began thinking of ways to torture Mia for this set up.

We get into the theatre and it's packed. I mean, paaaaaaaacked. We had to sit all the way in the back, crammed in the middle, and I had to hold my coat the whole time. About an hour and a half into the movie -- nearing the second time Leonardo crashes a plane -- I hear this light snoring. I turn and look and it's Roland! Propped up with his chin in his hand, he's out cold. On screen, an airplane is shattering, exploding, crashing into the roofs of houses...fire, flames, poor Leo screaming...and Roland is asleep? He must sense I'm looking at him because his eyes pop open and he wipes at non-existent drool and says, "This movie's too loud to sleep through."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, after the movie was over and we wandered back into the cold, I headed straight for Park Street telling Roland I had an early cardio kickboxing class (yeah, right!) in the morning. He smiles, tells me he's had a great time (what????) and moves in to kiss me. Is this guy insane? I mean, he's cute, sure...but does he really think I'm going to give him some tonight? But wait...he didn't kiss me, but instead, rubs his cheek against mine and half hugs me before saying we should do this again.

I don't think so, spud.

I stopped at the corner market on the way back to my apartment and bought a bag of Lindt chocolates and a bottle of Wolf Blass Yellow Label Shiraz and realized that I'd been Fandango'd, but I hadn't even been kissed. Some Friday night. I think I'll stay in this weekend.

Double Vee

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marley,

This sounds like the date from hell! It was a fun read though. :)

Pam

10:34 PM  

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