Tuesday, February 08, 2005

New office policy: Drop the Gloves!

Vanessa here...

Try getting around anywhere in the greater Boston area this morning and forget it. The World Champions (Patriots, in case you're wondering...not to be confused with the Red Sox...and how is it "world" champion when they don't play anyone from another country? Just wondering...) are in town for a victory parade. Good for them...they had a good season and deserve to celebrate. Any team that shut up the NFL Peyton Manning marketing machine is okay in my books. I mean, what's with the NFL being sooooo in love with him? He's not cute, he's losing his hair and he's a mouth breather. Sincerely...has he ever won a playoff game? I don't think so. But, I digress...the parade...the traffic...you cannot get anywhere. Hordes of people, cars everywhere, packed trains. And the cops are stopping traffic out on the interstate to let the team buses pass through. For heaven's sake, there wasn't this much police presence on 9/11 and last summer's DNC.

Cool thing at work, though is that they let us "dress down" today in celebration of the victory. A couple of smart asses wore their Philadelphia Eagles jerseys in protest, but mostly it's a sea of red, blue and silver. Me, I'm wearing a Boston Bruins jersey. (I don't own any Patriots attire, so I went with the sport I watch.) Okay...now I know the NHL is, like, on strike and the league may never exist again as we know it, but what can I say, I liked hockey. And some of those scruffy players clean up real nice. It's a great game with the fast-paced action, the sound of the ice, and sure...the pounding into the boards and the beatings people take.

Now, I'm not a violent person, but wouldn't it be cool if you could settle things that way at your office? I mean, someone pisses you off, disses your work ethic or accusses you of some sort of stupidity like stealing coffee or something from the kitchen. Well, you just put on pads, suit up and go at it. Drop the gloves, baby! Think of how much less tension there would be in the work place. And, of course, your team mates (my marketing buddies, for example) would take up for you and keep the other people away as you fought for your honor. I know I'd love to take a shot at a couple of our sales guys who are always complaining about the way we do things in marketing. Or that stodgie old guy in Human Resources who's always scowling at us for laughing at work and trying to have fun. I'd be great...I could drop the gloves, lower my shoulder and slam him into the boards (a cube), taking swings at him. Then, I'd pull his suit jacket over his head and smack him in the head until the office referee showed up to call the fight. Afterwards, we'd go into a "think about it box" for five minutes to cool off and then we'd go back to work.

I think I'm on to something. Office Hockey. I'd work! People would be nicer, more understanding and better team players. I think I'll pitch this idea to my boss, she's always saying to me, "Vanessa, I hired you to be creative, so bring any ideas to me."

Maybe not. Then you'd have to hire an office doctor to tend to everyone's wounds and give us stitches so we can go back to work. It's hard enough for Vanessa Virtue to find a date with a decent boy as it is without a gash over my left eye.

Ah well...there's a direct e-mail marketing campaign sitting here for me to do. Best get to that. I'm no slacker.

Until next time...

Double Vee


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love this idea! What a concept. Sales, marketing, tech support, finanial people -- they all wear different jerseys and go at it when things don't go right. Would they carry the hockey sticks as well? Come on...gotta have some clubs involved.

1:32 PM  

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