Monday, March 14, 2005

Desperate for more...please...

Vanessa here...

What's happened to Desperate Housewives? Not plot wise...I mean viewing wise. It's never on on Sunday night anymore. It ran like two episodes in January and maybe one in February. But they opted not to go up against the Super Bowl, the Grammys and the Oscars. Okay, understandable...but where is it now? It was promoted all week on the entertainment news shows, talking about getting back to the Dana mystery and "you might just know who she is" but then they ran two episodes of "Jake in Progress" in its time slot. Vanessa's Note to ABC: Don't charm me by a new show starring Blackie Parish (sorry, I remember him from General Hospital) and then put it up on Thursday night against "Joey." I can't watch Jake because I have a 10 year relationship with Joey Tribiani. Bad move ABC.

But I digress...back to the Housewives. When it first started, was EDGY! Out there, even. They didn't give in to convention or care what people thought about them. The storylines were interesting, compelling, sexy, shocking...and fun. The first 4-5 episodes rocked and had me sitting there going..."now this is good television." I'd resigned myself to accept that my 9:00 p.m. Sunday night slot was no longer filled by the Sex and the City gals, but rather by the women of Wisteria Lane.

Then, all the crazy people in the red states (you know who are!) got freaked out over the sex, the relationships, the mystery and most particularly...the way Lynette was portrayed as a woman not satisfied with merely being a stay-at-home mom with four unbearable brats and a husband who was never around. Did you blame the woman? Vanessa side note: Her husband, sorry...but he'll always be the affable, gay Matt Fielding from Melrose Place to me.

When ABC ran the "Towel-Drop-Heard-Round-The-World" on Monday Night Football with Terrell Owens and blonde bombshell Nicolette Sheridan, you would have thought the broadcast advocated naked sex in the streets in front of children and little animals. They even compared Nicolette's towel tease to poor Janet's ta-ta showing at the Super Bowl. When did Americans become so frightened of the naked (or semi) body? Do people not know what they look like when they shower or change clothes or do they all do it with their eyes closed? Not only were the Philadelphia Eagles and NFL forced into an apology for participating in that ad, but poor Nicolette seems to have been banned from DH for the foreseeable future. Have you seen her lately? Hell no.

And the interesting Lynette storyline has turned from this woman unhappy in her life to this super mom who uses her children as weapons against all the evil in her neighborhood. Okay, the episode where her lecherous husband was starting down at the nanny's boobs was funny, but let's face it...Lynette and Tom are about as compatible as Ranch dressing on Captain Crunch. And where's the romance between Susan and Mike? They had that one semi-hot (for network TV) sex scene, but that's been it. And poor Mary Alice...the forgotten (dead) housewife...we're getting no where in the mystery of her suicide that drew us all into the show. We won't even talk about the hunky, young, 18-year-old gardener who's all but gone from the show and poor Eva Longoria's stock keeps going down 'cause she's no longer featured week after week in her Body by Victoria.

Perhaps, ABC is running the show sporadically in order to cater to the madness and pull back on these exciting, edgy plot lines. Are they replotting? Reshooting? Or merely counting all of their Emmys, Golden Globes and People's Choice Awards? (Hello! People like the show as it is!) Or are they trying to confuse the audience from when the show actually runs, thinking we'll bail on the show. A confused audience is one that'll quit watching. I know I'm on the brink of WTF on this one. ABC -- a "family channel" owned by the biggest corporate whore of them all, Disney -- must be appealing to the advertisers who pulled from this show when the plots got too "realistic."

Let the housewives be desperate and despicable and entertaining and sexy and out there...that's what's made this show so great and so much fun to tune into week after week...when it's on. We don't want to constantly see Lynette's struggles with nannies, diapers and medication for overactive children...we want to know what Mike's up to, where Evie is, what's going to happen with Dana...and Mrs. Huber's death. Get back to those edgier plot lines that keep us tuning in.

Course, as always, this is just my opinion. I just want to be entertained. Until DH returns -- whenever ABC deems it -- I'll just watch reruns of Entourage and Unscripted on HBO.

Hang loose...

Double Vee


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