Tuesday, May 31, 2005

See Ma...we do have nice weather...sometimes...

Vanessa here...

Back at work after the long weekend. No one seems happy to be back to the grind, especially since the weather's turned all blecky again. But I'm here at my desk, plugging away. There's sort of this malaise hanging in the air. People seem to be dragging a bit, the trains weren't noisy this morning and people had long, sad faces. I think it's because we were teased with this summer-like weekend and now it's back to the moors of Scotland.

Thanks for all the supportive e-mails regarding Dr. Bivalve and the great clam adventure. Yeah...he was a dick. No questions about it. The funny thing is about all of it was I read an article in the Boston Globe that warns against eating clams right now because of a threat of red tide. Good thing Dr. Bivalve pissed me off so much that I steered clear of the clams. Seems a few people at the party got sick, even though Dr. Bivalve said he'd had the clams flown in from New York. What a pretentious cow. Suffice it to say, I don't want to see him again.

My mother calls from Northern Virginia (my dad works at the Pentagon) and is all like bragging about the weather and how much nicer it is there and I should move home. (They think this whole thing about living in Boston is some "adventure" that I'm on.) So...I had to send Mom a couple of pictures from my weekend to prove that yes, New England has beaches and sunshine. Check them out...

It really was a goregous weekend...wish I'd been ON that sailboat, eh? :)

I'm proud of the suntan I've gotten started and since it's almost officially June, I think I'll start going to the tanning bed and at least pretending that it's summer even though it's still in the high 40's and low 50's. May even think of dipping into that crazy savings account and going somewhere fun...we'll see.

Well, back to work! These marketing leads don't generate themselves, you know.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, May 30, 2005

A clam is a bivalve...

Vanessa here...back from a brief break, and what do you know...I have a sunburn!

Well...Memorial Day weekend is over...the summer has "officially" started. And while Saturday kicked-ass weather-wise, Sunday went back to the chilliness of gray skies and high 40's. We walked around the beach in sweats and coats...but we were at the beach! But I won't bitch about the weather. Let me tell you about this trip with Mia.

I know I said we were going to the Cape, but that's Mia-talk for Martha's Vineyard. What a dork! The girl graduated top of her med school class, but she classifies anything over the Cape Cod Canal as "the Cape." So, after she picked me up from work Friday, we made it to Woods Hole in record time, considering everyone and their brother was headed out for the long weekend, driving down Route 3 towards the Cape.

Usually, the Bourne Bridge, which stretches over the canal, is backed up for miles, but we timed our trip right and zipped along at a good pace to pull into the ferry line. Mia steered her white Beemer (she's such a rich girl...with lots of loans!) in behind a Brigham's ice cream truck and we sat back for the hour-long crossing over to the island.

The party we were going to was at the house of a thoracic surgeon that Mia was seeing off and on these days. Don't tell her boyfriend Larkin that. I think she keeps a doctor or two handy, just in case her little sales guy doesn't pan out. I mean, hello...I can't get one guy and she's got a whole slew of them? Well...she does look like Miss Portugal. I get the distinct impression Mia went into medicine not so much for the paycheck or the thrill of curing people, but more so to bump elbows with all the delectable men in scrubs. She'd set me up with a couple of them, but her taste and mine weren't on the same playing field.

As I've stated over and over...I like cute guys. Not too pretty, not too gorgeous...you never get past it with them if they know they're prettier than you. I go more for a good personality and someone who made me laugh, made me feel good about myself. Oh, and I really loved light eyes and a nice ass. Mia goes more for the tall, dark and gruesome type. That's why I laugh at how she and Larkin, my co-worker hooked up. He's compact, muscular, an ex-Army Ranger and a sales guy. Oh...and he's voluntarily bald...shaved...but it works for him. Funny, he's nowhere in the league with Dr. Mia Pimental. But he's totally in love with her...

I thought the weekend would help take my mind off the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. Cute little Jeremy Foley whom I met via my blog here...nice guy, but more of the friends variety. I need something more. And this party was just the place to look. I hoped I'd meet someone...one of Mia's successful doctor friends. Why, he could turn out to be my knight in shining armor?

So, we exited the ferry in Oak Bluffs and Mia headed out Beach Road and followed it out along the ocean until we reached Edgartown. You've heard of the place...it's where former president Bill Clinton (We miss you, Bubba...come back!!!) took his yearly summer vacation from DC. Edgartown is this quiet, quaint little town on the east end of the island. (It was featured in that bad Harrison Ford remake of Sabrina, too.) A lot of money in this town. Particularly, Mia's doctor friend. His house is high up on the hill above Edgartown harbor, next door to the house that Billy Joel used to own.

We just hung out, drank beer and ate chowd'ah Friday night, but the festivities started Saturday morning...and the weather was gorgeous! We walked around and shopped and drank in the sunshine. I actually heard my toes sigh in happiness at being in sandals and not crammed into boots and two pairs of socks.

The clambake was going full steam when we arrived across the harbor on Chappaquiddick Island Saturday afternoon. Ha...get it...clams...steam? Nevermind. Mia was greeted with hugs and kisses from her affluent colleagues. She handed me a beer as we trudged through the sand to meet more of her friends. I was probably the only non-medical person in the crowd, so I did my best to blend in. And, if I happened to meet some charming doctor this weekend, then so be it. I was a single gal and I had every right to enjoy myself. But charming wasn't going to happen...instead, I met the biggest ass on the planet...at least on the island...

Mia drug me over to meet this friend of hers. I had to do a double-take 'cause behind her stood a light-haired Owen Wilson look-alike dressed in blue jeans and a black short-sleeved shirt. I mean, he looked just like Owen Wilson...it was creepy. His name was Cory Hartle, though, but I couldn't help but envision him as Hansel from Zoolander or as Hutch in Starsky and Hutch. What? Was I going crazy? Was I seeing things? Was I Dr. Bellows from "I Dream of Jeannie?" I needed to get a grip...I hadn't even started drinking yet.

So, Dr. Owen-Wilson-Cory-Hartle tells us to help ourselves to the feast layed out on the beach...there's plenty of food--lobsters, clams, corn on the cob, roasted potatoes, he told us, pointing over to a large table covered with what appeared to be a Bacchanalian feast. It smelled amazing and my stomach growled very unladylike. And just when I tried to Miss Flirty and impress this guy, here's what happened...

“Oh, I love clams. They’re my favorite seafood. That’s why I live in New England...all the fresh fish and all,” I rambled on, probably sounding like some stupid Southern belle or something.

Cory looked down at me, screwed up his mouth and said, "Actually, clams aren't fish. They're bivalves. You don't actually think they're fish do you?"

"No...I didn't say that...I..."

"Yeah, you did say that. You're not a doctor are you?"

Huh? What did that have to do with the price of tomatoes? "Ummm...I work for a computer software company...in marketing."

"Oh...that explains it." He took a big swig of beer and stars ogling these chicks that walked by. What a jerk!!! Then he looks back at me with this idiotic snicker. "I can't believe you thought clams were fish." Was that a sneer of derision?

"I did not! I was just trying to have a polite conversation." Was the "you dick" implied?

"Sure..." he said, looking away.

Thanks a lot, asshole. What was this, biology class?

He actually stood there and watched me layering the various seafood on my plate. He went from extremely cute to extremely gross in my mind. What's with that? Does he had to show me how stupid I am? Do I have to have my faux paux pointed out to me? Didn't he get that I was flirting with him? Am I so pathetic that I can't even properly flirt with a tall, dark, handsome doctor? Why did Dr. Bivalve have to be such a prick?

I managed to eembarrassmentdespite the embarassment. I ate a lot of seafood, played in the ocean and got a lot of sun, which was the point of the weekend. Sure, Mia hooked up with the thoracic surgeon and I had to listen to them going at it in the next hotel room, but I read a couple of good books and enjoyed not being home. And dammit...I enjoyed the clams. So... = P

You can bet, Dr. Cory Hartle won't be on my list of guys to follow up with. Bleck!

Now, it's back to work, and back to the boy hunt...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Friday, May 27, 2005

Happy Holiday Weekend...

Vanessa here...

...wishing you all a Happy Memorial Day! I'll be gone to the Cape for a few days with Mia to hang out with a bunch of her doctor friends (wow...I won't be too out of place, now will I?!) I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories when I get back. And I pray with all my might that the sun will grace us with its presence sometime over the weekend.

Enjoy your holiday and see you on Monday!

Double Vee

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Another fun quiz...

I told you I didn't have anything better to do than surf the net for stupid online quizzes. I kind of like this one, though...I'm only "accidentally" evil. What about you?

Nothing worthwhile to say...

Vanessa here...

Still depressed from the weather and nothing to say today (I know...a first!) So, I thought I'd entertain myself, and those of you nice enough to visit my blog, with a silly little quiz. Here's my sexy Brazilian name. And for the record, my ass doesn't look like that, but damn...I wish it did! LOL!!

Your Sexy Brazilian Name Is

Soraia Menezes

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I demand TV-ending satisfaction!

Vanessa here...

Well, May sweeps are over and it seems that all of my television shows are done for a while. Is it me or have the writers of television lost the knack for really great, kick ass cliffhangers? You've watched all season, you've tuned in every week, you've been expecting this great ending and then you get a mere (often predictable) phhhfffftttttzzzz...like you've opened a week-old bottle of club soda. I expect more, dammit! Let's take a look at my shows...

  • Joey: Okay, I know we're just talking a sitcom here that was a spin-off of Friends (which had some good cliffhangeers), but could it have BEEN more predictable that Joey and Alex were going to end up lip-locked and in bed with each other? I saw it coming from the first show when she said she was his landlord and her husband "traveled a lot." Something like that is as predictable as any time a woman pukes or has "the flu" on TV, she's obviously pregnant. Now, I'm all for Joey and Alex hooking up, but it was so...predictable...so...not something that took me off-guard. Something I expected.
  • Desperate Housewives: Did they really sum anything up? Okay, sure, the whole who is Mary Alice and why did she kill herself thing was finally revealed, but it was shoved at the viewers in a "okay, we have to tell this to you, so just watch" way that it didn't ebb and flow into the rest of the story. And please, who out there actually believes Rex is dead? He read his chart, he saw what was happened and he's very quietly slipped out of Bree's life so he can go live potassium-free. Am I the only one who sees how obvious this is??? Just because the actor confirms he's dead...come ON!!! And Zach with the gun on Mike and Susan...how many times is Mike going to get shot on this show? You know what would have been EVEN BETTER and a kick-ass cliffhanger? When Mike walked into the house and closed the door...we heard a gun shot. Now, that would have rocked!
  • Will & Grace: So Will's been hired by creepy Alec Baldwin to work this new law job and you know it's not legitimate. Then, we've got Grace (who was cheated on by her husband) who's attracted to a married friend. And how does it end? Well, Grace is macking on the married dude -- hello, hypocrite -- and Will figures out he's working for...(now come on everyone...mouth the words with me)...Stanley Walker. That's right. Stan, who died and was cremated, is not dead. Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn.
  • Grey's Anatomy: Really loving this show...loving it, loving it, loving it. But can this whole Dr. Yang pregnancy thing be any more predictable? She's a completely unlikeable character and hello...you're a doctor, don't you know how to use a condom?!?! You know she won't actually have an abortion. No one's done that on prime time television since Maude in the 70's! George...I just love George and his character's woes, but it was slightly predictable that Alex passed on the syph to him through the nurse-chick. And, sorry...but having Dr. McDreamy (Patrick Dempsey) get phone calls he didn't answer -- prior to not sharing his life -- made it tres predictable that he was married. I was just waiting for the wife to show up and plant a flag on him. Come on...couldn't we have done something more original???
  • America's Next Top Model: I know it's a reality show, but if you don't think things are plotted out, scripted and controled by the producers, you're nuts. This was the most lackluster group of girls yet. They were all stupid as barn doors! Who can't pronounce the word "magenta?!" The photoshoots were contrived and stupid and not exactly what top runway models go through in the course of their days. Naima, yes, was beautiful and took great pictures, but can you tell me one thing about her other than she has a Mohawk, is a combination of Irish-Black-Mexican and she "used to be a party girl." She pulled the viewer votes in each week and THAT'S why Tyra and Crew named her the Top Model. It was so anti-climatic, it wasn't even funny. Tyra's GOT to do a whole heaping better next season. At least get some girls who have the skills of rudimentary reading.

So, you see my disappointment. I guess I want those great old cliffhangers that kept you wondering all summer "what's going to happen?" I mean, who can forget the shower scene in Dallas where Pamela Ewing dreamed the whole season, in essence? Classic! And the massacre in Moravia on Dynasty. Brilliant! I want things like that in my shows. I don't want to be sitting there speaking the dialogue as they're saying it.

What are your favorite cliffhangers of all time??? Speak up and be heard!

Double Vee

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

When did I move to Nova Scotia?

Vanessa here...

...bitching about the weather....again. Current conditions 45 degrees, drak gray clouds and rain. Something tells me I won't be attending any backyard BBQs or clam bakes over Memorial Day this weekend.

Looking out the window here at work, it looks like Heathcliff's about to come catapulting over the moors in search of Kathy. You can't see the city from Cambridge today because of the low lying fog and rain clouds. Everyone here at work is walking around in a funk, bundled up in sweaters, long pants and sweatshirts.

I heard a group of programmers in the kitchen talking about how the population in Massachusetts is dwindling. People are moving other places. Young college students aren't stay in town as much. As much as that increases new job prospects for me, it's sad that people are fleeing Boston over a condition no one can control. These guys in the kitchen were talking about how they were needing to get away. Needing a break from this weather.

It made me go to my bank's website to my linked account and check on my "crazy savings account." (Thus named for crazy money I put in it...like all of the change I find on the streets every year -- don't laugh, I pick up about $50 a year! And that $100 bill I found a couple of years ago. Or birthday checks my parents send. Or my income tax refunds, rebates I fill out...just all sorts of crazy ways to save money.) My crazy savings account has $3,000! Man, I could go anywhere.

Here's my wish list of travel destinations, in no particular order...
  1. Miami Beach: I've been there a couple of times. What a playground. Year-round sun, fun, the beach, great restaurants, shopping, hot clubs, hot guys, you name it. Hotels are affordable in off season and most of them have free happy hours.
  2. Hawaii: I'd love to go island hopping in Hawaii. Probably the best way to do it would be on a cruise, but the main thing I want to do is go swimming with whales and dolphins. How cool would that be? I think it would be awesome to hike the volcanoes, too.
  3. Jamaica: Come on, Stella got her groove back there. If I could find me a Taye Diggs on vacation, I'd be a happy girl too. :)
  4. Nice: That would be nice. Ahhh...the French Riviera. Where people go to play all the time. If you go in shoulder season, you can actually find some great deals on hotels. And, if you check out Go-Today, they have package deals that combine Nice with another great city like London, Paris, Madrid or Amsterdam. ('Cause I want to see those cities, too!)
  5. Tuscany: I'm a sucker for wanting to see Tuscany. The wine. The food. The towers. The rolling hills. Okay...so I've seen "Under the Tuscan Sun" one too many times and fantasize about running away to live in my own Italian villa...but the pictures of the landscape there are breathtaking and inviting.
  6. Brazil: How cool would it be to go to Rio during the Carnival? Talk about Mardi Gras on acid! Costumes, dancing, excitement, revelry. You name it. And the gorgeous men of South America...how come the ticket's not book yet?
  7. Aruba: The pictures I've seen from friends' trips are amazing. The water is a special crystal blue like none other I've seen. You can swim with stingrays, snorkel to your heart's delight and gamble in the casinos all night long. There are some good deals through various travel websites and most cruise ships go there, too.

So, I think I'm going to find myself a getaway vacation and at least pretend book it. Might lift my spirirts and make me feel better.

If you could spend your crazy savings account, where would you wing off to? What are your dream destinations? As as lovely as Nova Scotia surely is...I just want some blue skies and sunshine...

Double Vee

Monday, May 23, 2005

If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie, wipe the seatie...

Vanessa here...

Put on a bib or bring out your umbrella 'cause I'm about to rant all over the place.

Can we just talk about the Ladies Room? I mean, what's the deal? Everywhere I go -- work, the movie theatre, nice restaurants -- they're all the same. A big old mess. What's the problem, ladies?

I swear, here at work, we come in in the morning and the ladies room is pristine. Clean, nothing on the floor. But by lunch, there's toilet paper everywhere, water all over the counter and paper towels wadded up around the garbage can on the floor. We won't even talk about the flushing challenged people who can't manage to get everything down the pipes or the fact that there are perpetual seat-pee'ers who leave their mark every time.

I ask of my fellow females...do you spill water all over the counter at home and not mop it up? Do you let the liquid soap oooooooze from the dispenser out onto your sink and not do something about it? Do you blow your nose and leave the used paper on the sink, as well? And, at home, when you're pulling the tp off the roll and little bits break off and flutter to the floor, do you not bend down and pick them up? I mean, we can't all live like pigs at home.

So why do we treat public bathrooms this way? What is it in our makeup or DNA that makes us pee on the rim and not wipe it? Or splash water all about without a care in the world. Why do we treat the public restrooms with such disdain for the next customer?

I was at the movie theatre the other day and these three teenagers were standing there at the sink primping. One spilled water everywhere and didn't do anything about it. The other used about 50 paper towels to dry her hands, spilling most of the on the floor and then she wadded the used ones up and shot them Shaq-style at the garbage can, only to watch them bounce out to the ground. Did they stop and clean up after themselves? Hell no. They just walked out.

Why do we do this? Is this our one chance in the world to be like a man? To not have a care in the world and treat things like shit? Or is this yet another notch in the post of our lost manners? Do mothers not teach their daughters good habits anymore? Or, are we just in so much of a hurry that we can't take the time to flush or clean up after ourselves?

I challenge every woman today. Wipe that seat! Pick up those tp bits that have fallen astray. Wipe down the counter. Hit that garbage can rim. Be civilized, people!!!

Is it just me or am I just going completely insane?

Let's make our world, our work place, our entertainment locations a better place...come on ladies!!

End of rant.

Double Vee

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Kickin' it back old school...

Vanessa here...

So, Griz and I went to The Rack last night and I met up with my fan e-mail friend, Jeremy Foley. Let me just say how cute this guy was! Tall, muscular, angled face and this shaggy blond hair. I picked him out of the crowd immediately 'cause we'd e-mailed pictures of ourselves to each other. He was with his two buddies, Tom and Ford (I know...who names their kid Ford?!) and we hung out for a while, drinking beer and shooting pool.

I really suck at shooting pool. I mean, I try to act like I know what I'm doing, but doing it in person is much different than playing online pool ad nauseum on Pogo.com. I always lean too far onto the table, or move other people's balls (no comment, please!) or worse...I knock the 8 ball in at the end, but not where I predicted, so I lose anyway.

Jeremy was nice, though, and took pity on me. He'd stand opposite me at the table and point with his finger where I should hit the cue to the ball. Just like that little line will do for you in Pogo that shows the trajectory of the ball. So, with Jeremy's help, I did much better and we managed to beat Ford and Griz. (Griz is a whiz at pool!) Jeremy and I did plenty of flirting the whole time and I could certainly dig going out on a real date with him.

We also got into this huge talk about Star Wars. (Yes, I said it was the theme of the weekend.) He's an old school fan...prefers the old movies...and I mean, who doesn't?! He admitted to having a thing for Princess Leia as a kid and I told him of my huge Han Solo crush. It was at this point that Jeremy invited all of us over to his apartment in the South End to watch Star Wars IV: A New Hope on DVD. We ordered pizzas and bought more beer and the five of us sat there and watched it like we'd never seen the movie ever before! The DVD was awesome, with the added in scenes and enhanced graphics. The Death Star exploding was something else. I swear, we were all sitting there quietly, eating and drinking and sitting on the edge of our seat. Man, they just don't make movies like that anymore!

As the evening wound down (like 2:00 a.m.), Jeremy drove Griz and me home and I gave him my number. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and I was beyond thrilled. I could definitely see hanging with Jeremy and enjoying his company. The summer's coming (or so they say) and he's all into water sports and outside activities, so who knows what will happen.

And to wrap up the Star Wars tribute weekend...one last quiz...

Star Wars Horoscope for Pisces

A typical Pisces, you have your head in the clouds.
You're self-sacrificing and a bit too passive to stand up to the dark side.
You become fairly pessimistic when put under pressure.
You are a chameleon - wanting to change your scenery on occassion.

Star wars character you are most like: Lando

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, May 21, 2005

It's a Star Wars weekend...

Vanessa here...

Went to see Star Wars yesterday and it was awesome! It was sooooo much better than Episode I or Episode II (which had no plots, in my opinion) but this was excellent. It wrapped everything up and made is sync with the classic Star Wars of 1977. Wow...so well done. I highly recommend it. There were even a couple of teary-eyed moments, I admit, when Obiwan faced his protege in battle. My heart broke when the Jedi were mostly all destroyed. What can I say...I'm a sap.

So, to pick things up a little, here's another fun Star Wars quiz for this Saturday...have fun...

Your Amazing Yoda Sex Line

"Foreplay, cuddling - a Jedi craves not these things."

Hang loose!

Double Vee

Friday, May 20, 2005

May the Force be with you...

Vanessa here...

So, have you seen the new Star Wars movie yet? I hear it's awfully good. (Awfully long, too.) I'm going just to gawk at Ewan McGregor for two and a half hours, thankyouverymuch. I was always a huge Han Solo (Harrison Ford) fan growing up. I cried my EYES out when he was frozen in the carbon in The Empire Strikes Back. I mean, I was scarred! My friends growing up were all goo-goo over Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), but to me he looked like my 3rd cousin, Ben, so that was too much of an ick factor for me. Now, I'll settle for cute little Ewan as Obiwan. I'm sure he saves the day in this, the final episode.

And I'm sorry, but in the previous two movies, Hayden Christensen can't act his way out of a paper bag. HOW did he get cast in this part? Even Natalie Portman -- a fine actress -- seemed to be dialing it in in the last two movies...so I hope they're both better in this one.

Here's a Star Wars related quiz to end the week. Enjoy and May the Force Be With You...

Your Star Wars Pickup Line

"I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby."

Hang Loose!

Double Vee

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Fan mail...and reality TV wrap-ups...

Vanessa here...

I've gotten some cool "fan mail" lately...check this out from last night.

To: Vanessa Virtue
From: DJ Adien


How cool is THAT??? DJ Adien is the awesome DJ that Griz and I went to see in New York City last month. She totally rocked the house with her grooving mix. This link is about 18 minutes worth of kick ass music that will get you moving. Thanks and a shout out to DJ Adien for reading the blog and e-mailing me!

Then I get this next one...

Vanessa: You seem fun and hot and I've love to hang out with you. My buddies and I are shooting pool Friday night at The Rack. Maybe we could meet up there? Hope to see you them, Jeremy Foley

Thanks for the e-mail, dude! That's pretty neat that you think I'm fun and hot just from my blog. I do like to think I know how to cut loose and have a good time. Tell you what...I'll think about it. (I'll see if I can drag Griz with me.) The Rack's not usually my scene as a lot of the guys there are jock wannabes and the girls are all tiny, hard bodies who are either skate (Bruins) of cleat (Sox, Patriots) chasers, so, this could be interesting. But I'll definitely e-mail this Jeremy Foley and maybe we'll meet up.

The people you meet online, eh?

So...I watched two of my obsessions season finales last night: America's Next Top Model and Showdog Moms and Dads. First, ANTM, I have to say was not as riveting this season as it has been in the past, but then again, you can't find an Eva Diva every season. The two finalists were Naima and Kahlen and I have to admit, I got a vicious charge out of see the pudgy, way-too-self-confident Keenyah get sent home. That girl needs to take a humble pill and get OVER herself. I hate when people make EVERYTHING on the planet about them and only them. Puhhh-leeze. Kahlen's been my dark horse for about eight weeks now and I was pleased to see her blossom at the end of the show. She's totally got a modeling future ahead of her and I seriously doubt she'll be going back to Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. Naima did a great job and commanded the runway and totally deserved to win. She's had the audience since the first episode.

Then, on Showdog Moms and Dads, I just had to laugh at the entire concept of this show. These people...live on a different plane of existence from the rest of us, but it was fascinating getting a behind the scenes look at the showdog world. I mean, where else on television can you constantly see two dogs boinking and close ups of piles of dog shit. Now that's riveting television. I think the funniest part was when the gay couple opened up their "High Maintenance Bitch" dog store and the two of them couldn't stop crying. It was a fun TV show to watch.

Now, I'm looking forward to the return of Entourage on HBO and Blow Out on Bravo. And no, I don't have anything better to do...well, other than to listen to DJ Adien's website and go meet up with Jeremy...

Hang loose!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

You Know You're From Boston When...

Just got this e-mailed to me. Yep...they nailed us Bostonians...

You drink tonic.
You know what a bubbler is.
Your family will disown you if you're a Yankees fan.
You think there's no life west of 495.
You know they're called rotaries, not roundabouts or circles.
You're considered among the worst drivers in the country.
You think 1-way streets are common everywhere.
You know what a "buckner" is.
You know what the Big Dig is.
You knew Great Woods and the Garden.
The words "Southie" and "Eastie" have some meaning to you.
You know what the Beanpot is.
You know what nationality predominates in the North End and Eastie.
You consider Worcester and Springfield "cow pastures."
You know what the Central Artery is.
You have to dial the area code just to call across the street.
It doesn't surprise you to see someone talking on their cell while drinking a coffee and driving with their knees.
You can't go more than a few blocks without hearing a horn beeped.
It's tough to break 40 due to the city traffic but you do it anyway.
You know what the Monster is.
You think of Philadelphia as the Midwest.
You think it's your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic.
You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R's).
You think three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heatwave.
All your pets are named after Celtics, Sox or Bruins.
You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting."
Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an angry mood.
You don't think you have an attitude.
You always 'bang a left' as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
Everything in town is "a five minute walk."
When out of town, you think the natives of the area are all whacked.
You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
You don't realize that you walk and talk twice as fast as everyone else.
You're anal, neurotic, pessimistic and stubborn.
You think if someone is nice to you, they must want something or are from out of town.
Your favorite adjective is "wicked."
You think 63 degree ocean water is warm.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Todd Gross grossed me out...

Vanessa here...

Is it just me or do the local weathermen with their cheery-ass-for-no-reason attitude make you want to throw something at the television? Let's face it people of Boston. Our weather is completely fucked. It's mid-May and we are still in the 40's to 60's. There's been very little nice weather since we officially hit spring, mostly overcast, gray skies, cold, windy and rainy. So, why do these local weathermen insist on putting the good spin on it as if trying to convince us that global warming hasn't totally messed with our ecosystem and plunged us into perpetual winter here.

And Todd Gross...I wanted to smack him. He said, get this...

"Chances of milky sunshine today."

And then his cohort, Pete Bouchard, at the same station, mimicked the words in this morning's report with that same shit-eating grin, saying "mostly cloudy today with chances if milky sunshine and it will be more dry than wet."

Milky sunshine??? Is he kidding me? Is that a fancy meteorologist way of saying "so cloudy you can't see the sun through the haze?" Milky sunshine? Where did they pull that one from? And it was delivered with such a condescending little smirk and lilt in the voice and an anchor "ha, ha, ha" behind it like he was the cutest thing ever.

I mean, sure, it sounds fun and happy and like the weather's actually nice and we should go outside without a coat, scarf and gloves, but what he's really saying is "I can't continue to depress the hell out of my viewers pointing out the fact that we've hit 70 once this year and there's no hope for any warmer weather in the future, so I'll make us some jackass term such as 'milky sunshine' to assuage the masses."

I do realize that realistically, these guys can't just stand there on TV and say "the weather is crappy" every day with "no end in sight and there's nothing you can do about it." People would be moving to red states left and right...or jumping off the Tobin Bridge. Course, they could take the high ground, do some real investigation into the environment and stratosphere and see if they can provide reasoning or explanation for our horrid weather patterns that have plagued us for the past three or so years. That would be a service to the viewers. And it's not just this particular station...it's all of them. They're all cheerleaders for this pathetic weather swirling around us. Come on, Boston weather people!!!

I'm sorry...I want real sunshine.

To make matters worse, I Googled "milky sunshine" and damned if this isn't a common weather term people have been slipping into our daily, consumer-driven lives. People are buying into this! Well, not me. There is no milk in my sunshine. I put milk in my cereal and coffee where it belongs.

I need to go somewhere...Miami Beach sounds nice...wonder if I have the vacation time?

Deep, cleansing breath...

Double Vee

Monday, May 16, 2005

Okay...maybe I do have something to say...

Vanessa here...

I have this nifty little tool on my blog called Site Meter. It rocks my universe and I'm totally obsessed with it 'cause I can get all sorts of information on traffic, how people found me, what they're reading. It's fun and it's tres addictive. But it's also really funny and eye opening and I just LOVE to see how people find my site.

Example: this morning, someone Goggled the words gnocchi heathen and the first thing to pop up was my blog! LOL! And it made me realize that each and every word you write in your blog is completely searchable and you never know what people will pull up. I mean, who Googles gnocchi heathen? Yes, I was talking about the heathen children at the table next to me as I was eating gnocchi, but what's the significance of Googling gnocchi heathen? Sort of makes me want to meet this person. :)

Other searches that have brought up my adventures: "Talbots kids Medfield," "Tyler Florence+girlfriend" and I think almost as good as gnocchi heathen is "Amish Women catfighting." Now, in my defense, I use those three words in a blog entry no where near each other...but yet when you put it in Google, it pulls up alllll sorts of porn sites...and my blog! Boy, was that porn surfer disappointed when they landed here for two seconds. LOL! Now, that's someone I don't want to meet...who gets off on Amish women fighting each other.

So...your challenge for today is to go have fun with word combinations in the Google search box and see what it brings up for you!

Have fun!
Double Vee

How well do I know men?

I'm being a lazy blogger today since my mind is fried from Sunday night TV viewing of The Family Guy, Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. (Love Grey's Anatomy...only one espisode left!) I'm taking the easy quiz way out today...besides, people e-mail and say they love the quizzes...so have fun!

I may not have a steady boyfriend, but according to this, I know men pretty well. Maybe that's why I'm so picky as I'm out scoping the guys of Boston. Maybe they should take a quiz on how well they know women... :)

You Are a Good Student of Men

You're pretty good at knowing what men are thinking
But you're not dead on 100% of the time
Let your guy off the hook sometimes... because you may be reading him all wrong!
How Well Do You Understand Men? Take This Quiz :-)

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Which Desperate Housewife are you?

Since tonight's the (last?) next to last episode of Desperate Housewives, I thought this would be appropriate. Okay...this is cool. I'm definitely not Brie, nor am I Lynette with the 30,000 kids and as much as I wouldn't mind a tryst with that gardner, I'm not Gaby. I can see me wanting to be Edie, but this makes much more sense. Take it and see which one you are...

Congratulations! You are Susan Mayer, the divorcee
and single mom who will go to extraordinary
lengths for love.

Which Desperate Housewife are you?

Saturday, May 14, 2005

I stand corrected...

Okay...so the threat of bad, cold weather from our illustrious (nee: always wrong) weather forecasters was completely off today and we had a beautiful spring day her in Boston, complete with blue sky, sunshine and sandal-wearing weather. Ahhh...how my toes felt liberated from months crammed into boots with two pairs of socks. Thank you weather gods...thank you.

Oh...and for the record, although there were only six people in the theatre with us in Cambridge (guess people had better things to do like play in the sunshine!), It's All Good Pete Tong was an excellent movie. I highly recommend it.

Gots to nap...goin' out drinking with my chicas tonight.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Friday, May 13, 2005

I'm tired of complaining about the weather...

Vanessa here...

Well, another lovely spring day in Beantown. 57 degrees, overcast, 40% chance of rain and it's just brrrrr cold. I'm so white it's not even funny. I've gone past being Caucasian and am now headed towards Albino. My skin is so pasty white, I look like I could star in a remake of "Interview With a Vampire." At least with their white skin comes everlasting life. Me, I'm doomed to everlasting winter.

Well, Vanessa...cheer up...according to Boston.com weather next Tuesday it'll be 60 degrees with intermittent clouds. That's the best they can do. I'm so going to jetBlue and booking a flight to Miami Beach.

I still have tanning visits left with Hollywood Tans from last fall. I need to call them and see if I can come in. I'm tired of looking anemic. This lady on the train the other day asked me if I felt okay because I was so pale. That's just embarrassing.

So...I'm going to bundle up, head to a diner in Brookline for a cheese and mushroom omelet and then I'll head to Harvard Square to see "It's All Gone Pete Tong." Since I'm such a huge dance music fan, this ought to be an experience. Then tonight, I'm hitting the town with Griz to do a little man hunting. May go back to Newbury Street since we had so much luck the other night seeing cute guys. Maybe we'll get lucky!

Now, check out DJ Scratching Post and MC Meowmix. (I know...so juvenile, but cute...)

Hang loose...

Double Vee

Big Brother is watching...

Vanessa here...

I know I'm the lamest excuse for a human being, but I called in sick today to avoid the team building laser tag game. Okay...I have a blazing headache from some bad Pinot Noir I had last night and I really don't feel well. Sorry...just not up for the laser tag. It was bad enough doing the "power lunch" for the homeless yesterday. It was so sad seeing people like that and knowing I couldn't really do anything to help them. (One of the really sad, messed up men did comment that he liked my hair.)

Hell, I can barely help myself! Sure, I've got a job, it pays well, but it's not a security blanket. There's no such thing anymore. There aren't any jobs where you work there for 30 years, get your gold watch and retire to Boca Raton. It just doesn't work that way anymore. It's all about the bottom line...profits...making money for the higher ups. And, companies can dismiss you in a heartbeat..."at will" employment. It's a lovely caveat for employers today. Basically, it means you can get your ass thrown out the door for any reason. I have a friend who got fired from a well-known institution in town for having personal files on her computer. Personal files! Did she do her job every day...hell yes...did that matter...hell no. I have another friend who was "asked to leave" because he made too much salary. Well, that's not exactly how they put it to him, but he knew the company was making cuts and they started bullying him and talking about how much they paid him and how they didn't see the tangible results to the point that they forced him to be laid off. He barely got any severance and then, get this, the company sent him a survey to fill out on his work experience there saying it would help them to continue to hire quality people in the future! I told him to tell them to "go screw!" The nerve!

Check this out: Here's a lady in Salt Lake City who lost her job because of her blog. She's at least handled it with humor, but the thought of it scares the ever-loving shit out of me.

Griz has a friend who works downtown who has a blog and will casually mention Company X in her blog...nothing bad or negative, just a reference to other things in her life. Well, one of her co-workers went through her blog (spent like two hours doing it -- that's productive company time, eh?) and placed all of the references into an e-mail and sent it to the boss. The chick was lucky she didn't get fired because of it...she could have! Employers seem to have little tolerance for anyone who does anything too outside the company box and are willing to punish you for it.

I live in fear of losing my job. I work hard, do my job, do what's expected of me and that's it. I'm not one of those people who has to play "let's see who can stay at the office the latest" every night. But, just like many of you, I've got credit card debt, a student loan teetering on the edge of default and parents who keep thinking I should "move home" to Northern Virginia and "settle down." Like having my life here in Boston isn't "settled."

They say the economy's picking up and the job market is stronger than ever...which is good to know. You never know what you might do or say that'll get you booted out the door. It's like you have to arm yourself every morning -- not only for the commute and the weirdos on the Red Line -- but for your own behavior at your company, how you represent yourself...and now, with the explosion of the Internet, blogging and live journals, apparently you're judged by every thought, word and deed. Can't everyone just lighten up...have fun, live your life and let others live theirs? I guess not.

It's a crazy planet full of crazy people, eh? Or maybe I'm just waxing philosophic from all of the Extra Strength Excedrin I've had this morning. Maybe I need more.

I have a DVD from Netflix of the first season of Wonder Woman...I think that's how I'll spend the day. Man...if I had her gold lasso of truth...couldn't I wreak some havoc?

Hang loose!

Double Vee

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Can't we just do our jobs and go home?

Vanessa here...

Well, this e-mail came out today from our HR Chick today (and if you thought Julie from Love Boat was perky and bubbly -- and yes, I'm aware the actress was on cocaine all those years and it helped -- you ain't seen nothing with our HR woman) all about "pulling together" and "being part of the company family" and "quality of life" and other bullshit. They're all pumping us up and cheerleading and trying to rah-rah the company when isn't it enough that we spend the majority of our days here? Now...get this...we have to go on team building events. (My ass slams shut at the thought of it!)

Team building?! Why??? To get to know the software engineers better? They grunt when you pass them in the hall...they don't want to get to know anyone better. What??? Do I need to hang out with the fresh-from-college kids in the research room who are rotating who's zooming who like episodes of Melrose Place? I mean, I like the people I work with...they're cool, hip and fun. My boss, Aislin, is like 12 years older than me and she's awesome. And then there's Jack who sits next to me...he does our newsletters and such and he's a riot. Why do we have to "build" together? Can't we just do what we're paid to do and then go home at the end of the day?

The memo was all about mentoring and nurturing our careers and making the company our home. Well, sorry...but I don't want an old converted warehouse in Cambridge with little veal cubes to be my home! Home is my apartment, where the clothes are piled so deep in my room that it's like that scene from "Star Wars" when they're in the trash compactor. It's my mess and I love it. Home is with my friends...drinking, having dinner, hanging out. Home is not where I earn my paycheck.

And these team building activites are simply asinine. The sales and customer relations teams are out of the office all day today painting a girls detention center as part of the "Spirit to Serve" day here at the company. Marketing is stuck with the IT people and we're doing a “Power Lunch” for the homeless at the Salvation Army. Just reading it...sounds so...tacky! What do I have to say to these poor, unfortunate souls that can be solved in a power lunch? The phrase just makes my ass twitch. (I know, my ass seems to be sensitive today...) Then, as if that's not enough...there's more! Tomorrow (Friday) they're breaking us up alphabetically into five groups. My buddy Griz is having to go on a canoe ride all day up in New Hampshire. (She's going to freeze!) I get to go play laser tag. LAME!!! Can't they just give us the day off to go home and do whatever we'd like to do?

Guess they didn't like my ideas... for "Spirit to Serve," let's take "Not-So-Goody Bags" to convicted corporate criminals. Then our Self-Mutilation Club will meet until someone faints.

Baaaaaaaad Vanessa...

So...I leave you with these jokes that Jack forwarded to me this morning...I think it sums it up nicely...


A Few Corporate Lessons for You...

Corporate Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel" After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" It was Bob the next door neighbor,"she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2:

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory" Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish.""Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. "Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. "Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up, "the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree " sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull." They're packed with nutrients" The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull shìt might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Hang loose...

Double Vee

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Better luck this time...

Vanessa here...

Phew...what a day! Meetings, meetings, meetings! People blathering and droning on. I swear, I think our VP of Sales and Marketing just talks to hear himself talk. He's in love with the sound of his own voice. Guess I better not say more, least he hears about my blog and cans me for bagging on him.

But that's not why you tuned in today. I have to report on my findings on Newbury Street. Straight off, it was much better than Government Center...a whole different group of people to gawk at. And boy, did we gawk! I drug my friend, Griz, along with me and over a nice glass of Chardonnay (for me) and a Zinfindel (for her), we sat quietly and scoped out passing guys. Here's our assessment...cute men in bold...

  1. UPS Guy #1 - tres cute...very tanned, too
  2. Clearing Throat Man - scared the bejeeeesus out of me with his phlegminess
  3. Tall Bald Dude - how's the air up there, sir?
  4. Cute Black Guy - very Taye Diggs-like
  5. Mid 50's Harley Man - complete with plenty of ink and a bitchin' ride
  6. Golf Man - honestly, looked like he'd just stepped off the green...I think he still had spikes on his shoes or something
  7. Bike Courier Man #1 - Hello, Grizzly Adams...get a Mach Three razor, hon
  8. Bike Courier Man #2 - much more like it...hello tight pants
  9. Table of Four Euro Boys - okay, actually, they looked more like rich Saudis...probably distant cousins or nephews of Prince Bandar, slumming in the states
  10. Scoping Out the Ladies Man - yeahh...he knew he looked good and was sending out the vibe to anyone and everyone
  11. Cute Bus Boy at Ciao Bello - those black jeans fit nicely
  12. Asian Red Sox Fan - with a ponytail down to his ass
  13. Old Man in Moth-Eaten Sweater - made me want to buy him a new one
  14. Double-Green Man - okay, if you're going to wear a lime green shirt, don't wear a forest green sweater vest over it...ewww...
  15. Sideburn Dude - we're talking mutton chops, baby!
  16. Guy with Kid - dad so-so, kid...adorable
  17. Chubby Guy with Girl - they looked cute together
  18. Older Man with Wife - they looked sweet together
  19. Cell Phone Man - again, how can I see what you look like with a phone crammed against your face!
  20. English Professor Man - complete with suede patches on the elbows
  21. Wicked Cute Guy...but he was with his mom...and she was telling him what to do...
  22. Not So Cute Guy Walking Three Cute Dogs - all miniature dogs, but they were getting the guy noticed
  23. Ski Cap Dude - had it pulled down to his eyebrows. Sweetie, it's May!
  24. Tweed Coat Man - very circa 1988 Bush I years
  25. UPS Guy #2 - a bit on the doughy side...not tan
  26. Running Valet Guy - only got a breeze of a look, but he seemed cute
  27. UPS Guy #3 - looked like someone's dad
  28. Moby! - OMG...this guy looked just like Moby...wicked cool!
  29. Swinger Man - this dude was walking like there was no tomorrow...swinging those arms and strutting about...he wasn't cute at all
  30. Home Depot Man - bright orange sweater...'nuff said
  31. Unbathed McGill Student - looked like Pig Pen from Charlie Brown
  32. Asian Tourist with Camera - he had on a baggy white shirt over his protruding belly and it made him look like Buddha!
  33. Sugar Daddy - with a young jeune fille on his arm...a little too May to December for me
  34. Nathan Lane Wanna Be - older gay man...but you could tell he didn't think his shit smelled
  35. Hurrying Man - hair was flapping, his face was contorted, he was very busy and had to get somewhere...not cute at all
  36. Older Black Man - with a fur Fred Sanford hat
  37. Dapper Indian Guy - very well dressed, put together...girlfriend...
  38. Happiest Man on Planet Earth - his smile boarded on manic and skeeeeery
  39. Serial Killer Wannabe - the dude was hunched over like he was up to no good...and he walked like he had a corn cob up his ass
  40. Eight Months Pregnant Man - sir...would you like me to call the hospital and tell your baby's on the way?!
  41. Guy Carrying Hard Drive - the computer blocked his face...nice butt though...what?! I looked!
  42. Dirty Jeans Man - tattered jeans...and not in a stylish store-bought way...
  43. Toe Jam Man - ewwww....he was wearing Tevas and could use a sturdy dose of Lamisil!
  44. James Carville Lookalike - thought I was watching Cross Fire there for a second
  45. Homeless Man - carrying a bag of bottles...and wearing an iPod?!?!?!
  46. Oompa Loompa Man - not even kidding you...he looked like an Oompa Loompa, minus the orange skin!
  47. Bored Albino Man - sitting at the table opposite from us, looking like he was being tortured by the conversation at his table
  48. Carson Kresley Lookalike - tall, blond, stylin' along like one of our favorite Queer Eyes
  49. Smells Pootinky Man - I mean....was he smelling shit, or what?
  50. Fed Ex Man - cute, but nothing compared to the first guy in Brown. I think UPS won that battle
  51. Side note: Many cute guys at the book party at Croma...did you come out seeking me?

Well, that was fun! 7 out of 50 on the Vanessa Virtue Cuteness Scale. Much better odds. And I'm sure there were some hotties that escaped me as I was making notes. So, see...there is some hope! I just need to know where to hang out. Heck, we even got stared back at ourselves. Maybe there were guys there making their own list of 50. Hope Griz and I made the grade!

Ain't our city great?!

Hang loose...

Double Vee

The Newbury Street Experience...

Vanessa here...

I'm going to be in meetings most of the morning (working on our new marketing campaign!) so I can't report in right now on my Newbury Street adventures...but suffice it to say, it went much better than the Government Center experience!

Check back later for a full report. Until then...something fun.

Double Vee

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Just because...

This is how I feel at work right now.

Click on the pig...

Observations on the Red Line...

Vanessa here...

I think the cold, winter-like May weather is making everyone insane. At least everyone who was riding the Red Line with me this morning into town. The following is what I observed in the commute from Porter to Kendall Squares on the Red Line:

  1. Man spilled some of his 90 ounce Dunkin Donut coffee on his pants leg and then proceeded to lick the spill off his trousers. Can you say "addiction" people?
  2. Blind woman who refused to take the seat people offered her (to the point of getting snippy), but almost fell down three times when the train came to sudden stops.
  3. Grumbly child with his father who refused to hold onto a train pole, but instead insisted on grabbing his father's...umm...pole...to hang on. (Dad was not happy!)
  4. Girl planning her wedding...on her cell phone having an argument about hydrangeas versus calla lilies (good cell phone service to work underground) and the conclusion was hydrangeas are cheaper and classier and calla lilies belong at funerals (I think I'll agree on that one.)
  5. At least nine people nodding over asleep on their next door neighbor (me included -- had to elbow the dude three times.) Was there something on television late last night that I should have stayed up to watch?
  6. Baby in stroller who kept spitting out her pacifier onto the train floor. The gross thing was, Mom kept picking it back up and shoving it into the kids mouth...yeah, along with all of the botchulism on the Red Line floor! Ewww....bad mother!
  7. Man with a chili pepper plant...and a baguette.
  8. Hip Hop kid with a tattoo on his cheek! Never seen anyone tattooed on their face before. It was some sort of Chinese lettering...he wore it well, I admit.
  9. Guy grumbling to his buddy about how Roger Clemens won his 330th game last night and what a "fat fahhhckin' loooooosah" he is.
  10. Tiny old lady sitting quietly in a corner seat, rubbing her rosaries.

Then, it was time to get off the train...

Lots to do today. Sending out a new direct mail marketing campaign through our new online e-mail software. Pretty cool, although I always get nervous about the people who are going to get it and get ticked off that we're sending them company junk. It's bad enough people refer to me as "The Spaminator" because of my job...I just don't want to, like, go to federal prison for spamming people with company marketing campaigns. Ahhh...the excitement of my job.

Looking forward to seeing lots of cute Boston guys tonight at Croma!

Hang loose...

Double Vee

Monday, May 09, 2005

Oops, I'm gonna do it again...

Vanessa here... (no, not Brittney)

Well, considering the slew of e-mails and comments I've gotten on the topic of the "Cute-Guy Crisis in Government Center" and the verbal gauntlets that have been thrown down challenging the validity of my cute gage, I have decided to conduct yet another test in search for cute guys in our wonderful city...and I've got just the place.

Tomorrow night, in fact, (that's Tuesday, May 10th, people!) I'm attending this cool book release party at Croma Boston for a local author (Marianne Mancusi) who's first book is out. What...free drinks, specialty cocktails and appies...I'm soooo there! But, beforehand, I will try another (non-scientific formula...read...my opinion) polling/assessment of cute guys. This time, I'll be scoping Newbury Street. I'll be out and about from 6:00-6:30 hoping (desperately!) to see some cute guys that our city has to offer. So guys...if you've been told by your friends (preferably female) that you're hot, cute, attractive or handsome, please come by and strut your stuff for me. Hell, come to the party, too...should be quite an event!

Then, on Wednesday, I'll post my report on the guys I see. We'll see if Newbury Street fares better than Government Center. It's got to be better than TWO cute guys on the Vanessa Scale.

This is going to be fun! I'm going to drag Mia and Griz with me for the hell of it. Maybe I'll come out of this with a date...now wouldn't that be fun? Maybe we'll hit it off immediately. We'll fall in love, get married on the beach on the Cape with a clam bake reception to follow. I'll get a cake that looks like a Tiffany gift box. Think of the story I could tell our grandchildren on how their grandparents met while on a manhunt through out Boston.

Okay...hello, Vanessa...cart...horse...get over yourself.

Ah well...it'll be fun! Looking forward!

Double Vee

Sunday, May 08, 2005

What's in a name?

Vanessa here...

Just took this interesting quiz (you know I love them.) Check it out:

V is for Virginal
A is for Alert
N is for Nerdy
E is for Enlightened
S is for Sassy
S is for Smooth
A is for Abstract
V is for Virile
I is for Important
R is for Radiant
T is for Temperamental
U is for Unusual
E is for Explosive

Let's examine...

Virginal? Ummm...well, I know I haven't had that important third sex date in a while, but...nope...this isn't accurate. Alert. Huh? What?! Nerdy...I am not! (I'm not enjoying this analysis so far.) Enlightened...okay, well, I did read that Deepak Chopra book. Sassy...hell yeah, that's a given! Smooth. Well, I have been known to talk myself out of sticky situations. Abstract. Hmmm...don't get that one. Virile. Aren't men usually virile? Does that mean I'm capable of performing sexually like a man? That's a strange one. Important. Well, I wouldn't say I'm important, but I guess I'm important to some people's lives...like my parents and friends. (Boy, that sounds self-important, eh?) Radiant...gee, that's a compliment. Temperamental...wow...did you *just* start reading my blog? :) Unusual...well, I like that one. I like being unusual...with that comes uniqueness. And...explosive...hmmm...I have been know to cause a ruckus.

Well...off to call my mother and wish her Happy Hallmark Day! Like I need a fabricated greeting card company induced guilt-trip to call my mother, report in on my crazy life, let her know I'm still single and still trying to make it in the city on my own. She's a great woman, trust me, and I appreciate that she birthed me and all, but don't think it's this major holiday to have the family over for, eat more ham (and you all know how I feel about the ham) and ooh and ahh and tell your mother, "rest...today's your day." So...what's she supposed to do the other 364 days of the year? Clean up, do laundry and keep after people? Stupid Hallmark. Oh yeah...and then next month, I have to turn around and do this for my dad. The pressure to keep up with the societal trends and responsiblities.

I love ya, Mom...you know that! :)

And just 'cuz...

"M" is for the million things she gave me,"O" means only that she's growing old,"T" is for the tears were shed to save me,"H" is for her heart of purest gold;"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,"R" means right, and right she'll always be,Put them all together, they spell MOTHER, A word that means the world to me. How 1950's of me, eh?

Double Vee

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Batten down the hatches!

Vanessa here...

So, I thought I'd head out today and do some cute guy gazing (as suggested) in Porter Square, but we're being battered by a Nor'easter. I mean, if it were 9 degrees colder, this would be one hell of a snow storm. The wind is howling so much that the windows are rattling throughout my apartment. It's an old triple-decker to begin with that moans even in a weak breeze, but it's like the shingles are going to rip off. The floors are creaking and the tree in front of the house is about to split in two...I just know it. And the damndest thing...all of the water has been sucked out of my toilet...it's insanity. Now, there's this percolating sound in the drain of my sink. I'm telling you...it's nassssstay outside.

And isn't it officially spring? Shouldn't the sky be blue? Where's the sunshine? I want to start tanning. I want to sit on the porch. I want to grill out dinner. And not wearing a parka.

I don't *get* what's going on with our New England weather. Is it global warming?It's supposed to be spring, people, yet I'm wearing flannel pajamas, have on thick socks and am walking around the apartment wrapped in my Cape Cod throw, toting around hot tea. Is it November? Sure...April showers bring May flowers, but May showers are making the flowers retreat into the ground. The trees are trying to bloom, but you can tell it's a struggle.

Dammit...I want warm weather! There's got to be warm weather somewhere...it's the second week of May for heaven's sake. Let's look at Weather.com:

Current temperature in Boston: Rain and wind, winds from the NNE at 27 mph gusting to 44 mph, 45, feels like 35.

Feels like thirty five?!?! Okay...I need to be somewhere else this weekend...surely everywhere isn't like this?!

New York City: 58 and cloudy
Washington, DC: 68 and partly cloudy
Atlanta: 74 and sunny
Miami: 76 and cloudy
New Orleans: 80 and partly cloudy

This isn't fair! I had plans. I was going to go sit on Mass Ave outside the Porter Square T station with my chai latte and watch guys again. I was promised cute guys there. I was going to take a book, my MP3 player, a sandwich, make an afternoon of it. But there's like a rain and wind warning. When I went outside, all I saw were people battling the stiff breeze, umbrellas turned and twisted inside out, street signs were about to come unhinged. It's like being on the set of The Wizard of Oz when the twister was hitting.

This is definitely staying in weather. I am a couch potato. Time for more tea and OnDemand movies. Here's the line up: Ferris Bueller's Day Off followed by St. Elmo's Fire. Ahhh...80's cheese. The best!

And since tomorrow is Mother's Day, I'll make a call to mis madre in Northern Virginia and settle in for my traditional movie fest: Mommie Dearest. Oh come on...it's a classic!!!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Friday, May 06, 2005

Debates and scandals and a redux...oh my!

Vanessa here...

Wow...I go offline yesterday to attend an all-day sales and marketing meeting (boooooorrrrring!) and I come back to tons of hits on my blog, e-mails galore and me, at the center of a controversy! I love that...sounds like I'm a headline on CNN or on the front page of those annoying Boston Metros that get shoved in your face six times a morning as you're entering and exiting the T. (And believe me, I'm one of those people who "wrote to the top" [a bullshit PR campaign if I've ever seen one] about them bombarding you and blocking your way, somehow offended that you won't accept a free paper!)


Apparently my cataloging of the men in Government Center sparked debate! My blog story got linked to this great website called Universal Hub (all about Boston blogs...yeah, they like me!) and several Hubbers chose to comment on my (non-scientific, people!) findings in my half-hour gaze-fest. One in particular, you just have to see...

By Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 05/05/2005 - 16:53.
I'm guessing ole' Vanessa is carrying an extra pound for each of those not cute guys...

Oooooooo-kay. So, let me get this straight. Just because I sit quietly in my car, minding my own business, jotting down notes about the people I was seeing (no crime...at least the parking cop passed me by) and making personal judgment calls, then I'm obviously a fat, ugly sow? All right, so I was munch on some Goldfish crackers at the time. And while they're the snack that smiles back, they're also very low in fat, so I won't apologize for them. Just because, in my opinion, I don't see any cute men, Mr. Anonymous deems me worthy of a check in at St. Elizabeth's for an immediate stomach stapling followed by massive lipo?! Give me a break!

This was my opinion. Had Mia been with me, she may have found 6 cute guys in the bunch...or none. Had my grandmother been with me, she may have found my next grandpa...I can't say. Maybe there are women out there who like their guy to stare at women's asses (while hanging lettuce off their face) or perhaps they like men with boobs bigger than their own. Could make for some interesting foreplay, I'm sure...but not for me. I have a particular guy I'm seeking...age wise, looks wise, personality wise. What can I say...I like hot, buff guys. There, I admit it. I'm a body gal. I like a guy who's in shape. One who dresses like he's had a Queer Eye makeover. One who cares about the image he sends out to people. And I dig cuteness. I'm also 27 years old, so that wipes out the potential for anyone with gray hair who's wearing Fred Sanford hats, or angsted boys dressed in their Catholic School clothes. I mean, come on...I'm not Demi Moore, nor am I Mary Kay Letourneau.

Then, I have to share this other comment...(this person gets what I was saying...)

By Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 05/06/2005 - 01:01.
That first comment is typical of the kind of "quality men" in this town. Anonymous assumes she's fat because she comments on the dirth of attractive men around.

Exactly! Well said Ms. Anonymous. (Oh come on...you know the first was written by a guy and the second by a woman. I just know these things.)

We're having fun, though...and that's what life's all about! Thanks for all of the e-mails and support and opinions. It's great to see that I can get such emotions out of so many people without really trying. I'm just being me.

Tell you what...since this was such a success, I believe I'm going to have to do this again. Yes...I will. Griz and Mia and I will rally and find something cool to do, somewhere hip and happening to go and I will park my ass there and assess yet another 50 guys. I'll even give advance warning so you (all you cute guys!) can make plans to do a little strutty-strutty for me. It'll be fun. So -- WATCH THIS SPACE -- for more details.

Okay, I'm off to do some software training. I've got to market this stuff, may as well know what it does. Hope everyone had a great Cinco de Mayo (we won't talk about the amount of ta-kill-ya Griz and I consumed last night) and a fab-u weekend!

Hang loose!

Double Vee

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Oh, city of mine...where are all the cute guys?!

Vanessa here...

So, I'm sitting in my car at Government Center in downtown Boston waiting for my roommate, Mia, to meet up with me following her shift at Mass General. We were going to go for appies and wine over at Kinsale Pub. As usual, thinking I'd be late, I got there way too early. I got out my notebook to make a grocery list for later, but then I got distracted by people watching. Then, suddenly it hit me...

Where are all of Boston's cute guys???

I watched, I looked, I gawked...but none of these men walking by were cute in the least. And I don't mean that in a judgmental way...just a matter of fact way. None of them were cute. I mean, honestly...here's the list I came up with in my half hour waiting for Mia. (Then you'll believe me!)

  1. Bouncy Man (walking like his shoes were spring-loaded)
  2. Vietnam Vet looking guy with a napsack strapped to his back
  3. Hip Hop Guy grooving out to his own beat
  4. Mr. White Legs...and I'm not talking just regular New England I-Just-Put-On-Shorts-For-the-First-Time-Since-August look. I'm talking In-Need-of-a-Blood-Transfusion white!
  5. Five-Foot-Two Guy...too wee for me
  6. Bike Courier Dude...okay, nice body, full Lance Armstrong attire as he peddled by...I think the cigarette he was smoking was a bit too much
  7. Ponytail Dude, unshaven, drinking unidentifiable liquid from paper bag
  8. Dapper Old Black Man...with a Fred Sanford hat on
  9. Cell Phone Guy #1...phones mashed against people's face with them blabbing on, does not make them attractive
  10. Guy Who's Pants Were Waaaaaaay Too Tight...'nuff said
  11. Guy With High Waters...was he expecting a flood some time soon?
  12. Cell Phone Guy #2...
  13. Guy With Girlfriend...not very cute, but they looked happy...yeah her!
  14. Guy Who Weighs 75 Pounds...I mean, each some brownies, man!
  15. Guy Fiddling With CD Player...totally oblivious to the world around him...CDs are apparently his life and chief concern
  16. Old White Man...with a Fred Sanford hat on
  17. Bald-Skinny Government Worker...exiting the JFK Federal Building...still wearing his staff ID prominently, like he wanted people to look at it
  18. Male Nurse from Mass General...aka Cell Phone Guy #3 (not cute)
  19. Barenaked Lady Guy...guy who looked exactly like lead singer Stephen Page
  20. Freezing to Death Guy...bundled inside his parka like it was -20 below and he was in the tundra with no other protection
  21. Old Asian Man...with a Fred Sanford hat on (what's the dealio, yo?!)
  22. Guy in Dirty Puma Sweatshirt...I mean, honestly amigo, did you not have anything clean to tug on when you left the house. Oh, and the backwards baseball hat didn't help
  23. Cute Guy n Nice Suit...finally!!! Headed to the gym.
  24. Man in Flowery Shirt With Wife...obviously a tourist
  25. Jogging Asian Man...don't stop him or it'll fuck up his routine!
  26. Chubby Guy with Lunch Box...adults actually take lunch boxes to work with them?!
  27. Student Buried in Book...looked like Harry Potter or something
  28. Old Man in Hurry...carrying three briefcases...
  29. Indian Man Talking to Himself...'nuff said (are you seeing my point yet?!)
  30. Ponytail Man #2 With Sandwich...this guy's cramming a Subway in his face and yet he's managing to oggle the ass of every passing woman. You might want to wipe off that lettuce that's hanging off your chin pubes, dude
  31. Red Sox Fan...with girlfriend (not cute, though)
  32. Pudgy Man in a Hurry...with a large hole in the left butt cheek of his jeans
  33. Really Cute Guy...headed to gym (do I see a pattern, finally?)
  34. Yawning Man...face was so contorted, I couldn't make a judgment call
  35. Skinny Jogger...struggling to get up the hill
  36. Saluting Old Dude...instead of waving at people, he was snapping salutes
  37. Borderline Cute Guy...he was wearing beige painter pants, though, circa 1982!
  38. Cell Phone Guy #4
  39. Cell Phone Guy #5
  40. Cell Phone Guy #6 (maybe they were on a conference call with each other)
  41. Angsted High School Boy #1
  42. Angsted High School Boy #2 (jail bait, people!)
  43. Uncute Man going to gym (there goes that theory)
  44. Absentminded Guy...ran out RIGHT in front of a car!
  45. Lime Green Plaid Man...couldn't get past the shirt, sorry...
  46. Bald Biker Dude...with a serious set of man boobs...get a bra!
  47. (ooo...distraction...a woman who looked exactly like Dame Maggie Smith! Maybe it really was her...that would be cool!)
  48. Man With Bad Comb Over...and a gold tie...ewww...
  49. Older Man with Bulbous Gin Nose...could see the broken capillaries from here
  50. Suit and Sox Cap Guy...not very cute, but you could tell he thought he was...

And finally, Mia arrives to save me! What is the deal, people? TWO OUT OF FIFTY MEN in my wonderful city of Boston, home of the World Champion Red Sox, birthplace of freedom, makers of baked beans....2 of 50 men are cute?! How will I ever find a boyfriend? How will I ever live happily ever after with odds like these?

Can someone -- anyone -- tell me where to find the cute guys in Boston? Obviously, not at Government Center!

Must get to work...


Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Getting back to the days of "please" and "thank you"...

Vanessa here...

You know...people just talk too much about things they should keep inside. It's like that skit from Saturday Night Live (or maybe it was the old Kids in the Hall, can't remember) where there was the guy with No Internal Monologue. Or maybe that was Austin Powers...I don't know, but that's not the point! The point is, people have to voice their every thought and emotion at every second of the day, regardless of who might be listening or take what they say as intrusive or offensive. And they have to insert themselves into other people's lives and conversations when it's not necessary or asked for.

We've been programmed as a nation to voice our opinions...talk shows, call in radio programs, news websites with viewer feedback, CNN, C-SPAN (oh yeah, let's bitch about politics), FOX (don't make me watch that), the reality TV shows that make you call a phone number or vote through a website....you see, we've been told that OUR opinions matter. What do YOU think? What does HE think? What does that baby over there think? And it's so overdone that it's to the point now where everyone has forgotten one of the little gems of our childhood that (most of) our parents taught us:

Mind your own business leave others alone. You have
enough business of your own.

Your grandmother told you that...didn't she? Come on, I can't be the only one. (She also told me "Patience is a Virtue. Virtue is a Grace. Both put together is a very pretty face." But, we won't go there on that one...at least not today.)

Don't you think that people can't mind their own business these days? It seems no matter what I do or where I go, there's always someone sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong, making a comment, or generally interfering. At the grocery store ("Oh, I bought that ham last week, it's delicious"...did I ask you?!) or in line at the dry cleaner ("you know you're not supposed to clean suede"...do I need to admit it's not real suede?) or at work "watch that you don't bang your head on the cabinet"...do I look so stupid that I'm going to randomly go bash my head on a cabinet I can plainly see?)

Now some people might say it's people being nice or trying to be helpful, but it's not. It's that insatiable urge to tell everyone what to do. Mothers are constantly telling their kids "Jimmy, don't do that" or "Susie, don't touch those" that they naturally let that come out of their heads in the grocery store or in line somewhere, oftentimes directing at people they don't know, will never see again and have no business correcting or bossing around. It drives me insane.

I don't know if this is a New England thing or an American thing. But is it just me? Am I the only person who's told things by complete strangers as if they're teaching me a lesson or instructing me on something I'm obviously too stupid to figure out on my own? Is it because I look so young? Do I look like I'm going to step out into traffic? Why do I have to be told this? Do I look like I need a comment on the state of political affairs all because I'm carrying a Boston Metro with some crazy headline on it?

People need to just be quiet. Take a deep breath and ask themselves, "is it really important that I involve myself in fill-in-the-blank?" This would ease work miscommunication, altercations at the Post Office (remember Mr. It's Against Federal Law to Touch?), road rage, commuter craziness, the pain of standing in long lines or even shuffling through the chicken specials at the market. It's not necessary to voice every thought or opinion. That's what blogs are for, dammit.

I just want us to go back to the days of manner. Good, old fashioned, run-of-the mill, plain and simple manners. Here's my wish list...I don't think it's too unrealistic...

  1. Do unto others. (Before they have a chance to do unto you...ha! Old joke!)
  2. Be kind and courteous.
  3. Don't talk with your mouth full of food.
  4. Say "please" and "thank you."
  5. Open doors for people.
  6. Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze.
  7. Don't burp (or fart) where other people can hear you (or smell it.)
  8. Give up your seat on the train to an old person.
  9. Don't insert yourself into other people's conversations.

I think if everyone practiced these things, the world would be a better place.

Okay...enough of my ranting for one day...thank you for reading. (See...I said "thank you.")

DoubleVee (needing a double latte...)

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I'm a "Liberal Beauty"...

Vanessa here...

I'm telling you...I just can't get enough of these internet quizzes...

The Liberal Beauty
You scored 70 looks, 81 personality, 28 politics, and 65 sex drive!
You're beautiful, you have a great personality, and youre highly sexual. You're a liberal with your views and you don't put morals before everything. You're probably a great wife or girlfriend, and you know how to make sure that the ones you love are happy. You're probably fun in a conversation and I'm sure that you are as loveable as you are beautiful.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 47% on Appearance

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 65% on Personality

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 26% on Beliefs

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 17% on Sexuality
Link: The What Kind of Girl are You Test written by ramonaaronperez on Ok Cupid

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Vanessa Virtue...she "not professional!"

Vanessa here...

What a quandary on a Sunday night. Dude...The Family Guy returns to Fox tonight at the same time Desperate Housewives is on. What's a girl to do? I think I'll have to opt for the Griffin family for the first half hour. There's just something about Stewie that makes me want to laugh so hard that I almost pee my pants. Desperate Housewives seems to have veered off track. I'm telling you, the Towel-Dropping-Incident-Heard-Round-The-World was the death of the innovative script.

But let me tell you about what happened to me yesterday. I swear, you hear all of these jokes and stories about Postal Workers, but they ARE freaks. Or at least they put on the front of freakdom.

So, I had this package I was sending to my mother in Northern Virginia. I go to the Post Office and get one of those Priority Mail boxes. I couldn't find any of the sticky label thingies, so I just wrote in very neat block letters my return address and my mother's address. I go stand in line. And wait. And wait. And wait. This is one of those Post Offices where they issue passports, so everyone and their brother is in line for that asking questions and taking forever. So, finally, I get to almost the head of the line. The Postal clerk at window three rings her little bell. The dude (freaky dude, let's make that clear) just stands there staring off like he's on lithium or something.

The clerk rings the bell again.

I politely tap the man on the sleeve of his coat and say, "You're next."

Wrong move! He JERKS his arm away from me and turns, wide-eyed, and says to me, "Don't you ever touch me again! It's against federal law!!!"


Of course, everyone in line is now staring at me like I've just molested the freak. I mean, honestly amiga!

Thankfully, the clerk at window one rings her bell. I walk up and hand her the package. She looks at my handwritten addressing and scowls. Here's the conversation:

Me: "What's wrong?"

Her: "This wrong."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Her: "This." (pointing to the non label)

Me: "There's nothing wrong with it. You can read it."

Her: "It not professional!"

Me: "What?"

Her: (snapping at me now) "It NOT professional!"

Me: "What do you mean, "it not professional?"

Her: "You not use label."

Me: "It's fine. You can read it."

She shoves the package back at me with a blank lable. "It not professional. You redo."


Of course, I slink over to the table and fill out the label, reattach it over my handwritten stuff and have to get BACK in line. After waiting another 15 minutes, I finally get called by the clerk at window number two. She looks at the package and asks me why I re-did it with the label and I told her about "It Not Professional" woman and she peeeshawed me. She said, "oh, she's just silly."

Well, yes, she was.

Unf*ckingbelievable!!! I will never go back to that post office...or any post office. I'll start using usps.com and buying my postage online. These people ARE the definition of "going postal."

I'm off to order a pizza, crack open a bottle of Big House White and wait for my TV shows to come on...

Hang loose and avoid the PO!

Double Vee

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