Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Better luck this time...

Vanessa here...

Phew...what a day! Meetings, meetings, meetings! People blathering and droning on. I swear, I think our VP of Sales and Marketing just talks to hear himself talk. He's in love with the sound of his own voice. Guess I better not say more, least he hears about my blog and cans me for bagging on him.

But that's not why you tuned in today. I have to report on my findings on Newbury Street. Straight off, it was much better than Government Center...a whole different group of people to gawk at. And boy, did we gawk! I drug my friend, Griz, along with me and over a nice glass of Chardonnay (for me) and a Zinfindel (for her), we sat quietly and scoped out passing guys. Here's our assessment...cute men in bold...

  1. UPS Guy #1 - tres cute...very tanned, too
  2. Clearing Throat Man - scared the bejeeeesus out of me with his phlegminess
  3. Tall Bald Dude - how's the air up there, sir?
  4. Cute Black Guy - very Taye Diggs-like
  5. Mid 50's Harley Man - complete with plenty of ink and a bitchin' ride
  6. Golf Man - honestly, looked like he'd just stepped off the green...I think he still had spikes on his shoes or something
  7. Bike Courier Man #1 - Hello, Grizzly Adams...get a Mach Three razor, hon
  8. Bike Courier Man #2 - much more like it...hello tight pants
  9. Table of Four Euro Boys - okay, actually, they looked more like rich Saudis...probably distant cousins or nephews of Prince Bandar, slumming in the states
  10. Scoping Out the Ladies Man - yeahh...he knew he looked good and was sending out the vibe to anyone and everyone
  11. Cute Bus Boy at Ciao Bello - those black jeans fit nicely
  12. Asian Red Sox Fan - with a ponytail down to his ass
  13. Old Man in Moth-Eaten Sweater - made me want to buy him a new one
  14. Double-Green Man - okay, if you're going to wear a lime green shirt, don't wear a forest green sweater vest over it...ewww...
  15. Sideburn Dude - we're talking mutton chops, baby!
  16. Guy with Kid - dad so-so, kid...adorable
  17. Chubby Guy with Girl - they looked cute together
  18. Older Man with Wife - they looked sweet together
  19. Cell Phone Man - again, how can I see what you look like with a phone crammed against your face!
  20. English Professor Man - complete with suede patches on the elbows
  21. Wicked Cute Guy...but he was with his mom...and she was telling him what to do...
  22. Not So Cute Guy Walking Three Cute Dogs - all miniature dogs, but they were getting the guy noticed
  23. Ski Cap Dude - had it pulled down to his eyebrows. Sweetie, it's May!
  24. Tweed Coat Man - very circa 1988 Bush I years
  25. UPS Guy #2 - a bit on the doughy side...not tan
  26. Running Valet Guy - only got a breeze of a look, but he seemed cute
  27. UPS Guy #3 - looked like someone's dad
  28. Moby! - OMG...this guy looked just like Moby...wicked cool!
  29. Swinger Man - this dude was walking like there was no tomorrow...swinging those arms and strutting about...he wasn't cute at all
  30. Home Depot Man - bright orange sweater...'nuff said
  31. Unbathed McGill Student - looked like Pig Pen from Charlie Brown
  32. Asian Tourist with Camera - he had on a baggy white shirt over his protruding belly and it made him look like Buddha!
  33. Sugar Daddy - with a young jeune fille on his arm...a little too May to December for me
  34. Nathan Lane Wanna Be - older gay man...but you could tell he didn't think his shit smelled
  35. Hurrying Man - hair was flapping, his face was contorted, he was very busy and had to get somewhere...not cute at all
  36. Older Black Man - with a fur Fred Sanford hat
  37. Dapper Indian Guy - very well dressed, put together...girlfriend...
  38. Happiest Man on Planet Earth - his smile boarded on manic and skeeeeery
  39. Serial Killer Wannabe - the dude was hunched over like he was up to no good...and he walked like he had a corn cob up his ass
  40. Eight Months Pregnant Man - sir...would you like me to call the hospital and tell your baby's on the way?!
  41. Guy Carrying Hard Drive - the computer blocked his face...nice butt though...what?! I looked!
  42. Dirty Jeans Man - tattered jeans...and not in a stylish store-bought way...
  43. Toe Jam Man - ewwww....he was wearing Tevas and could use a sturdy dose of Lamisil!
  44. James Carville Lookalike - thought I was watching Cross Fire there for a second
  45. Homeless Man - carrying a bag of bottles...and wearing an iPod?!?!?!
  46. Oompa Loompa Man - not even kidding you...he looked like an Oompa Loompa, minus the orange skin!
  47. Bored Albino Man - sitting at the table opposite from us, looking like he was being tortured by the conversation at his table
  48. Carson Kresley Lookalike - tall, blond, stylin' along like one of our favorite Queer Eyes
  49. Smells Pootinky Man - I mean....was he smelling shit, or what?
  50. Fed Ex Man - cute, but nothing compared to the first guy in Brown. I think UPS won that battle
  51. Side note: Many cute guys at the book party at Croma...did you come out seeking me?

Well, that was fun! 7 out of 50 on the Vanessa Virtue Cuteness Scale. Much better odds. And I'm sure there were some hotties that escaped me as I was making notes. So, see...there is some hope! I just need to know where to hang out. Heck, we even got stared back at ourselves. Maybe there were guys there making their own list of 50. Hope Griz and I made the grade!

Ain't our city great?!

Hang loose...

Double Vee


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