Monday, May 30, 2005

A clam is a bivalve...

Vanessa here...back from a brief break, and what do you know...I have a sunburn!

Well...Memorial Day weekend is over...the summer has "officially" started. And while Saturday kicked-ass weather-wise, Sunday went back to the chilliness of gray skies and high 40's. We walked around the beach in sweats and coats...but we were at the beach! But I won't bitch about the weather. Let me tell you about this trip with Mia.

I know I said we were going to the Cape, but that's Mia-talk for Martha's Vineyard. What a dork! The girl graduated top of her med school class, but she classifies anything over the Cape Cod Canal as "the Cape." So, after she picked me up from work Friday, we made it to Woods Hole in record time, considering everyone and their brother was headed out for the long weekend, driving down Route 3 towards the Cape.

Usually, the Bourne Bridge, which stretches over the canal, is backed up for miles, but we timed our trip right and zipped along at a good pace to pull into the ferry line. Mia steered her white Beemer (she's such a rich girl...with lots of loans!) in behind a Brigham's ice cream truck and we sat back for the hour-long crossing over to the island.

The party we were going to was at the house of a thoracic surgeon that Mia was seeing off and on these days. Don't tell her boyfriend Larkin that. I think she keeps a doctor or two handy, just in case her little sales guy doesn't pan out. I mean, hello...I can't get one guy and she's got a whole slew of them? Well...she does look like Miss Portugal. I get the distinct impression Mia went into medicine not so much for the paycheck or the thrill of curing people, but more so to bump elbows with all the delectable men in scrubs. She'd set me up with a couple of them, but her taste and mine weren't on the same playing field.

As I've stated over and over...I like cute guys. Not too pretty, not too never get past it with them if they know they're prettier than you. I go more for a good personality and someone who made me laugh, made me feel good about myself. Oh, and I really loved light eyes and a nice ass. Mia goes more for the tall, dark and gruesome type. That's why I laugh at how she and Larkin, my co-worker hooked up. He's compact, muscular, an ex-Army Ranger and a sales guy. Oh...and he's voluntarily bald...shaved...but it works for him. Funny, he's nowhere in the league with Dr. Mia Pimental. But he's totally in love with her...

I thought the weekend would help take my mind off the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. Cute little Jeremy Foley whom I met via my blog here...nice guy, but more of the friends variety. I need something more. And this party was just the place to look. I hoped I'd meet of Mia's successful doctor friends. Why, he could turn out to be my knight in shining armor?

So, we exited the ferry in Oak Bluffs and Mia headed out Beach Road and followed it out along the ocean until we reached Edgartown. You've heard of the's where former president Bill Clinton (We miss you, Bubba...come back!!!) took his yearly summer vacation from DC. Edgartown is this quiet, quaint little town on the east end of the island. (It was featured in that bad Harrison Ford remake of Sabrina, too.) A lot of money in this town. Particularly, Mia's doctor friend. His house is high up on the hill above Edgartown harbor, next door to the house that Billy Joel used to own.

We just hung out, drank beer and ate chowd'ah Friday night, but the festivities started Saturday morning...and the weather was gorgeous! We walked around and shopped and drank in the sunshine. I actually heard my toes sigh in happiness at being in sandals and not crammed into boots and two pairs of socks.

The clambake was going full steam when we arrived across the harbor on Chappaquiddick Island Saturday afternoon. Ha...get it...clams...steam? Nevermind. Mia was greeted with hugs and kisses from her affluent colleagues. She handed me a beer as we trudged through the sand to meet more of her friends. I was probably the only non-medical person in the crowd, so I did my best to blend in. And, if I happened to meet some charming doctor this weekend, then so be it. I was a single gal and I had every right to enjoy myself. But charming wasn't going to happen...instead, I met the biggest ass on the least on the island...

Mia drug me over to meet this friend of hers. I had to do a double-take 'cause behind her stood a light-haired Owen Wilson look-alike dressed in blue jeans and a black short-sleeved shirt. I mean, he looked just like Owen was creepy. His name was Cory Hartle, though, but I couldn't help but envision him as Hansel from Zoolander or as Hutch in Starsky and Hutch. What? Was I going crazy? Was I seeing things? Was I Dr. Bellows from "I Dream of Jeannie?" I needed to get a grip...I hadn't even started drinking yet.

So, Dr. Owen-Wilson-Cory-Hartle tells us to help ourselves to the feast layed out on the beach...there's plenty of food--lobsters, clams, corn on the cob, roasted potatoes, he told us, pointing over to a large table covered with what appeared to be a Bacchanalian feast. It smelled amazing and my stomach growled very unladylike. And just when I tried to Miss Flirty and impress this guy, here's what happened...

“Oh, I love clams. They’re my favorite seafood. That’s why I live in New England...all the fresh fish and all,” I rambled on, probably sounding like some stupid Southern belle or something.

Cory looked down at me, screwed up his mouth and said, "Actually, clams aren't fish. They're bivalves. You don't actually think they're fish do you?"

"No...I didn't say that...I..."

"Yeah, you did say that. You're not a doctor are you?"

Huh? What did that have to do with the price of tomatoes? "Ummm...I work for a computer software marketing."

"Oh...that explains it." He took a big swig of beer and stars ogling these chicks that walked by. What a jerk!!! Then he looks back at me with this idiotic snicker. "I can't believe you thought clams were fish." Was that a sneer of derision?

"I did not! I was just trying to have a polite conversation." Was the "you dick" implied?

"Sure..." he said, looking away.

Thanks a lot, asshole. What was this, biology class?

He actually stood there and watched me layering the various seafood on my plate. He went from extremely cute to extremely gross in my mind. What's with that? Does he had to show me how stupid I am? Do I have to have my faux paux pointed out to me? Didn't he get that I was flirting with him? Am I so pathetic that I can't even properly flirt with a tall, dark, handsome doctor? Why did Dr. Bivalve have to be such a prick?

I managed to eembarrassmentdespite the embarassment. I ate a lot of seafood, played in the ocean and got a lot of sun, which was the point of the weekend. Sure, Mia hooked up with the thoracic surgeon and I had to listen to them going at it in the next hotel room, but I read a couple of good books and enjoyed not being home. And dammit...I enjoyed the clams. So... = P

You can bet, Dr. Cory Hartle won't be on my list of guys to follow up with. Bleck!

Now, it's back to work, and back to the boy hunt...

Hang loose,
Double Vee


Blogger Julia Chamberlain said...

What a dick, V. You were just making converstation, and he had to go and get all superior on you. I hate that. I once met a really cute actor who was like that. I went with my sister to see a production of Sean O'Casey's Shadow of a Gunman, one of those depressing yet heartwarming Irish plays. Afterwards, we went out with the cast, because Alex knew one of the actors, and I tried to flirt with one of the lead actors, Rory who was actually from Australia but did a really good Irish accent. Picture Pierce Brosnan cute. Anyway, I made a comment about Mel Gibson, and Rory went all, you do know that Mel is really Australian? Well, hello, he was born in Peekskill and lived here he was twelve, I think that makes him Amerstralian. He didn't get it.

6:30 PM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

I feel your pain, Julia. Guys are just so dense sometimes, it's not even funny. And doesn't everyone know by now that the Melster was born in New York but raised in Austrialia? Doesn't that dude ever read IMDb? :)


9:17 AM  
Blogger Diana Peterfreund said...

Are you KIDDING me? Dude, you'd just used "Seafood" in the previous sentence. Clams are your favorite "seafood." Nowhere did you say that clams were fish. Prick.

And, um, I liked the Harrison Ford version better than the original. Audrey was all about suicide in the original, plus you really thought that the brother loved his fiancee in the remake, whereas in the original it did seem to be about money.

12:46 PM  

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