Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Dishes aren't done, man!

Vanessa here...

Had a bit of a run-in with the landlord, Freak of Nature (FofN), last night. Mia and I dared approach him about purchasing a dishwasher for our apartment. I mean, what kitchen full of conveniences in 2005 doesn't have a dishwasher? Well, that would be us. The students below us on the first floor have one, but we don't.

We asked Mr. Paulsen why...

Us: Can we have a dishwasher?

FofN: Absolutely not.

Us: Why not?

FofN: Because of water leakage.

Us: Huh?

FofN: It's a well known fact that an appliance like that on any level of a home that's not ground level has a hazard of leakage.

Us: Not if it's installed correctly.

FofN: I just won't stand for it.

(Stand for it? Like I'm just chopped down his corn stalks or something?)

Us: What if we bought it ourselves?

FofN: I won't let you.

Us: But it's our own money. And we'd pay to have it installed.

FofN: No. It's my house and I say you can't have a dishwasher.

Us: But the people on the first floor have one.

FofN: (staring at me) It was already installed when I bought the house.

Us: So, if we get one that doesn't have to be installed, is that okay? You know, they make portable dish washers.

FofN: I won't allow a dishwasher, period. The portable ones leak even more than regular ones and if there is any water damage at all, I'll make you replace the kitchen tile. I don't trust machines like that...that turn themselves off an on. I just won't have it here!

And he stalks off...


Not worth the argument at this point. I mean, this dude doesn't have air conditioning in the summer or cable television the year through. He takes his laundry to his mother's every weekend instead of having a washer and dryer and they have a maid that comes in once a week to clean because what...they don't own a vacuum cleaner? Does he have a problem with household appliances? Is it a phobia of some sorts? He doesn't seem to have issues with the leaf blower and lawn mower, but then again, those are outside toys. He did balk when Mia purchased us a used washer and dryer and had it installed in the basement. He wasn't pleased at all, but we got our way on that one. We'll find him in the basement sometimes just staring at it like it's going to up and attack him. Aren't there people who think there are aliens in appliances?

As I said, Freak of Nature...

So, Mia and I are going to look online for a portable dishwasher and try to sneak it in when he's not home. What he doesn't know won't kill him...or maybe it will?

Hang loose,

Double Vee


Anonymous emily said...

Is this entry's title playing on a quote from "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"?? :)

Screw the FoN--get the dishwasher! Save your hands from pruning! :)

9:37 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Kerri Mahon said...

Hey, Vanessa, some chick named Deanna has included you on her website!

10:21 AM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

Way to go, Emily, for getting the reference!

Thanks for the head's up, Elizabeth!

5:34 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

Its Michele visiting again. I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to put a link on my blog so it will be easier for me to follow the adventures in Landlord Land. Based on what you've written about him, I think he's hysterical! I feel bad that you have to deal with him for real. He Really Stared at your washing machine? Maybe he's a transplant from a rip in time? An alien who escaped from Area 51? A believer that technology and robots will develop AI and will take over the world? AND as an upstanding human, he avoids giving them opportunities to do so?????
I hope you don't mind that I'm having a little fun with this. He is too much of an interesting character not to. I bet you could write an adventurous sci-fi book based on him. He, naturally, being the villan. *grin*

6:08 PM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

Thanks for linking, Michele! Always happy to see more people join the cult. And LOL on the landlord turned never know!

7:16 PM  

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