Monday, June 20, 2005

Rollin', rollin' rollin'...get that washer rollin'...

Vanessa here...

I am proud to report that Mia won the portable dishwasher auction on eBay for only $80 on Saturday! It was a triumph of the highest magnitude. And, the buyer was in-state (like we planned), so that made it even better. We just had to go get it, get it home and get it inside without the Freak of Nature finding out.

This is what it looks like...

These puppies sell at Sears and Best Buy for like $380!

So, Sunday, after the Paulsens left for their ritualistic go-to-Mass-then-visit-relatives-all-day, Mia and I borrowed her boyfriend Larkin's Jeep (he was too hung over from a Red Sox game to help) and drove to Wilbraham out in Western Massachusetts. Talk about out in the sticks! Yes...Massachusetts has "sticks." There, we met the elderly Barbara O?Grady who was selling the dishwasher because she's moving to this retirement community in Boca Raton, Florida. (She can't take the cold weather anymore...I can sympathize.)

Thank God this dishwasher has wheels on it (hence the portability), so we roll it out from Barbara's apartment to the Jeep and struggled to hoist it into the open top and into the back seat. We looked like two spastic monkeys fighting over the last batch of bananas. Almost dropped the beast of a machine twice! Good thing Mia takes Tae Kwan Do and has some massive muscles on her upper arm.

But before the dishwasher was in the Jeep, we were both soaking wet. See, Barbara O?Grady failed to remove the water from the connecter hose, so we got drenched when the machine toppled over the first time. I got the brunt of it since I caught the hose, therefore giving me the drowned rat look.

Praying the whole way home that the Paulsens were still visiting their "maahhh'tha" (or more likely their "faaaahhh'tha, since it was Faaaahh'tha's Day), we were relieved to see their Acura missing from the driveway. We hurried to get Barbara?we named the machine after the previous owner?into our second floor apartment, struggling with the bitch on wheels for over thirty minutes.

Finally, two lanky guys on their way to shoot some hoops stopped and helped us lift Barbara out of the Jeep and up onto the porch. Mia and I both flirted with them appropriately ( I'm going to miss an opportunity?) and we thanked them before they bounded off down the street. Then, we were left contemplating how to actually get Barbara upstairs.

"I'll push, you pull," Mia said.

So we did.

Half an hour later, minus four fingernails and completely dusted with fresh bruises on my thighs and forearms of all varieties, Barbara now sits quietly underneath our microwave oven shelf, ready to use. Five minutes after we got her inside and the door closed, Dan and Cathy Paulsen pulled into their driveway. Phew!

Drenched in sweat, Mia and I high-fived each other and thanked God for Sunday Mass, even if neither of us went.

The Paulsens ended up going out for dinner last night, so we ran Barbara. It was perfect. The gently swish of the water and the groaning strains of of the wash cycle. But it was over in no time and we have clean dishes. Dishes that I didn't have to wash. So what...we're bad tenants in that we broke the Freak of Nature's "rules," but man, this is the best $40 bucks (my half) that I've ever spent in my life! Now...if we can just keep Mr. Paulsen out of our apartment...

I'll worry about that later!

Happy Monday and Hang Loose!

Double Vee


Anonymous j said...

i'm laughing my fucking ass off at this. your landlord is a freak of nature.

8:35 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

Hey! I resemble that remark about Wilbraham and the sticks. It's even "stickier" where I am. Wilbraham is considered to be a very "posh" community ..tee hee. You won't find me there *grin*
Congrats on dishwasher! Lets hope your FoN landlord doesn't end up like that creepy villan from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang -the one who could "smell" kids and would stalk them until he caught them. I hope at least his schnoze or ears are normal. Isn't it great hunky guys come around when you need them? I HOPE they were hunky ... at least with muscles in working order *grin*
Have fun!

8:55 AM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

Oh a city girl like me, Newton is damn near the sticks! And yes, the guys were hunky and nice to look at. Too bad they ran off before I could get their names or vital statistics.

Mia's going to have her sweet, old Portuguese grandmother make us a cover for Barbara, so we can hide her when she's not in use.

= )

9:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, why aren't you allowed to have a dishwasher? Isn't that, like, standard in my American homes and apartments?

9:02 AM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

He thinks it's a liability because of water damage issues. He also told Mia that if there were a dishwasher in our apartment, he'd have to get flood insurance! What. A. Dork! That's not what flood insurance is for. Honestly...he's retarded!

9:14 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

Flood Insurance????
He's too much. He can't possibly be for real!!!!
He kind of reminds me of Mr. Farley from Three's Company.
Please tell me he doesn't LOOK like that too *grin*
I'm still chuckling.....

11:27 AM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

He actually looks a bit like Herman Munster...only without the green skin and bolts in his neck. He's lanky, tall, big head and sad, sad doggy eyes. And he's got a pot belly that hangs out over his pant.

11:30 AM  
Anonymous j said...

he sounds like a real piece of work.

11:31 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

I love visiting your site. Great laugh to start the week

12:47 PM  
Blogger Kathy Holmes said...

Well, V, sorry about having to delete a post but I was telling you about a cute little dishwasher I saw that looked just like a microwave. I was thinking you could sneak that in but then I realized you were already sneaking this big thing in. Duh! Anyway, wish you the best on pulling it off.

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I lived in Baltimore, I bought one of those rolling babies at a church rummage sale. It was only two blocks away, so my friend and I wheeled it back to my place. ;+)))

My next door neighbor saw us and recognized it. They had donated it to the church for their parish house 15 years before, when they bought their new one. That was probably 15 years ago now, so that dishwasher is like 40 or something. What did I pay for it? $25. LOL! It's dinged up and the formica on top is ripped off in spots, but it still works great.

3:14 AM  
Anonymous Pam said...

Wow, $80! that's a bargain. I have one of the $400 models, barely used, collecting dust in my sister's basement. I'd bought it after 5 years in my last apartment, had it a month, then had to a place that had a dishwasher. I could use it here actually, will have to see about getting it down somehow....they are small, but heavy!

:) Pam

5:27 PM  

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