Monday, July 11, 2005

Wanted: Roommate for Porter Square apartment...

Vanessa here...

I'm going to have to start blogging in the late afternoon or in the evening as my mornings at work are getting more hectic. So our little, Napoleonic Sales VP has formulated these weekly meetings now with the sales, marketing and customer service group to happen each Monday where we're supposed to review last week. Ugh. At least it gives me time to get in and get my coffee and eat my bagel. I'm gonna have to run soon.

I found a new dance channel to listen to at work (through the earplugs, of course.) Helps me concentrate while I'm doing the lead generation and all my other marketing duties. Party 93.1 from South Beach Miami...oh, I wish I were there...

The weekend was weird...

Got some sun, which was nice, went out with Griz and met some cute guys in town for their orientation at Boston College (waaaaay too young) and I think I saw Johnny Damon from the Red Sox at the Shaws Market on Comm Ave. But I also had someone from work show up answering my ad for a roommate.

It's this guy named Bill Berliner -- "like the city, plus ER, the hit medical drama" -- he says to me when I answer the door. He's part of the inside sales team and usually hides out like some sort of city-dwelling rodent in the way back of the office. He's always introducing himself to people like we've never heard of him. Well, he's got that little strip of paper in his hand with my addy and phone number and wants to see the place. Honestly...what choice do I have?

He's this tiny little man with a slight limp and must be careening through his 50's on the way to 60 years of age. He's got a scraggly, mountain-man type beard and ultra thick glasses. He wears Nascar suspenders over his plaid (long sleeved!) shirt and blue jeans. I know he's good on the phones and gets a lot of sales, but I might have to pick a wrist if this guy moves in here. Is this honestly how desperate I am?

As he walks through the place, he pulls out a red bandana handkerchief from his back pocket and puts it to his face. He starts breathing through it like there's just been a gas attack in my apartment. Here's the convo...

Me: "Is there a problem?"

Bill: "There's a distinct odor in here that's attacking my sinus cavity."

Me: (sniffing) "I don't smell anything."

Bill: "You must use an aerosol hair spray."

Me: "Ummm, no, I use a pump."

Bill: "That's just as bad releasing toxins and noxious gases into the air."

Me: "Well, sorry, but it's what I use."

Bill: "You also wear a great deal of perfume. I can't have that."

Me: "What do you mean you can't have that? Sorry, but I'm not going to stink."

(And for the record, I use one squirt of Happy per day.)

Bill: "I'm highly allergic to the chemical compounds within modern-day perfume and you won't be able to use it if I live here."

Me: (ushering him towards the door) "Well, then, I'm sorry it didn't work out, Bill."

Bill: "But I didn't even get to see my bedroom."

Me: "That's okay...we would have had to have fumigated for you since Mia's a doctor and brings in lots of random germs and diseases home from the hospital."

This actually worked on him 'cause his eyes got big as saucers and he said, "see ya at work" and left.

Is this what my choices are? I mean, it's bad enough there's a Freak of Nature upstairs, but I've got to have one more in with me? No thank you. I think I'll place an add on Craig's List today and see what happens. It can't get worse...right?

Off to meeting hell. Hang loose...

Double Vee


Anonymous j said...

i would have sprayed perfume on him or something just to fuck with him even further. or taken his bandana away.

9:09 AM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

Well, "j," I do have to work with the guy, odd ball that he is. I just didn't want to live with him. He'd probably have to sanitize the bathroom after each use or something.

Why can't some Greek God come a knockin' at my door?


9:10 AM  
Anonymous Stephanie K. said...

Oh! Thanks lots for the link to Party 93. I've got it on now and the music is great. :)

9:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. Finding a roommate is a total pain in the ass.

9:16 AM  
Anonymous Nathan in Dorchester said...

If you're hot, I'll move in with you.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

Ummm...thanks for the offer, Nathan...but I'm not looking for *that* kind of roommate.


10:28 AM  

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