Thursday, August 11, 2005

I smell pootinky...

Vanessa here...

A bit perturbed.

Can someone please explain to me what the deal is with people and their lack of personal hygiene? Didn't they have to take health class in sixth grade?

Last night, on the way home on the T, this guy was standing next to me and wheeeeeeeeeee doggy did he stink! He was definitely challenging my olfactory muscles. It wasn't just that he smelled...he reeked! Like he hasn't showered in this new millennium. Thing was, he wasn't a bum or anything, but was dressed nicely in a dress (blue) shirt and khakis. And on top of that, he smelled like he'd had a gin bath.



Then, this morning, I'm on the train, sitting there, and I smelled massive B.O. Like someone cooking hamburgers. (Yeah...try eating that for dinner now.) He stood in front of me, swaying and totally invading my personal space. He kept yawning and propelling his stank breath at me. Yep...more alcohol and his eyes had crazy in them. I had to cover my face with my fist and breath into it to ward off the offending odor and to keep my gag reflex at bay. Drunk, stinky and stupid at 6:00 a.m. is no way to start your day.



I get into the office and All-Chicken-All-Day Mara is chowing away on chicken curry for breakfast. So, the whole cube area around me basically smelled like feet. (Again with the gagging.)



Am I just super-sensitive to smells or are people not bathing any more? Are people thinking that they're saving water? Protecting the environment? Or are they just plain lazy? How much effort does it take to shower off each morning before joining the belch of humanity?

I am so ridiculously aware of my own "scent" and not wanting to offend anyone with any kind bodily odor. I spend 15 minutes in the shower with deodorant soap, followed by a nice body wash. Then, after drying off, there's the whole body-spray-solid-deodorant-followed-by-a-blast-of-spray ritual. Now, I'm not one of those people who's so powdery and flowery that you can smell me before I enter a room...but I do keep Dial, Irish Spring and Lever 2000 in business.



So, I beg of my fellow commuters (hell, my fellow humans sharing the planet and the air God gave us to breathe), please take the time to groom and take care of yourself. At least sponge off in the morning and don't wear clothes that stink. You're not 18 any more and grunge went out with Bill Clinton. Hygiene people! Be cognoscent of your...emissions.

I'm climb off my soap box...ha...get it...soap...cleaning...oh, nevermind...

Tune in tomorrow...since we work with a lot of banks and financial firms as our software clients, our CEO is making all staffers get finger printed. They're bringing in an actual FBI guy to do it to everyone tomorrow. Great...all my drunk, stinky friends on the red line will think I'm some sort of fugitive...



Hang loose,
Double Vee

5 Comments:

Anonymous j said...

i'll never be able to eat a hamburger again without thinking of this.

10:01 PM  
Blogger Nikki said...

A gin bath? Now that sounds like it would be painful once it got to your girly bits...

I know what you mean though, some people have no clue!

8:23 AM  
Anonymous emily said...

My nostrils were just offended by a horrible stench...it wasn't just BO from after playing basketball, it was more like he hadn't showered in a few years!

I had to breathe through my mouth as I spoke... I feel like it attached to my clothes!

Like that beast smell from Seinfeld! :)

9:05 AM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

Yeah, even breathing out of my mouth didn't help matters much. I think I'm going to start carrying Lysol and just spraying it and on people. And carry Listerine breath strips and just offer them to all the cigarette smokers, coffee drinkers and booze hounds.

VV

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On my recent flight to Reno, I had just buckled myself into my seat, and was watching the rest of the passengers straggle in. Two young muslim men, wearing turbans came towards me, and I almost fell over as soon as they got within 8 feet. The stench was so strong, thick, heavy seriously aged BO. Thank god they kept going. I would have been sick if I'd had to sit next to it. What is UP with that? How could they not know how disgustingly bad they smelled? Is it a cultural thing, where they just bathe far less often than us? Major Ewwwww

6:53 PM  

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