Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Put your money where your mouth is...

Vanessa here...

So, do you have any friends who could stand to lose a pound or two and they talk constantly about how they're going to do this, that or the other diet? Sure, you do. Hell, you may be a person like this yourself. I'd be happier myself if I lost maybe 10 pounds. But, honestly, people...put your money where your mouth is.

All-Chicken-All-Day Mara is driving me nuts, beans and crackers.(tm) Yes, I'm trademarking that phrase. A-C-A-D Mara...all she does is complain about how overweight she is. She pinches the rolls of fat on her stomach. She turns sideways to show us her child-bearing hips. She waggles the fat on her upper arm. But all the time, she's saying how she's sticking to her diet and going to the guy and working out and how her muscles are working. Yet, for as long as she's talking about it, she's cramming her face with food.

Here's what she had today:

Bacon, egg and cheese bagel sandwich (she said it's all about the protein)

High protein nut bar (that had 12 grams of fat)

After talking for 20 minutes about how she was going to go get a roasted chicken salad, she came back with a chicken, cheese, rice and bean burrito that you could have sailed down the Amazon. In her thinking, it was "no big deal" because she didn't get extra sour cream and the cheese and chicken is protein. Then, she said "and the rice isn't bad when it's coupled with the beans. It turns the rice into protein." I'm like what the fuck? Is she serious? Certainly not. But, she is! She honestly believes this cock 'n bull! Rice coupled with beans turns into protein? On what planet? Rest assured, she's going to work out at the gym with her personal trainer (that's another thing...she's always talking about her personal trainer) tonight and says she'll "work it off." (We won't mention how she was talking to a buddy about getting KFC for dinner. What? It's chicken.)

Oh...then the other thing she's been saying..."water is bad for you." WHAT??? Yeah, it's bad for you because it makes you pee all the time. And "your organs shouldn't have to work so hard." Is she freakin' kidding me? Are these words really coming out of her mouth?

My point is, if you're going to talk the talk, walk the walk. If you're concerned about your weight, then do something about it. Don't just talk about it. If you're professing that you're only going to do proteins and such, don't invent jackassian food rules about rice turning into a different food group. Go for a walk at lunchtime. Eat a salad instead of a burrito. Drink water.

And, for all things that are right and holy, if you're going to only talk about eating chicken...then either do it or quit talking about it.

Yes, I have no patience for stupidity.

Then again, who does?

Okay, end of rant.

Hang loose,
Double Vee


Anonymous ZaZa said...

That's right up there with nothing you eat has any calories...as long as nobody sees you eat it.

12:44 AM  
Anonymous j said...

that's the stupidest diet i've ever heard of

5:27 PM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

It reminds me of the scene in CLUELESS where she says it's less calories if you cut the meat sideways. The things we'll do to convince ourselves we're eating the right things.

...who saw A-C-A-D Mara eat three chocolate chip cookies today.

6:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...who saw A-C-A-D Mara eat three chocolate chip cookies today."

Were they chicken flavored?

(I think somebody needs a serious reality check.)

12:42 PM  

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