Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Am I the *only* person in Boston who doesn't smoke?

Vanessa here...

Choking on second hand smoke.

I ask...am I the only person in boston who doesn't smoke?



I get off the train and people can barely wait to get up the stairs of the station before they light up. I walk down the sidewalk and am bombarded with smoke. I get to my building and there are people jonesing one last cig before heading in for a few hours. Then, at lunch, you have to run the smoke gauntlet to get out of the building and into any restaurant. The street is littered with butts and the air smells like tobacco.

Griz smokes. I've yelled at her about it. I've told her it will shorten her life. I've sent her pictures of smoker's lungs.



See...it's gross! Yet she still smokes.

All-Chicken-All-Day Mara smokes, too. She leaves the office like eight times a day to go smoke and then comes back in and smells like someone set her on fire. Then I have to smell it.

Please don't get me wrong...I realize it's everyone's right to do what they want. But I don't want to smell it. I don't want to walk around it and through it and near it. I don't want to gag on it.

Now, I tried to smoke in college...I did. I was one of those drunk chicks at the college band party slopping beer all over the place and puffing -- yes, puffing -- on a cigarette. I could not for the life of me inhale. I totally understand when Bubba said in the 1992 presidential that he never inhaled. Like me, the man has massive allergies and it's physically impossible to inhale or do it right. The few times I tried, it made me sick as a dog.



And then, there are all these health professionals who purport the dangers of smoking, yet I walk by this medical complex every morning and all of the nurses are gathered around the door smoking like someone's going to take their smokes away from them. They're there in the winter time, too, during a Nor'easter, huddled together for warmth as they flick their Bics and get that one last drag.

So, please everyone...please take care of yourself. Quit smoking. Give your lungs a break! Give MY lungs a break! Let Boston breathe free.

And since I mentioned my drunken college days, I'll end with this great e-mail I got today...

WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH:

1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.

2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead and wiggling my butt while yelling "woo-hoo!" is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3 I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass and honestly believe I could do it too.

4. In my last trip to pee, I realize I now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess I was just four hours ago.

5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. submarine sandwich on the floor (which I'm eating even though I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it.

6. I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love them soooo much.

7. I get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because "oh my god! I love this song!"

8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.

9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.

11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so I keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.

12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.

13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me just tonic, but that's just because I can no longer taste the vodka.

14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.

15. I start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but..."

16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit on it.

17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.

19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my button fly pants to cut down on the time I’m in the bathroom away from my drink.

20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault that I'm having problems walking straight.


Oh, you know we've all done it!!!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

2 Comments:

Anonymous emily said...

I've done about 1/2 of those...unfortunately, I still smoke--not much drinking....

8:16 AM  
Anonymous j said...

i love your theory on clinton. he should have explained it better back then and maybe it wouldn't have been such a joke.

12:00 PM  

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