Thursday, September 08, 2005

Have you ever had to make up your mind...

Vanessa here...

I have to thank each and every one of you for the wonderful outpouring of advice and help today in the Hunter Celibacy matter. You guys are the greatest and I appreciate everything everyone's had to say on the subject. Thanks for playing nice with each other, too. ;)

It's a quandary, eh? And there have been several questions asked, so let me just step back and get a can opener and pry open the head and heart of Vanessa Virtue a bit so you can take a peek.

See...I'm a romantic at heart. I admit it. I want love and romance and flowers and candy and attention and happily ever after. (Who among us really doesn't want that?) But, I'm also a staunch realist. I tend to be too pessimistic about things and am usually waiting for the other shoe to drop. (In this case, a nice Bruna Magli size 11.) So, when Hunter made this announcement, I honestly wasn't surprised. I knew there had to be a catch. Things were just going to well for me. Sure...I was expecting something much worse, but in retrospect, this isn't a complete deal breaker. Not yet.

What can I say? I'm 27 years old. I'm healthy. I'm active. I have lust in my heart (just like Jimmy Carter admitted in Playboy back in 1976.) And I lust Hunter. Plain and simple.

My philosophy is that relationships are a recipe of many elements:
  • love
  • trust
  • friendship
  • companionship
  • physical attraction
  • constant communication
  • commitment and staying power

Now, I know that looks like a step ladder, but I believe that each ingredient is equally as important. I have friends who on the surface have a great marriage...they're best friends, they get along, but there's like no sex. Nothing. And that leaves a hollowness in the relationship. On the other hand, I know people who have the sexual part, but they're hardly ever together and have their own sets of friends. Each combination works differently for different people.

Me...I like the whole package and I think for any relationship to be successful and really pack a powerful, lifelong punch, you have to have a mix of everything. Of course, all of these things can't be present immediately and some have to be worked up to, but I honestly believe in instinctual physical attraction. And this is something that can develop over time and isn't always immediate. But it's a building and growing process and when all of a sudden you're told that that particular building block is missing from the set, then it does get one thinking.

I'm not saying I'm breaking up with him. I'd be a total dork to do that...right now. I'm not some nympho who has to get it all the time and I don't need to resort to the Rabbit Habit, Nubby G or Finger Fun yet (although the last one is definitely intriguing...), but I would like to see where this can go. Maybe he'll be so attracted to me that he'll want to test out the cow to see if he can get the milk for free.

I don't have to decide this today. Right? "Go with the flow," that's what Griz is always telling me. (That and some other crazy saying about "Ain't nuthin' but a chicken wing." WTF?)

Hunter and I are going out tomorrow night and we're going to talk a little more about this turn of events. I want to respect his wishes, but I always want to let him know my concerns and where I'm coming from. Communication, after all, is on that list up above. Then, he's going out of town on Monday for a week-long training course at the FBI headquarters down in Langley. Maybe our time apart may make the heart grow fonder.

Either that or I'll just get him drunk and attack him. (What?! I'm kidding!)

Thanks for the pearls of wisdom. Now, on to the next challenge in my life. Mia's rent is paid up through the end of this month...I need a new roommate 'cause I ain't made of money. Think I'll go put up an ad on Craig's List. Can't be that hard to find

Hang loose,
Double Vee


Blogger Michele said...

*sigh*,You sound SO together.
Love the list.
You're going to be fine.
In your post, there were little pieces of all of us that wrote
The bottom line, we just want you to be happy and there's nothing wrong with having fun in the process.

8:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, that's a great list. You should teach a class or something on relationships or maybe you read that somewhere? Either case, it's a good list we should all live by.

7:40 AM  
Anonymous j said...

looks like you've struck a chord, vv. remember, i'm still here

7:41 AM  
Anonymous whatever said...

Don't get clamidia.

8:11 AM  
Blogger Dorothy said...

Gotta admit I love the list, too. Looks pretty similiar to my soul mate qualification list except I put "unconditional" in front of love to describe soul mates. But, you're just fine. You hit the main ingredients for a satisfactory, satisfying relationship...something we all need in these days and times! Oh, I eliminate the "physical attraction" part in my list because with soul mates, it's what's inside that counts and not what's on the outside. Well, look at me...just can't get soul mates off the brain. It seems I eat, breath, sleep soul mates

8:45 AM  

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