Friday, September 23, 2005

MBTA stands for...

Massachusetts Bay Traveling Awfully...

Vanessa here...

I've got some time to kill before Hunter comes to pick me up for dinner. (And I'm shaved, plucked, perfumed and I've got my new IPEX bra and matching panties on...maybe I can make things happen!) Let me bitch about the T.

Okay, well, that's not the MBTA's official name, but it should be. It's just awful. Awful, I tell you. I know I've sung this song before, but same verse is like the first. If the MBTA got any better, maybe I'd stop complaining.

Here are my Top Ten complaints about the T:
  1. Chivalry is dead: Okay, I know this isn't necessarily the MBTA's problem, but what happened to the good ole days of men giving up seats to women or young people respecting older people and giving them their seat. Nooooo...not in Boston. Today, I was headed for an open seat and this teenage boy actually pushed me out of the way and swooped the seat and then said, "Ha!" Across the aisle, Mr. Business Man sat behind his Boston Herald while this sweet, wobbly 85 year old woman stood in front of him gripping the railing. Did he care? Hell no. Pregnant women sway with the train because no one will let them sit and blind people balance so the college kids won't be inconvenienced out of their seats. The MBTA tried this "Be Polite" campaign a couple of years ago, but when one of the posters constantly got graffited with "Blow Me," well, they punted that campaign.
  2. Being told to "take your personal belongings": Like I have to be told this? Like I'm going to leave my Prada backpack? Or my purse? Or my lunch bag? Or what...some mom's going to forget her kid? Are we this moronic of a society that we have to be told to take our personal belongings? What exactly do people leave on the trains?
  3. Move your ass! Again, this isn't necessarily the MBTA's fault, but it occurs in their station. You get behind someone and you're trudging up the stairs. As you near the top, you can see their struggle. It's the most exercise they've done since Clinton was president and we had relative peace and prosperity. But now, this person can't even haul themselves up the stairs. And when they get to the top...what do they do? They stop. Dead in their tracks. At the top...sufficiently blocking the way for everyone else. Note to all you people...get out of the way and keep moving.
  4. Paint the Green Line Yellow: Why? Because it's a fucking school bus! It hauls high school kids down Comm Ave out to Brighton High and it carts the rich and privileged little cherubs of Boston University from one class to the next. It makes the MBTA a glorified school bus, only without the bra popping, rubber band fights and bus driver telling you to sit down.
  5. Screen the Entertainment: When I was in London, I remember how awesome the performers in the tunnel were. They could actually sing and dance and play guitars or other instruments. They made you want to stop and listen and jam along. Noooo...not in Boston. At Park Street, you've got the dude who plays random notes on a saxophone. I want to give him a $10 and tell him to go buy a real song. There's also the banjo guy who plays the same song over and over and over. Then, there are the hip hop kids who bang drum sticks on flipped over buckets and while the jam is good, it's repetitive. Nothing fresh or new. In some cities, you have to audition to be the entertainment in the underground. Come on, Boston...form a committee!
  6. I'm Going Where? Griz told me last weekend that she was on the Red Line headed south of the city to meet up with a friend at this pseudo beach bar in Quincy called Water Works. Well, she gets on a Braintree train and then all of a sudden, without announcement, it's an Ashmont train and she's headed to Forest Hills -- very off the beaten track for where she's trying to go. 20 minutes later, she's back at JFK waiting for a Braintree train, but did at any point the train announce they were switching? Nope. Guess us T riders need to learn how to be omniscient. Would it kill the announcer to give us a little info?
  7. Back up in the Tunnel: As if the Big Dig tunnel back up isn't enough in a car, now the train cars feel they have to slow down and stop between stations. For what reason? I've been to New York and those trains run their asses off. They never slow down or stop or creepy crawl from one station to the next like they do here. And Boston's like 90 times smaller than New York's system. We should move more efficiently. But today, I sat between South Station and Downtown Crossing for EIGHT minutes. And there wasn't another train in front of us. It was for a "schedule adjustment." Yeah, well...adjust this.
  8. I wanna meet him... The guy on the Red Line in the morning with the sexy voice. The one that wishes you a good morning and sings out the station names like he's telling you what he's serving you for dinner. He must be hot. (And if he's not, let me think he is.)
  9. And now a word from our sponsors: What's with stations being sponsored by particular items? I get that South Station is nothing but a giant iPod ad, but Park Street is pushing Dove Moisturizer at me? And Harvard is nothing but Bank America ads. As if I'm going to get off the train, see all the red, white and blue posters and immediately say, "Dammit...I must give them my money!!!" I'm in marketing. That shit don't work on me.
  10. That'll be $2.50: Seeing all the other problems I have with the service, I'm outraged at the price. $2.50 from Quincy into town. $1.25 for a single ride. And don't even get me started on the price of the commuter rail passes or how much it costs to park in an MBTA garage. Dear Administrators, if you're going to charge me so much for a pass, then please, don't throw me off the train in the dead of winter with a fresh Nor'easter blowing around me, telling me the train is going "Express."

Well, Hunter will be here in half an hour. Guess I better go hit the pulse points with some perfume...drive him wild. (Hopefully!) And we won't be taking the T anywhere tonight.

Hang loose and check in tomorrow for eye candy...
Double Vee

7 Comments:

Anonymous Erin (a.k.a. Susan, but that's another story) said...

Dear God: Please, please, please let the MBTA Powers That Are read this post. Then please hit them with a bolt of lightning, thereby causing them to act on it. What Vanessa says is ALL true; common sense is gone...and we're left with The Voice (that some on the T think really is you) telling us not to forget our belongings. Oh, and while you're at it, please make some of the companies put up the posters in Vanessa's next post. That would make lots of people happy. Thank you, amen, and hallelujah.

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! Get out of my head! This is soooooooooooooooo accurate.

1:38 PM  
Anonymous j said...

i understand the take your personal belongings only because people leave their shit like the t's a rolling garbage can. this one guys always talks about "take your metro newspapers." image what a mess it is cleaning up every morning

5:25 PM  
Anonymous emily said...

People who stop in the middle of a walkway, especially during a crowded rush hour should be executed... >:(

8:33 AM  
Anonymous lisa stone hardt said...

Ah, VV. I was once one of those BU students riding the green line. Let me assure you, the spoiled rich ones aren't on the T at all. They have their own cars.

I also remember when the T was 85 cents. It was a bargain back then...but now? Sheesh!!!!

Speaking of T musicians...do they still have the really good accordion guy who plays in the blue line section of Government Center? He was AWESOME!!!

*sigh* You've made me miss Boston again...

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post about the T, V, but I'm a bit disturbed that you don't seem to be respecting your boyfriend's sexual boundaries. I thought you were up for the celibacy thing?

Are you, perchance, trying to seduce him?

3:57 PM  
Blogger Vanessa Virtue said...

Trust me, Lisa, these BU students were filthy rich...that's all they talked about. I know not all are like that, but these definitely were.

Glad I can get you missing Boston, though! Come visit...we'll do drinks.

= )

6:09 PM  

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