Monday, October 31, 2005

Because it's Halloween...

...thought I'd scare you a little with the stupidity of people.

From The Scoop, here's Kenny Chesney searching for an appropriate metaphor to describe his divorce from Renée Zellweger:

"It was like opening the door to our house and having someone come in and take your big-screen TV off the wall during the big game, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Which got me thinking...okay...for fun, what do you think his next song will be?

Where Did You Go (and What Time is Kick Off?)

Our Love Went from HDTV to Analog

I Can't Find The Remote -- or You

Just Like The Cable Bill, Our Love is Overdue



More from me later...hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Weekend eye candy...

Vanessa here...

Sorry about the silence of the internet waves. Promise to fill you in Monday on all that's been going on.

In the meantime, here's your weekend eye candy. Raoul Bova. Remember him? The hunk, Marcello, from Under the Tuscan Sun? He can serve me limoncello any day of the week and twice on Sunday.



Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Dialing it in...

Vanessa here...

I don't really have much to say or report from my lackluster day, so why not entertain yourself with a fun blog quiz. I haven't posted one of these for a while. Take a shot at it and see how you rate.

Tomorrow night, I won't be blogging until really late. I'm headed off to the Leafs/Bruins hockey game to see my pretend boyfriend, Darcy Tucker, in person. Don't worry...I'll get plenty of pictures!

Have fun with the quiz and hang loose,
Double Vee


Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker

Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm"
You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone...
Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-)

You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear.
Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing.
The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person.

Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life.
You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face.
Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life*

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Shiver me timbers...

Vanessa here...

In full bitch, moan and carp mode.

Boston is getting its ass kicked with a Nor'easter that's blowing through town. No, it's not a hurricane and no, it's not leaving four feet of snow, but it's nasssstay baby. So nasty that it gnarled traffic in every direction this morning from north to south to west and what little east there is. You'd think Bostonians would understand by now that some shit happens and the streets get wet and that they'd learn to drive on a wet street, but no...no. Non. The T can't move. The roads are parking lots. And people pull into the office an hour late.

For example:
  • Celine in research - her commute from Arlington took an hour and ten minutes
  • Harold in engineering - lives in Cohasset on the South Shore and his commute took two hours and ten minutes. Two hours???
  • Reagan in sales - her commute from Marblehead on the North shore took an hour and forty minutes
  • Vanessa in Cambridge - her commute took an hour and twenty minutes

This is not a big city! What is wrong with us? What happens to New Englanders where our brains fall our of our heads and we can't drive, walk, steer or park when there's precipitation on the asphalt or tracks.

Then I hear people at lunch saying, "Oh, you know this is residuals from Wilma."

Bullshit.

Hurricane Wilma hit Florida yesterday. Yesterday, people. A hurricane can not miraculously traverse up the east coast over night and park in Boston Harbor. Sure, the atmosphere is a bit fucked and the jet stream's off its ass combining all these storms, but get over it people, this is not Wilma. You have no idea what a hurricane or hurricane force winds are like. I know...I lived through a Cat 4 (Opal) when my father was stationed in the south. It's nothing like this.

But, according to my friend, Michelle who lives on the South Shore, all the major news organizations have their little vans with giant antennas parked on Wollastan Beach to capture the waves and this one boat that blew up on shore. They have the obligatory poor, pathetic reporter (garbed in weatherproof sports gear) standing out there saying brilliant things like, "it's really coming down out here" or "I've never seen waves like this!" Give 'em Emmys and Pulitzers immediately.

Here are the hard, cold facts:

  1. We live in New England.
  2. We get bad weather.
  3. Roads get wet.
  4. Winter is long.
  5. Bundle up and live with it or move to a red state.

'Nuff said. I'm bundling up with my sweats, a thick pair of socks, a glass of tawny port (this shit is amazing!!!) and an episode of My Name is Earl.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, October 24, 2005

Just another manic Monday...

Vanessa here...

Hope everyone had a great weekend. I know I did! And I look forward to this great week! My boss gave me the company's special club tickets to the hockey game here in town Thursday night featuring the Boston Bruins vs. the Toronto Maple Leafs. You know what that means, eh? I'll get to see my pretend boyfriend (yes, we're still dating), Darcy Tucker, in the flesh!



And something really, wicked cool...I made the BOSTON GLOBE blog log for the third time! Isn't that just the neatest thing? It was on my observations on The Messy Man on the Red Line. Thanks for the props, Boston Globe!

Not much to report today, time to go eat some of William's homemade spaghetti sauce and crack open a bottle of Pinot Noir. Must be from watching Sideways three times this weekend.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Weekend eye candy...

Vanessa here...

Hope you're having a great weekend.

I have no idea who this guys is, but let's just say, someone left the stud out in the rain...



Hang loose,
Double Vee

Friday, October 21, 2005

Girl's Night Out...

Vanessa here...

It's Friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiday, baby! And I thought I'd blog before I head out for the evening with Griz and William. We're going out to dinner and dancing. And yes, I'm sure there will be some alcohol involved.

I just love having great friends to go out with. Last night was Girl's Night Out here in Boston. This group called StyleFixx brings in all of these independent boutiques and vendors and such to the Cyclorama over on Tremont Street in the South End. There's all sorts of stuff: purses, belts, makeovers, earrings, lotions and other gal stuff.

So, Griz and I headed over to downtown from Cambridge after work and met up with our friend H. (She's shy and would rather I not blog about her.) H. has just broken free of a bad relationship she was in for a while and we felt she needed a girl's night out. We started at the Parish Cafe with a glass of Sterling Chardonnay and a plate of vegetarian potstickers. H. flirted with the bartender some, so it's nice to see she's putting herself out there. Griz knocked her wine glass over and broke it. Geesh, you can't take that girl anywhere!

Then, we walked down to Clarendon and allllllllllll the way down to Tremont. Quite a hike, but it was fun. We were chatting and cutting up and talking to these tourists who were walking behind us looking for a particular restaurant. Well, yours truly here wasn't looking where she was going an fell ass over tit in a gaping hole in the sidewalk -- gotta love those well-tended Boston sidewalks -- and I rolled ever so demurely into the street and under the front bumper of this parked car. My purse, miraculously, stayed shut, but the $20 in my pocket flew out. H. stomped it with her booted foot to keep it from going anywhere. The nice tourist man offered me a hand and helped me up. What a Grace! Fortunately, the only thing hurt was my pride and some stinging on my palms.

We get to Cyclorama, wine back up with our free drink coupons and hit the tables. Griz got an Aveda makeover and H. found a belt to match her purse. I bought some $5 earrings and then we we hit the food stand for this yummilicious spinach pie bites. We made the rounds again and hit the Cookie Lee jewelry table. Awesome stuff...let me tell you!

And I had a TV swoon moment! At this one table, this chick looked very familiar to me and I asked her if we knew each other. Then it hit me! She was Harmony from the Food TV Network's Next Food Network Star show. She was the blonde with the long pigtails. She was so amazingly sweet and I think she got tickled pink that I fawned over her like I did. Her mother makes jewelry in Vermont and they came down for that. Sooooo cool!

Then, Griz found the Passions table full of sensual oils, message gloves and...yes, dildos. Being the good friends that we are, Griz and I chipped in together and bought H. a while, pearl-encrusted "friend." Hey, it's been a long time for her and she needs this! (Come to think of it...no, not going there...) The lady at the table demoed it for us -- not like that!!! -- and made us hold it. Apparently, the rolls of strung pearls on the inside, well, they, errr...add to the pleasure. H. was blown away by the gesture, named it Pearl Bailey and said she'd test it out.

We used our last drink coupon (and no, we're not alcoholics, just out having fun) and then got a cab to Houston's at Faneuil Hall where we celebrated H.'s new-found freedom and being back on the market with a bottle of Gloria Ferrer champagne and the best goddamned French fries in Boston. (Mayo to dip in, of course.) In fact, our waiter, Derrick, was really taken with H. and they flirted, had a good time and are going out next weekend.

Needless to say, I felt like ass all day until I chomped down the greasy steak and cheese sandwich sandwich from the Greek place around the corner, but it was a great night with great friends having a lot of fun.

I highly encourage each of you to have a girl's night. Get your friends together. Have a wine tasting party or a jewelry party, or hell, invite the Passion ladies over.

Time to head out for the evening...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Thursday, October 20, 2005

A quick fly-by for fun...

Thought this was cute...

-----------------Forwarded Message-------------------

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) , prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

An industrialized world...

Vanessa here...

I'm a bad blogger today. Busy, busy day at work. Meetings, meetings, meetings. Never a dull moment and barely had time to pee today, much less try and come up with a creative blog. You people put too much stress on me! *giggle*

Important day at work today as we "practiced" our evacuation and resumption of business plan. Sure, a terrorist attack could occur, but goddammit, my company will keep on selling!

And, I went to have dinner with Mia (my old roommate who is noticeably preggers now) and her new hubby, Larkin. They live on this small bay in Quincy (south shore, south of the city) and we were supposed to have cocktails (orange juice for Mia) on the balcony before dinner, but there was this big-assed, friggin' ORANGE fuel tanker out in their harbor that was emanating a piercing sound that would give hives to dogs. Check this thing out:
















Is that the most God-awful ugly thing you've ever seen? It's from Singapore or something. And apparently, in their new digs, they get tankers like this all the time. I think their baby is going to glow or something. I mean, look at how tiny the tug is in the picture!

Ah well...as much as I love Mia, not a very exciting night. But tomorrow night, I'm headed out with my chicas to a StyleFixx evening of cocktails, appies, makeovers and lots of shopping! Should be fun.

What do you enjoy doing with your friends? I'm sure it's not staring at big, orange oil tankers.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

A brainless, meaningless Q & A...

Vanessa here...

My buddy Angie e-mailed this to me this morning and I notice some other bloggers have this on their site too. So, while I try to set trends not follow them (I'm so kidding!), I'll go ahead and answer...what the hell? Could be fun.

Consider yourself tagged and try it out on your blog...

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?

My teeth. I have this massive fear that I'm going to have something ungodly stuck in between my teeth -- like a side order of Guatemala or something -- that will both mortify and embarrass me for the rest of eternity. I don't keep this to just the teeth, but the whole general mouth area. I was in a sales meeting one time where our fearless leader had cream cheese on the corner of his mouth. I swear, for half an hour, most of us in the room sat there swiping out tongues over our lips as a hint. He probably thought we were all hitting on him. It's for this precise reason that I do not eat poppy seed bagels. 'Nuff said.

2. How much cash do you have on you?

A five and two ones. The five is left over change from my bean and rice burrito from lunch today and the two ones are so I'll have change for the Diet Coke machine here at work.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?

Best...which I try to be in my job. The Best. What can I say...I need a promotion. I need a raise. Girlfriend's got bills to pay!

4. Favorite plant?

I had a rosemary tree that someone gave me. It was the coolest thing ever. In the shape of a mini-Christmas tree. Smelled like heaven. I killed it in a week. (sigh)

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

The person who gave me the rosemary tree. Shhh...don't tell her I kilted it. :)

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?

Ciara's "One/Two Step," although I do alternate it with the "Uncle F*cker" song from South Park the movie when I need a laugh.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

My standard black. Long sleeves. Hello...it's fall in New England!

8. Do you "label" yourself?

I don't think I understand the question. As in "Stupid Vanessa!" or "Way to go, Grace." Well, sure. I'm oftentimes an "idiot," a "klutz" or a "total bonehead."

9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing?

Black Italian leather boots from Pegabo in Canada. Best damn shoe store on planet earth. Worth the drive to Montreal or Toronto just to stock up. And they last forever.

10. Bright or Dark Room?

For work? The brighter the better. For sleep? Jet, pitch black.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

Angie? She's a cool chick! Met her this summer. Made me laugh until I cried!

12. Do you know what an 8-track is?

I'm only 27, but I'm not stoooooopid!

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

On the phone with a buddy. Course, she scared the shit out of me because any time the phone rings after, say, ten o'clock, I always think it's someone calling to tell me one of my parents is in the hospital...or worse.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?

"Get wine." From my roommate William, wanting me to pick up something last night to go with the salmon he was grilling for us.

15. Do you ever click on Pop-ups or banners?

Gross...no. Pop-up blocker, baby!

16. What's a saying that you say a lot?

"Hellllo!" or "Hang loose."

17. Who told you they loved you last?

My mother. On the phone. Sunday afternoon.

18. Last furry thing you touched?

William's cheeks. He's in this back-to-nature phase and decided to grow a beard. Thing is, it's not really masculine or filled in. More furry than bristly. He said he'll shave this weekend.

19. How many hours a week do you work?

40 hour day supposebly...but if things don't get done, well, I have to stay late sometimes. It's what pays the bills.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?

I actually have two, and God knows how old they are! Mostly I'm a digital gal now. But I still love my manual zoom camera. Makes me feel in control of the picture.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

18 was pretty damn cool 'cause I was out of the house, on my own, in college, being an adult. Although, I admit, I'm looking forward to my 30's.

22. Your worst enemy?

I probably am, but then, aren't we all?

23. What is your current desk top picture?

Jason Taylor of the Miami Dolphins. (Although, don't tell my pretend boyfriend, Darcy Tucker of the Toronto Maple Leafs, or he might get jealous.)

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

"No thanks, I don't want a time share vacation to Orlando for me and the kids." (Telemarketer. Calling me at work! The nerve!!!)

Okay...that was fun and I didn't have to think up anything to rant about today. Hope you have fun with this, too, and thanks to Angie for the e-mail and getting this rolling.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, October 17, 2005

A little perspective, please...

Vanessa here...

You know, I'm as much of a pop-culture whore as the next person. I pepper my speech with hip, hot references. I watch all the hit TV shows. I can hold my own in a movie-quote-a-thon. I gather in the coffee at work and yack it up my colleagues, catching up on all the latest poop in the internet and events shaking the earth...literally.

But let's have some perspective here, people...

In India, a horrid earthquake reeked havoc and destruction. Tens of thousands of people are dead. Dead, people! They're talking a death toll of over 50,000! That's unfathomable! I mean, we Americans were devastated and horrified over the death of 2,500 of our fellow Americans on 9/11 and we all cried and opened our pocketbooks to the charitable efforts of Hurricane Katrina and her victims...but can we truly comprehend the loss of 50,000 lives?

Apparently not the people in my office...because all they care about and all they were talking about today was fricking, pregnant Katie Wanking Holmes.

Oh, well, excuse me for wanting to be a humanitarian and get some sort of company effort going to provide some relief for the poor souls left in Kashmir. But nooooooo....the little divas back in Research, filling up their designer coffee mugs with the free Starbuck's in the office, all they could talk about was Katie.

"Oh, what it must be like to be pregnant with Tom Cruise's baby."

"You know, she's so dedicated to being a mother that she stepped away from her latest movie."

"They make such a darling couple!"

It would be a disservice of me if I did not adequately attack each of these points:

1. First of all, I'm no expert and I've never (personally) slept with Tom Cruise so I can't be 100% sure, but I do read the tabloids and I have a couple of friends who work in Hollywood. There are two schools of thought that dear Tom is shooting blanks or he prefers his own kind. So, Precious Katie may be pregnant, but I'll give my right boob if Tom's the shooter. Their religion creeps me out to high heaven and I get a complete Stepford Wives sensation from the PR handling, the controlled interviews and the doe-eyed appearances. Katie may be pregnant, but I honestly don't think it's going to come out looking remotely like the Tomster. I mean...does this kiss look real or anything but staged?!



2. See aforementioned commentary on their religion. Katie has no thoughts of her own. She's manhandled and spun and prepped and protected. Try getting her (or Tom) to answer anything off the cuff with out a Scientologist nearby for correction or explanation. And really, is it such a loss for Planet Earth for Katie to pull out of movies? Does anyone even remember her in Batman Begins? Could there have been any less chemistry between two screen stars? Remember, one of the beefs the Tominator supposebly (Tribute to Joey Tribiani) had with Nicole was she wanted to be a bigger star than him. He wanted her home with their adopted (read...adopted!) kids, but Nicole couldn't play that. Seems that Katie's much more pliable.

3. Well, I'm just gagging over that one. I used to think Tom Cruise was awesome, but he's just gone off the cliff into the Valley of Freakdom. I hope they live happily ever after and have lots of little Scientologists to propagate their religion, but I, personally, will be keeping my consumer dollars in my back pocket instead of supporting their mega-blockbuster, soon-to-be-doomed movies.

To feel better about my world, I quickly wrote out a check to the United Way campaign going on at work (American Cancer Society) and encouraged others to do the same. I also sent some money to the International Red Cross to do something...anything to help the folks in India.

Isn't that a little more worthy than Katie-Tom worship?

Just my $2.50...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Weekend eye candy...

Vanessa here...

Here's some eye candy for you...so nice, that I'll put a few pictures.

Boris Kodjoe...mmm...mmm...mmm...

Perhaps he's contemplating being my next pretend boyfriend?


Enjoy!
Double Vee

Friday, October 14, 2005

I'm a sex pot...

Vanessa here...

Back from a dinner out with friends with a big ole plate of fish and chips and now I'm home with a glass of wine watching my pretend boyfriend, Darcy Tucker of the Toronto Maple Leafs playing hockey. (He's scored a goal and two assists so far tonight -- he's so in love with me.) I'm not much in a mood to gab or chatter tonight, so I thought I'd post a fun blog quiz, asking what kind of seducer I am. You all know after the failed Hunter experiment, I have many doubts about my skills as a seductress, but after this quiz, I'm happy to report that...

Your Seduction Style: Sex Pot

Tradionally known as a "siren", "rake", or "femme fatale." You exude sensuality. And while your sexiness is part of what makes you an incredible seducer... Your ability to make others feel sexy is what really makes your seduction skills shine.

Most people don't feel attractive or desired enough - a need which you tap into. You have the ultimate sex appeal, and getting attention from you is a total self esteem boost. Your confidence is contagious, and you help others unleash their own sexuality.

Your sex pot seduction skills are so intoxicating that you can get away with... well, almost murder. Lovers feel like your sensuality is in your blood, so it's only natural if you flirt a little. And if you stray, that might be okay as well - as long as you make your lover still feel hot.


Have a great weekend and hang loose,
Double Vee

Quick reminder...

Just a quick reminder to the wonderful, loyal followers of The Adventures of Vanessa Virtue. All materials, ideas, stories, etc. on this blog are the sole property of the author and should not be duplicated, copied or otherwise used without the express permission of the author.

Thanks for your time and support of our quirky little Vanessa!

Best,
Marley = )

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Random ramblings and incoherent thoughts...

Vanessa here...

It's one of those days where >>gasp<< I honestly don't have anything to say. No crazy stories. No wildly imaginative quips. Nothing happened on the train today. No one was mean to me. No one dissed me. Nothing went haywire at work. And I made it home in one piece. (William picked me up and gave me a ride home.)

I'm making Cuban chicken, black beans and rice for dinner tonight and William bought this fab-u Pinot Noir from Buena Vista. (I'm turning into a wine snob.) We're going to sit back and watch Everyone Hates Chris and Will & Grace. Just a nice night at home...the two of us. Just a couple of girls hanging out.

I do have some cool things I'm doing at work, though. We're having this big sales meeting in January on the Wrong Coast and I get to go! I'll be doing shit work like handing out nametags, helping with the banquet food and stuff like that, but it's a trip. Maybe I'll meet someone. Maybe I'll do such a good job that they'll give me a raise. I'm also getting more duties on the tradeshows and events. I'm even thinking of taking an online class in event planning to get more experience. Learn by doing, right?

I need to tell you about the Messy Man on the train. It's this Mr. Business Man who's always a complete disaster. He gets on the train in a huff and craze and always has to push in to get a seat. He spreads out his paper and balances his coffee on his knee and he always manages to either 1) drop something, 2) spill something, or 3) fall asleep on the person next to him.

So this morning, he gets on with a 32 ounce cup of Dunkin Donut coffee. He's spreading his paper out, trying to take up as much room as possible (he's also one of those spread his legs as wide as possible men) and next thing you know, he knocks his hot coffee over, the liquid gushes out and down the leg of his pants. He's not so much bothered by the heat, apparently, as he is the fact that he's lost his caffeine jonesing. He cleans it up by....are you ready?!...bending down and LICKING THE COFFEE off his leg!!! I am not shitting you. Messy Man is licking his pants like a friggin' dog!

And you know what the funniest part is? I seemed to have been the only person bothered by this. Ah well...welcome to travel in Boston on the Red Line.

Sorry for the dull post today. Why not let me know what happened interesting in your day? Share and share all!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I've been tagged...

Vanessa here...

Well, I've been tagged my Miss Thing, Elizabeth, on her blog. Very interesting blog quiz:

So here goes:

1) Delve into your blog archive.
2) Find your 23rd Post (or closest to it).
3) Find the fifth sentence (or the closest to it).
4) Post the text of the sentence in your blog. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas.
5) Tag three people to do the same.

Here it is...from March 30th:

I've ridden the Tube in London, the Metro in Paris, the subways in Toronto and New York, the L in Chicago and the BART in San Francisco and nothing comes close to the pathetic excuse we have here in Boston known as the MBTA.

Hmmm...let me ponder. Pondering's done. I don't think there's necessarily any subtext or hidden agenda...plain and simple: Boston's MBTA sucks ass.

As exemplified today when we sat in the tunnel between stations for at least 6 minutes. (I know 'cause two songs played on my MP3 player.) Then, as I'm trying to get off the train in an orderly fashion, this skanky bitch in a yellow rain coat apparently couldn't wait and literally shoved me and this little old lady out of her way to the point where I was screaming "what is your problem?!?!"

So, yes...I stand by my 23rd post, 5th sentence post.

And now, I hereby tag Diana, Mel-o-drama and Nikki.

Have fun ladies and hang loose,
Double Vee

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Winter is around the corner...

Vanessa here...

Still reeling over the fact that Darcy Tucker proved his love for me last night by scoring not one, but two goals in the game. And tonight, although the game is only in the second period, Darcy has already scored a goal for me. He's so in love with me, it's amazing!

Here he is scoring...



Thanks for all your e-mails and comments about the "bb" entry. I've decided to try and just be natural with Jack and continue like we're simply colleagues. No use mucking up a good working relationship just 'cause he finds me irresistible. *snerk*

So, I have officially put the sandals into their nice shoe boxes and placed them in the top of the closet. The black tights and long sleeved shirts are out. I even wore a coat today. (A nice black, slick, cool one that I bought at Century 21 in NYC last weekend.) It's official. The warm weather is gone. Buh-bye to nice weather and welcome the cold, dark, gray of New England winter.

Which means I've got to find somewhere to go on vacation come Christmas time. I need a nice escape as I'm sure we're going to have a rock-hard, kick ass winter here.

Where should I go? Any suggestions? What are some memorable trips you've taken that might inspire me? Come on...share...I have nothing better to do until Darcy's finished playing tonight. (He's so in love with me. Oh, shut up...it's my fantasy, dammit!!)

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, October 10, 2005

I made a "black book"...

Vanessa here...

Back from my long weekend.

I'm still happy to report that I'm still dating Toronto Maple Leaf Darcy Tucker. Things are going swimmingly. He's playing a game tonight, so everyone wish him well. He told me he's so in love with me that he'll score a goal for me tonight.

Wouldn't you fear him if you were an opponent?



Just watch out...he gets upset when he doesn't get his way...



Here he is remembering all the kinky things we did this weekend...no wonder the Leafs haven't won a game!



Okay, okay...I'll worry about my boyfriend later, but let me tell you this.

So, I work with this great guy named Jack Daniels. He grew up in Norway (name is Johannes) and doesn't really get that his name is the same as the God of College Drunks. He's this beefy, burly, blond Scandanavian. Total babe, but not my type. Plus, we work together, so I've never really thought of him that way.

I had to borrow his Crackberry today to look up a client's phone number that my boss needed. Then, since I'd never really played around with a Crackberry, I started looking around and I found a contact entry under my name, much to my surprise and chagrin. I clicked on it and read all of my personal information (that I had no idea he had) and noticed an entry in the notes section:

Vanessa Virtue
"bb"

"bb?" What in the world does that mean? Then, I noticed the names of some other girls and checked them out too and some had "bb" and others "BB." Is this some weird, fucked-up Norwegian coding? I showed it to Griz and she looked through the names and figured it out. It's Jack's code for his little black book!

And I'm in there?

Then, I'm wondering what the little bb is and the big BB is? Griz and I poured over it while we chowed on soup and sandwiches at lunch. So, I'd made Jack's black book (digitally), but what did the cap/no cap mean?

I looked at a couple of the names in the company that were small case:

Aislin Honan (our boss)
Isabella Perry (Griz)
Nan-Marie Waters (in research...a total babe)
Elizabeth Curry (our receptionist)

Then, in caps were:

Reagan Vanbiesbrouck (one of our sales people...very pretty)
Alaina Wellwood (another babe in research)
Marissa Papodopulous (no longer works there)

After two hours of wondering, I couldn't help it. I had to know. When Jack got back from the gym (he always sneaks out of the office), I approached him and asked why there was a "bb" in his Crackberry. Having no shame -- he's a bit of a male slut -- he said yes, it was black book entries. The small case are women he hasn't slept with and the capped B's are ones he's popped.

Then the realization hit me: Jack wants to sleep with me?

Me?

Why?

We've never flirted. I've never hinted at an attraction. Yet I'm in his black book as...potential? (Wait until Darcy Tucker hears this!)

How do I act? What do I do?

Do I act differently? How can I ever look him in the eye again?

What would you do?

Need advice!
Double Vee

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Off for the weekend...

Vanessa here...

I'm going off for a long weekend with my boyfriend Darcy Tucker.



I've decided we're going to a bed and breakfast in upstate New York for a weekend of spoilage, comfort and loving. I intend to use him and then throw him away, but I'll enjoy him for now. After all, it's all in my mind.

While I get a mani and pedi, Darcy will take in 18 holes. He's really good. See...



Then, we'll go to the game this weekend where I can cheer him on and sit with the rest of the team wives, going to see him outside the locker room after the game.



Of course, our romance is all over the papers and he needs an entourage and body guards just to get to me...



But it's all worth it...

Okay...so I'm going to New York City with Griz for the weekend...but in my mind, I'll be sleeping with a married man. So sue me. It's the safest sex I know.

So while I'm gone, why don't you post your ultimate fantasy. Who would it be with? Where would you go? What would you do?

If you're good, maybe I'll post eye candy for you on Saturday...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

My new boyfriend...

Vanessa here...

I've decided that I'm tired of waiting around to meet Mr. Right or go to a bar and try to find someone. Instead, I'm just going to pick my own boyfriend and date him, whether he likes it or not. He can be anyone I want him to be. We'll go on dates in my mind. He won't betray me or hurt me. I'll keep it casual and just enjoy him on my terms.

This week, I'm dating Darcy Tucker of the Toronto Maple Leafs.



Okay, so he's married and has kids, but it doesn't matter. He's my imaginary boyfriend right now. And don't let his scruffiness fool you. This boy cleans up well.



He's a bad-ass on the ice and this one time I went to a Bruins game when they were playing the Leafs, he actually winked at me as he skated by. See...he likes me to.

Tonight, Darcy's playing against the Ottawa Senators, so we can't go out tonight, but we'll do dinner and a movie in my mind tomorrow night. He may be tough on the ice, but he's a real sweetheart. He does charity work and he loves kids.

Oh yeah, and he likes to beat the shit out people, but he's very tender and loving with me.



He was very upset when I turned him down for a date the first couple of times...



But now that we're dating, everything is great. I'm very happy with him and can't wait for the next time I can see him.

He's very acrobatic on the ice...imagine what he's like in the sack.



Oh, must go, the Leafs game is about to start and I need to go watch my boyfriend...make sure he doesn't flirt with any other girls.

I'll give Darcy a kiss for you...




Hang loose,
Double Vee

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

New TV Season...

Vanessa here...

It's October, so that means we're fully fledged into the new TV season. I've come to accept that reality TV is just part of life, so I need to quit fighting it and just go with the flow, as Griz is constantly telling me to do about everything.

But, I'm pleased to see the return of scripted shows and I'm finding myself with a little something to watch almost every night of the week:

Monday

Kitchen Confidential on FOX. Loosely based on the kitchen tell-all bestseller by renowned chef Tony Bourdain, this chronicles the challenges of Jack Bourdain as he climbs his way back up the culinary ladder after a bout with alcohol, drugs and a little too much of a sex addiction. There's a colorful cast, realistic restaurant situations and you just don't know if Jack can resist temptation.

Tuesday

My Name is Earl on NBC at 9:00 p.m. Starring Jason Lee and the guy who played the retarded banjo player in Cold Mountain, this is the funniest damn thing I've seen in years. Earl Hickey was a horrible person. His wife slept around on him (had a couple of other men's children) and Earl was a total thief. However, after seeing an interview with Carson Daly where he talked about karma, Earl decides to turn over a new leaf and writes a list of 258 (or so) items of things he's done wrong that must right. Which have included so far, finding a date for the gay guy he used to pick on in high school and fessing up to the friend of his who went to jail for something Earl did, only to discover that they guy found Jesus and this mother beat the crap out of Earl with a large print Bible. This is hilarious!!!

Wednesday

America's Next Top Model on UPN at 8:00 p.m. Cycle 5, baby! So far, I have to say, this crop of model wannabes is so much improved over last year's completely forgettable cast who could barely speak or read to save their lives, much less model or pose. This cycle, we have a girl with a self-proclaimed "pretty gene" (she's gone), a Texas big-haired beauty queen (Tyra cut all her hair off), a lesbian who looks like a Benetton ad and the girl with big-assed cantaloupe lips who's already grubbed out with her. There's also Lisa, Nik, Bre, Coryn (who was remade to look like Tyra) and Jayla who all look fantab in front of the camera. Makes you think Scott Westerfeld's UGLIES might one day come true! I dearly miss Janice Dickinson and her replacement Twiggy quips such sarcastic things as: "I don't like it..." and "Oh, you're so mean." Not the same, but still an entertaining way to spend a Wednesday night.

Thursday

Since ABC decided not to renew the very smart, hip and fun Jake in Progress and since NBC's Joey just ain't doing it for me, I'm turning in on the brilliantly written Everyone Hates Chris on UPN, based on Chris Rock's childhood. This show gives us something we haven't had on TV in years -- poor people struggling in America. It's warm and funny and understandable and laugh-out-loud funny. Especially with Rock's voice over and the natural cast.

Friday and Saturday nights are reserved for going out with friends, potential dates and movies, dinner and/or drinks.

Sunday

That brings me to the busiest night of the week: Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. is the new black. Anyone who's anyone puts their hit on at this time and find myself flipping around...

Desperate Housewives - I've been watching this show since the pilot and I think it's really lost it's oomph and quirkiness that made it so unique. Now, it's just a bunch of bitchy, predictable, backstabbing, unredeeming women and the men in their lives. The only interesting thing so far this season is: who does Alfre Woodard have locked in her basement?

So, I flip to the Family Guy, but it's not enough of Stewie and Brian and I want Peter to die in a pool of his own vomit. Pimp My Ride is in repeats, which leaves me waiting until 10:00 p.m.

Grey's Anatomy is a great show. Loves, loves, loves it! Been watching it since episode #1 last summer when it was a replacement. Smart, well-written, good drama mixed with realistic humor. It chronicles the days and nights of interns and attending physicians at Seattle's Grace Hospital. And, did I mention it has Patrick Dempsey? Need I say more? Watch it!

Which leaves me watching the fifth season of Curb Your Enthusiasm on OnDemand on Mondays...but it's well worth the wait.

So, that's me...Ebert to your Ropert. Do you agree with me? What are your favs so far this season? Let us hear!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, October 03, 2005

I'm not a Xerox Queen...

Vanessa here...

With a bitch, carp and moan, as per usual.

In my defense, it is Monday. We were out of coffee at work and the printer kept jamming on me while I was doing the morning marketing reports. The Napoleonic VP of Sales was in my face all day, asking for this, that or the other. I swear, he's out to ruin my life by keeping me from eating and taking regular breaks during the day.

But he wasn't the worst thing today. That would have been Mr. Mother-F*cking Bald Headed Sales Man, heretofore known as Mr. MFBHSM.

Have you ever run into the type of person who can't take no for an answer? Sure you have, they're called car salesmen and telemarketers. You say no and they shuffle the pages for "if no, go here" responses. Or, worse, they'll rephrase the same question to you another way to see if you'll bite.

Here's what happened with Mr. MFBHSM:

Mr. MFBHSM: Hey Vanessa, how can I get 27 copies of a 17 page PowerPoint presentation printed out in color?

VV: Just cue it up and hit "print."

Mr. MFBHSM: Won't that take a long time?

VV: It prints about 10 pages a minute.

Mr. MFBHSM: Do you have a print vendor you use?

VV: Yeah, for marketing projects.

Mr. MFBHSM: Could you send my print job out to them?

VV: I don't really do that for the sales desk.

Mr. MFBHSM: Well, who does?

VV: Why don't you ask Donovan? (sales manager)

Mr. MFBHSM: Maybe you could just print them up for me this one time.

VV: Or maybe you could just cue them up and let them print and it'll be done.

Mr. MFBHSM: Yeah, I really can't baby-sit a printer with all the leads in the pipeline I have.

VV: Well, I can't do it either. It's not really my job.

Mr. MFBHSM: Will the printer staple the copies together?

VV: No...it's a printer.

Mr. MFBHSM: So, is there someone who could staple it together for me?

VV: I don't know, you'll have to ask Donovan.

Mr. MFBHSM: Doesn't marketing staple a lot of stuff?

VV: Well, sure. We do a lot of things in marketing. But we do marketing things...not sales things.

Mr. MFBHSM: Maybe you could just show me how to do this. I need it for a meeting in the morning and the client's really specific about wanting it in color and having it stapled.

VV: We have three color printers. If you start now, it'll be done in an hour or so.

Mr. MFBHSM: I don't really know how to use the copier.

VV: You just put the papers in and hit the big green button.

He goes away and comes back in 5 minutes.

Mr. MFBHSM: I tried it and it's broken. Can you go fix it?

VV: You should let the office manager know.

Mr. MFBHSM: Can't you just see what's wrong? Maybe you can get this copied? (he says, handing me this all-important job)

VV: Well, there's another copier back in the Research section. You can use that one.

Mr. MFBHSM: Why can't you just help me out this one time? I'm in a bind.

VV: Because I'm already busy doing my job.

So, Mr. MFBHSM goes off to talk to our sales manager, Donovan, who goes and talks to my boss, Aislin, but Aislin's in a meeting, so he goes to the VP of Sales (Mr. Man) who comes over to me and says, "Vanessa, can you help out Mr. MFBHSM this one time? This is a very important client."

Hell's bells. Trapped like an animal in a...well, a trap.

And I can't get out of it. And Mr. MFBHSM is standing there, all smug with his five o'clock shadow on his face and his bald head shining in the fluorescent lights. Is that a smirk?! A smirk???

So, I don my crown and sash that reads "Xerox Queen" and I stand over the color printer for the rest of the afternoon. I collate and staple and then I have to make just as many black and white copies. Mr. Man had said, "while you're at it, make extra copies for the board."

Is this honestly the best use of my time? To stand there and breathe the fumes of the copier while I could be doing my job? I've been out of college for almost five years, for heaven's sake. I think I've graduated from shit work and copying other people's stuff. It's because I'm a "girl" isn't it? Oh, just let the girl do it. Let Vanessa do it...she's just a girl, you know. I mean, honestly, do you know one man who can actually properly operate a Xerox machine? (Oh, you know what was "wrong" with it when Mr. MFBHSM went to it? It was out of fecking paper! Idiot!!!) But no...let me stand there wasting my day and getting behind in my work 'cause I had to be the friggin' office Xerox Queen.

I'm seriously drowning my frustrations in William's homemade turkey stroganoff and an extra serving of Turkey Hill ice cream!

Grrrrr....am I just insane or has this happened to any of you?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Weekend Eye Candy...

Vanessa here with some weekend eye candy...

His name is Alex. He's a male model. He can Instant Message me any day of the week and twice on Sunday...



Hang loose,
Double Vee

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