Wednesday, November 30, 2005

My (pretend) date with a movie star...

Vanessa here...

Not much to report other than, I had a date tonight with my pretend boyfriend, Patrick Dempsey. He came to pick me up, even brought flowers and took me to the movies. We saw RENT and had dinner. It was quite lovely.

Here he is awaiting my response after he told me how gorgeous I looked tonight...



And here he is outside the restaurant, waiting for me by the taxi...



Here he is, being insistent that I give him a kiss goodnight...



And here he is all smug when I agreed to give him that kiss...



Hope your evening was as exciting.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The fall out continues...

Vanessa here...

Shit's still hitting the fan at the office after the Boink Heard Round the Company. There was this mass e-mail to everyone in the company that said Donovan Hughes was no longer with the company because he'd "decided to pursue other options." Man, can't they admit they fired his ass 'cause he bared it (and more) in the server room?

I was just happy to get out of the office for a few hours. Course, I had to go to the dentist, get my teeth cleaned and a cavity filled. So wait...getting my head drilled was better than hanging out in the new and unimproved office where people have sex in server rooms and the upper management starts retooling office etiquette because of it.

And let's not even get into how there's frickin Christmas music on the radio all the time and piped into the dentist's office. I had to hear Bing Crosby and David Bowie singing to me while the novocaine kicked in. No one should have to hear that.

So, that's it from here right now. Just gearing up for tomorrow's Top Model showing. In the meantime, if you want to get a laugh and recap of the show, check out: http://www.fourfour.typepad.com/

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, November 28, 2005

The shitteth hath hitteth the fan...eth...

Vanessa here...

Name that movie quote!!

Okay, well as you're thinking of that, let me tell you what happened at work today! Man, oh man, oh man! Sexual escapades...secret sex...getting caught... And no, no, no...it wasn't me. Sadly, VV is still looking for her next bout of trysting, but these were office folk and man have they upset the apple cart.

Reagan Vanbiesbrouck is our top sales person. It really chaps the asses of all the macho sales guys that our top seller is a chick. Reagan is something else. She runs the Boston Marathon every year, she's cute and thin and doesn't wear a stitch of makeup. You'd probably want to hate her if she weren't so nice. Well, we had this new sales guy who'd only been at the company about four months -- Donovan Hughes -- and they've been eyeing each other like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It was inevitable that these two gorgeous people were, at some point, going to be going at it.

But who knew they'd do it at work!

I shit you not.

We're sitting there this afternoon, doing our work, being the good worker bees that we're paid to be when all of a sudden, the network connection literally sputtered out and...died. Everyone in the company let out this collective groan (which makes you wonder how many of them were playing Pogo.com, checking stock quotes or e-mailing their friends.) So, our tech guys head into the supply room which leads to this small (freezing) closet) where the servers are housed. I hear ('cause I didn't see) that Kelvin, the IT tech, goes to the server room and the door is locked. Well, sure, it's usually locked.

So, he gets his master key, opens the door and what to his wandering eyes should appear but...two naked people going at it against the server cabinet, literally knocking it off line.

Reagan and Donovan were doing the white man's overbite, slammed against the computer equipment and in essence, pounding the internet off line.

They were horrified. Kelvin was horrified (if not a little entertained as he's had a crush on Donovan since he started work here) and went screaming from the room like a woman scalded. The HR Director quickly pulled both Reagan and Donovan into her office (all tattered and bunched up clothes) and you could hear the screaming. Oh. My. God.

Both were dismissed for the rest of the day...well, Donovan was fired on the spot because he said it was his idea and he instigated the...errr...extracurricular activity. Because of Reagan's sales figures, she was given a warning and sent home.

Man...sex in the office! Caught having sex in the office! How embarrassing is that? Could you imagine? I mean, I was embarrassed for them!

The executive committee of the company is meeting tomorrow to review the Employee Handbook and add some provisions to it regarding fraternization amongst employees. See, I told you...the shit hit the fan. Oh, and to top it all off, there was a training session for some pretty important clients going on and their computers were knocked off the system, too. It just was not good all around.

But it wasn't me. I'm a good girl at work. I behave and don't get into trouble like that. It'll be interesting to see how this fleshes (no pun intended) out from here. I'm sure it's to be scandalous!

I'll keep you posted.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

(And if you don't know the movie quote...it's from 10 Things I Hate About You.)

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Pre-holiday humor...

Vanessa here...

Not much going on here in my boring, pre-holiday life. Please note: The Adventures of Vanessa Virtue will be on a quick holiday hiatus (going to Antigua with my pretend boyfriend, Patrick Dempsey) as I head to Northern Virginia for the long week to see the parentage.

In the meantime, enjoy some holiday humor...







Hope you and yours have a Happy Turkey Day!!! See ya on Monday!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, November 21, 2005

My new pretend boyfriend...

Vanessa here...

With nothing better to do than to pick and choose my new boyfriend. I've thought about this long and hard and decided that I'm now going to be pretend dating Patrick Dempsey. (Insert "mmm...mmm...mmm..." here.)

You might know him as Dr. McDreamy (Derek Shepherd) on ABC's Grey's Anatomy...



But...he's had me since the first time I saw Can't Buy Me Love and saw the Donald Miller Dork via for popular Cindy Mancini.



See, my problem with the movie Sweet Home Alabama was why the hell would Reese Witherspoon ditch Patrick Dempsey at the altar to marry the yahoo from podunk? Just didn't make sense to me at all. I mean, was she crazy? Totally lost the movie to me. I'd a stayed with Patrick.



So, I'll be pretend-dating Patrick for a while now. I'm very excited to see where the relationship goes as he's a very talented, handsome man and I'm sure he'll fall head over heels for me.

Can I pick 'em or what?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Happy Birthdays are in order!

Vanessa here...

With a quick shout-out and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Pam Claughton who turns (whispering age) today!!!!



Go over to her blog and wish her a very happy b-day!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Weekend eye candy...

Vanessa here...

With two words: Taye Diggs.

Mmmm...mmm...he's not so much candy, per se (well, maybe in this picture), but just this adorable thing you want to fold up, put in your pocket and take home with you. We got to know him in How Stella Got Her Groove Back, saw him featured in Kevin Hill and now he's got Rent coming out. Let's not forget his guest-starring on Top Model! Taye's hot, hot, hot...



Hang loose,
Double Vee

Friday, November 18, 2005

All hail the new grape!...


Vanessa here...

Just a quick fly-by, as William and I are having a dinner party tonight to celebrate the release of the Beaujolais Nouveau. He's hard at work in the kitchen making Coq Au Vin. I'm making a French chocolate cake. Mmmm...will be a culinary masterpiece.

Go out and grab some George Duboeuf and enjoy the new grape...it's deeelish. We've got a whole case of it here. Sorry I can't have everyone over, but you know Mr. Paulsen would go postal. I hope he doesn't expect any.

Enjoy your Friday and tune in tomorrow for weekend eye candy...

Vive la France!
Double Vee

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Is he or isn't he?...

Vanessa here...

So, at work today, we got a little loopy towards the end of the day. William, my roomie, came by to pick me up and Jack, fellow marketing teammate, Griz and I got into this discussion about celebrities and who we do and don't think are gay. Now, let me tell you, I pride myself in a really sharp gay-dar, but every since I met William, I'm convinced that every cute guy is gay. Or maybe that's just because William's attracted to all of them.

But, have a look at our discussion and how the votes when and then decide for yourself...

Matthew McConaughey


Me: Gay
William: Gay
Jack: Not Gay
Griz: Not Gay

Ewan McGregor


Me: Definitely Not Gay
William: (Sadly) Not Gay
Jack: Gay
Griz: Not Gay

Antonio Banderas


Me: Questionable
William: Not Gay
Jack: Gay
Griz: Not Gay

Antonio Sabato, Jr.


Me: Not Gay
William: Not Gay
Jack: Gay
Griz: Not Gay

George Clooney


Me: Not Gay
William: Not Gay
Jack: Not Gay
Griz: Not Gay

Ricky Martin


Me: Way Gay
William: Beyond Gay
Jack: Are you kidding me?
Griz: Um...hello! Gay!

What's your vote?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Random thoughts on a Wednesday...

Vanessa here...

Some random thoughts on a Wednesday night while I'm reheating the leftover pasta:
  • I saw the most interesting homeless person today. He was standing on the street corner with a neck brace on, a Gatorade bottle with change in it and around his neck was a sign that read: "I'm homeless, sober and I have a broken neck. Ask me: I can prove it!" So, some unknowing tourist wearing a Clemson Tigers cap and carrying a $900 camera actually stopped the guy to hear his story. All I heard was "after the cab ran me over..."
  • There's a guy reselling flowers on Boylston Street. He gets them from the supermarket or something and then marks them up and sells them near the posh stores. I wonder how much profit he's making?
  • Interesting convo overheard when ordering my grilled tuna and Swiss on wheat. The guy in front of me ordered Buffalo chicken tips and the guy who served it asked if he'd like a side of toilet paper to go with it. Ewwww....
  • I heard that not only will Project Runway be returning on December 7th, but Bravo has renewed Being Bobby Brown for another season. Sweet!
  • Tonight is Top Model night. The girls are being whisked away to Jolly Old England. I think Kim's going to be the one to go tonight, but it could be anymore...
  • I shamelessly flirted with a guy on the T on the way home tonight. He was cute, well-dressed, clean shaven and unmarried. I plan on looking for him again tomorrow. Time that Double Vee got a little action.
  • Why is it that people who can't stop talking about themselves (from them, I get what I call Me-mails) are always termed as "insecure?" I don't buy it.
  • Going to the Colonnade tomorrow night for the celebration of the new grape - the release of the Beaujolais Nouveau!

Hang loose,

Double Vee

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Things to do on a rainy day...

Vanessa here...

It's cold and rainy here in Beantown today. All day, people traversed the streets with their umbrellas furled high, staving off the pesky rain pellets. Me, I just waited until quittin' time so I could come home and do my favorite things that I do on a rainy day...

Oooo...William just brought home ice cream, so I'm going to go indulge. Stay warm and dry!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, November 14, 2005

Pet peeves...

Vanessa here...

I'm at a loss over what to blog about today. I was all set to regale you with my chefdom and share the amazing, rustic grilled chicken, spinach, prosciutto and artichoke pasta in a creamy sauce that I was preparing for dinner. However, the digital camera pooped out on me. Guess one needs to buy batteries every now and then. So now what do I talk about?

Well, Diana brought up a pet peeve today, so I got to thinking about my pet peeves...
  1. People who correct me. The only people who are allowed to still correct me at my age are my mother, Vivian, and my father, Colonel Stanley Virtue. They created and birthed me and on some level, I will always be their baby. My boss, Aislin, has the right to correct me on work matters. However, no one else has the right to shush me, tell me to "calm down" or otherwise issue dictations, instructions or orders. This all goes back to my desperate desire that everyone in the world just mind their own business.
  2. People who take up more than one seat on the T. What is it with these businessmen who have to spread their legs so wide that it takes up two perfectly good seats? Or these hip-hop kids giving their school backpacks their own precious seat while pregnant and/or old women hang on and teeter. Or my favorite...the person who sits in the outside seat, thereby blocking off the inside seat from the possibility of anyone sitting there. It's called public transportation for a reason, people.
  3. People who end every sentence with "you know what I mean?" This is a tactic to get me to respond to everything you've said to me or to prove that I heard you. Don't do this? Because you know what? I may not know (or care) what the fuck you mean. I swear, once you notice someone doing this, it will drive you to drink.
  4. People who are impatient at the salad bar. I always panic when I'm at the salad bar for fear that I'm not going fast enough or speeding through the vegetables in the manner the pushy person behind me wants me to. Most of the time, I step back, let them go ahead of me and say, "please go ahead, I like to take my time." Really freaks them out. But honestly, how fast do you have to go picking through mushrooms, cucumbers, feta and eggs? Take a moment and enjoy the chopped veggies, people.
  5. People who don't proofread their e-mails. I have a very low tolerance for typos in general, but I hate when people at work can't take the time to proofread or check their spelling or format. Business correspondence is now electronic, so you need to put your best foot forward and be professional at all times. Take the time to make sure your e-mail doesn't read: "how many vcation daysdo i have let?"
  6. People who start trouble and then blame everyone else for it. There's this sales guy at work who starts dramas all the time, accusing people of all sorts of stupid, meaningless shit. Everyone gets freaked out, they have words, meetings have to be set up to settle the stupidity all for nothing and then this guy points the finger of blame at everyone but himself. It's so sixth grade of him. He's 42 years old, he should start acting it.
  7. People who say they're on diets but eat like pigs. Either be on a diet or don't be. Don't talk about it, just do it. Don't get a steak and cheese with extra mayonnaise and then cry to your friend and say, "why isn't my stomach flat?" Well, it's because you eat cow, cheese and fat every day. There's this chick Griz and I know who's flitted from Jenny Craig to Weight Watchers to South Beach to Atkins. All she does is talk about dieting, yet, she gets Wendy's Burger King and a variety of local delis and take out places. Either take care of yourself or don't.
  8. People who walk out in front of cars and dare them not to hit them. This may just be a Boston thing, but what is it with pedestrians who walk out in front of a two ton vehicle and eyeball the driver with that "I dare you" look in their eyes. If you're in a crosswalk, well, sure...but this crossing in the middle of the street or just wherever you please, well hell, you deserve to get hit by a car. Boston has this astronomical number of pedestrians hit by cars and it's no wonder. Here's a clue...the little white walky guy means you can cross. The orange hand up means, don't!
  9. People who let their dog poopie on the street. Ewww...clean it up! 'Nuff said!
  10. People who can't laugh at themselves. Laughter is the best medicine. Laughter is universal and powerful and such a wonderful thing. Everyone should calm down, loosen up, enjoy life more and just let out a good belly laugh every now and then. And especially laugh at yourself. It'll feel great. I do it on a regular basis.

There you have it. Nothing too outlandish and I took up a bunch of blogging space.

What are your pet peeves? Feel free to share!

I'm off to eat my pasta...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Weekend eye candy...

Vanessa here...

I got a posting for a new job...check it out:

Job Opportunity

A very important International Company with offices located in the Bahamas is looking for An Executive Assistant. The job description is the following:

- Needs to be available 16 hours a day
- Breakfast with the boss
- Lunch with the sales director
- Break at 4 with the finance director
- Must be a happy, friendly and reponsible, working with HR Director
- Must be willing to travel with the CEO

THE BOSS


THE SALES DIRECTOR


FINANCE DIRECTOR


HR DIRECTOR


CEO

Friday, November 11, 2005

Music soothes the savage beast...

Vanessa here...

For those of you in search of some kick ass music, check out the latest mix from electronica/house diva, DJ Adien. I've played this like five times already today! I sizzles, people!

Oh, and if you're looking for some other awesome house/trance/dance music online, check out my new favorite internet radio stations, Energy 92.7, the beat of the bay (San Francisco.)

Hang loose and groove all weekend long,
Double Vee

What crazy person drives this car?...

Vanessa here...

Just had to post a quickie here. Was out a little while ago downtown running some errands and I got stuck byehind this Ford Taurus station wagon. Damn my camera phone for not working, but I just had to share the bumper stickers on this car. Makes me wonder exactly about the person driving this car. Aside from the Dorchester resident stickers lined up on the back window, we had the following...

Out of my Way! Kid's Gotta Pee!

I Got Pricked by Mick
at Body X-tremes, Quincy


Your little princess is my little whore

(graphic of man and woman in the "69" position)

Enjoy life, eat out more often


What else can I say?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Back my popular demand...

Vanessa here...

Well, I’ve had e-mails galore from people wanting more of the adventures of stupid women, so I combed the area, queried my friends, watched co-workers and looked at myself and alas, I have more case studies for you.



Case Study #1: Infidelity and the City: So, at thirty-three, Yellow Corn is on her third husband. She’s an attractive and fun girl, kind of a Sienna Miller type if she actually ate and had some meat on her bones. Yellow Corn’s first hubby was her high school sweetheart, they were married a year and then got it annulled. Then, her second husband was a semi-pro baseball player who was on the road a lot and cheated on her. Now, she’s married to this really nice guy, Orange, who sells life insurance. He’s really tall and cute and they seem amazingly happy together – like she’s finally found her match. However...there’s their buddy Zucchini Blossom who she’s sleeping with on the side (Orange doesn’t know) and she says – get this...get ready for it – “it doesn’t count because Zucchini Blossom is gay and confused.” Well, no shit! Honey, if a man is sleeping with a woman, he’s not gay. So Yellow Corn is screwing around on Orange with a gay/bi-sexual guy. Is this just massively fucked or what?



Case Study #2: I Love You For Your Money: A story from the West Coast, Celery Root has been with Jicama for four years. About six months ago, they pooled their work savings together and bought this beautiful house near the ocean. They got loans to make the kitchen as state-of-the-art and had a special tech team to come in and wire the whole place and outfit it with stereo and television. It’s a mansion. See, Jicama works really, really high up at a record producer and makes ooo-goodles of money. Celery Root is happy as a receptionist here and there, nothing solid, because Jicama takes care of her. That was until...a week ago, Jicama comes home from a promotional event, sits Celery Root down on the couch and tells her, “I’m gay. I have been my whole life.” Sure, Celery Root is devastated, goes out and gets snockered with her friends, but you know what? She’s agreed to stay with Jicama. She likes her high on the hog lifestyle too much and doesn’t want to give it up. Instead, she’s willing to compromise her heart for The Almighty Dollar. Jicama told her he doesn’t want to sleep with her anymore and apparently Celery Root is okay with that ‘cause she thinks she can “change him back.” Like it’s a magic trick?! Wise up, Celery Root.



Case Study #3: Oh Baby: Chervil works back in research where she cranks out information for our software product. Really a fun girl and so full of life. However, she consciously made the choice many years ago that she didn’t want kids (health and all sorts of reasons) and she was lucky enough to find a guy, Bell Pepper, who totally agreed with her and had no problem with the no kids clause in their relationship. They got married, bought a great little condo overlooking the Charles River, they travel, they go out, they’ve got a great life. Until...Bell Pepper had a near-death experience. Well, he was on an airplane when the landing gear didn’t lock in place and they had an emergency landing that scared the shit out of him. He got back from the business trip and announced to Chervil that he wanted a baby, that “I can’t leave this earth without leaving something of me behind.” Well, Chervil had made it clear that kids weren’t an option for her. And Bell Pepper didn’t want to adopt either – he wanted his own little miniature Bell Pepper to continue on (like he’s so great that his DNA has to be preserved!) They argued, they got counseling, Chervil cried, they hashed, and they decided to stick to their original plan. That was until Bell Pepper (influenced by seeing something similar on “Desperate Housewives”) switched her birth control pills and purposely knocked her up. Chervil was apeshit! But what could she do? She’s miserable, she’s not healthy, she’s not even sure the baby will be healthy, but Bell Pepper is gloating because he got his way. She just shrugged and said, “oh well.” Oh well? I would have castrated the guy!



Case Study #4: Bad Guys Finish First: Well, this one is about me. I’m just as stupid as every other woman I know. We have this new software salesman at work who took over the Chicago territory when our sales chick who covered it left to have a baby. We’ll call him Papaya. He’s wicked cute, let me tell you what, and he dresses to the nines. Jet black hair, killer green eyes and a really nice butt. I admit, I’m a little obsessed with checking him out whenever I see him buzzing through the office. When he first started working here a few months ago, he’d come over, flash those perfect white teeth at me and charm me with that smile to help him with little projects, generate some leads for him or get him office supplies (which is NOT my job.) I was flirty, smiling back, crossing my legs towards him as we talked ‘cause that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? But Papaya turns out to be a dick. When I didn’t do something he asked, he got all moody and pissy at me. When I pass him in the hall, he looks the other way. When I see him in the kitchen getting a soda, he acts like I’m not there. But when he wants something from me, Papaya’s all oozing charm out of his ears. And I always do things for him. What is wrong with me? He’s a jerk! He’s not someone who would ever be attracted to me or I’d ever really want to date because his personality sucks, yet I still look around for him in the office and am disappointed when I find his chair empty. I need a lobotomy, honestly. Why is it the really good looking ones are always jerk offs? And why is it that we women are attracted to the bad boys? It makes no sense. Course, this is all only going on in my head, so nothing’s wrong with this, but obviously, I need to get over this Papaya crush and realize he’s nothing but a fruit smoothie.

So...phew!...there you go! Crazy, eh? We’re all insane. As Mugato said in Zoolander: “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”

Ah well, what can you do?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I feel ripped off!!!!

Vanessa here...

Fuming.

I am pissed off at Tyra Banks.

I mean, it was bad enough that last week's episode of America's Next Top Model was a retrospective in the middle of the season, but tonight's episode (and don't read further if you don't want a spoiler), she totally dicked around with these stupid, unmemorable girls, Nicole and Jayla, and told them they were packing their bags. Then, she whipped out this picture with a British flag on it (you called it, Elizabeth!) and said "you're all going to Great Britian!" She totally fucked over the audience and I felt gypped.

Bad move, Tyra.

We tune in each week to see the challenges, to laugh at crazy alcoholic bitch Lisa and to see someone get eliminated and you totally jerked the carpet out from under us.

I want my money back. I'm going to get my cable bill and calculate exactly how much I paid for the episode and demand my money back from Comcast, UPN or Ms. Banks herself.

Am I the only one who feels ripped off?

I mean, I watch these reality shows for action, tears, cat fights and, dammit, elimination, and I didn't get that.

I am pleased to say that my faves: Kim, Nik and Bre are still in the running.

Okay...I'll calm down, but still...bad form Tyra!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Wanna be mesmerized?

Vanessa here...

And I can't stop watching this...

http://www.brooklynbunny.com/

Enjoy!
Double Vee

Are you happy in your work?...

Vanessa here...

There's this woman in South Station every morning handing out those annoying, free Metro newspapers. Every morning, she's at her post with a smile on her face, cheering out to people...

"Freeeeee paper! Freeeeeee Metro! Good Morning!"

She'll mix it up a bit depending on special occasions of time of day. She'll sprinkle in a "Go Vote today!" or a "Happy Fourth of July!" But always with the freeeeeee paper, freeeeeee Metro, Good Morning! mantra going strong.

This woman loves her job. She's happy in her work.

And the thing is...most of the people the Metro hires to hand out their papers are people who live in shelters, are underemployed or people trying to get their lives back on track. While the paper annoys the shit out of me (mainly because it's left on seats and the floor of the train), it's a good thing for people who need the jobs.

So, this woman who could hate the world and her plot in life, stands there every morning, greeting people and handing out free newspapers like it's God's work. Well, bless her heart.

In contrast, I get to work and one of our software engineers (whom I know makes a boatload in salary per year), storms into the kitchen, a Ziggy-like cloud of doom and gloom following in his wake. He's surly and complains about everything from the heat in the office to the strength or weakness of the free coffee in the kitchen. He's always mopping his face with his hand and sighing like Satan himself is forcing his way out of his chest. He slams his office door, he pounds on his keyboard and he yells at the other engineers to get updates and approvals on changes to our software product.

In essence, he's a miserable bastard.

He is not happy in his work.

Maybe he should meet the Metro Lady. The woman who proudly wears her newspaper apron and politely hands the complimentary rag to weary commuters. Maybe he should be grateful for his high-digit salary...the one that allows him to buy $4 cups of coffee to keep his fat ass going through the day.

So, I vow to be happy in my work. I'm a marketing coordinator and a damn good one at that. I know how to generate leads for our sales people that turn into prospects that turn into sales that turn into new customers. I know how to proof and edit newsletter, collaterals and web content. I know how to plan an event and organize everything from audio visual needs to catering to seating charts and room rates. Sure, it's stressful, but it's not called a job for nothing. And it helps pay all those credit card bills and that student loan that's teetering on the edge of default.

Ask yourself...are you happy in your work?

I sure hope so!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Weekend eye candy...

Vanessa here...

Here's a little something for your weekend...I'd be stranded on an island with him any day...



Hang loose,
Double Vee

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Crappy-ass day...

Vanessa here...

As Whitney said to Bobby in episode three of "Being Bobby Brown" when they were in London...

"I'm not doing this with him...todaaaaaaaaaaaaaay."

I just don't feel like being funny or charming or snarky or bitchy or even advisory. I had a shit day at work. Doing and redoing things a thousand times just because people can't think ahead. So, in order to be the good blogger that I am, I offer you this blog quiz...

butterflyeyes
BUTTERFLY EYES

You have Butterfly
Eyes!
Positive Traits: Thoughtful,
Intelligent, Humble, Clever, Open
Minded
Negative Traits: Elitist,
Conceited, Apathetic, Cold, Sarcastic


Your eyes are the windows to your soul. What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Me? Conceited? Never. Not in this life. Apathetic...yeah, well...bite me. Sarcastic? Well, have you just started reading my blog?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Everyone is f*cking pazzo...

Vanessa here...

Pazzo! It's a perfect word. Learn it. Know it. Use it. It's Italian for "crazy." And that's what everyone wandering the streets of Boston this morning was...fucking pazzo!

So, I get off the train, walk up the stairs and out into the masses of lemmings going to work just like me. Every morning, there's this tall, homeless man with an Au Bon Pain coffee cup who stands on the corner "preaching," complete with dramatic hand motions and fiery facial expressions. You really have to avoid his five foot arms as you walk by. But this morning, I walk by and he says, "Good morning pretty sister." Okay...that was nice...I smiled. Then, he takes his finger to the side of his nose, holds it over one nostril and the blows -- hard -- and a stream of snot projects out onto the street behind me. Ewwwwwwwwww...

I keep walking, clutching my novel (reading Sideways by Rex Pickett) to me because I haven't had time to stash it back in my bag.

Then, I get to my building and am about to go in the front door when this black-haired man in a battered soft brown leather jacket appears from no where behind the pillar. I look at him. He looks at me. I side-step of of his way. And what does he do? Does he say "sorry" or "go ahead?" No...hell no...you know what he says to me?

Pazzo Man: "Put the fucking book away, you c*nt."

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

I'm not even kidding!

Never in my life have I ever been called that word. At least, not to my face.

Shocked and astounded, I turn, mouth fallen open and I scream out at him,

"Kiss my assssssssssssssssssssssssss!"

He mumbles something incoherently and then stumbles along.

But I'm mortified because right behind him is our Senior VP for Client Services. He said, "Vanessa, are you okay?" Well, I wasn't. I was shaking like a leaf. He said "What just happened?" So, I told him. It turns out, that Pazzo Man is a "regular" at our building. He forages through the ashtray seeking unsmoked cigarette butts. I'm told that he's even tried to take cigarettes away from people as they've been standing out in front of the building smoking. He's homeless. He's crazy. But man, he's dangerous.

Guess that'll teach me getting to work early, eh?

Only to me...this shit only happens to me...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Moving on...

Vanessa here...

Well, after weeks of pretend-dating Darcy Tucker of the Toronto Maple Leafs, I've decided to move along. It's just time for me to start pretend-dating someone else. After all, it's a new month, a new me.

I did get to see Darcy play last week here in Boston. Here are some pics of him, just for old time's sake. The Leafs didn't win, which told me that Darcy's love for me just wasn't real enough. So, while I'll cheer him on the rest of the year, it's time for me to move on.

Here he is looking up in the crowd for me...






















Here he is trying to play hard to get...






















Here he is with his game face on...






















And here he is, trying to impress me by slamming some Bruin into the boards...






















It was fun while it lasted. So, who should I pretend-date next? Any suggestions? The world of men is literally my oyster!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

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