Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Everyone is f*cking pazzo...

Vanessa here...

Pazzo! It's a perfect word. Learn it. Know it. Use it. It's Italian for "crazy." And that's what everyone wandering the streets of Boston this morning was...fucking pazzo!

So, I get off the train, walk up the stairs and out into the masses of lemmings going to work just like me. Every morning, there's this tall, homeless man with an Au Bon Pain coffee cup who stands on the corner "preaching," complete with dramatic hand motions and fiery facial expressions. You really have to avoid his five foot arms as you walk by. But this morning, I walk by and he says, "Good morning pretty sister." Okay...that was nice...I smiled. Then, he takes his finger to the side of his nose, holds it over one nostril and the blows -- hard -- and a stream of snot projects out onto the street behind me. Ewwwwwwwwww...

I keep walking, clutching my novel (reading Sideways by Rex Pickett) to me because I haven't had time to stash it back in my bag.

Then, I get to my building and am about to go in the front door when this black-haired man in a battered soft brown leather jacket appears from no where behind the pillar. I look at him. He looks at me. I side-step of of his way. And what does he do? Does he say "sorry" or "go ahead?" No...hell know what he says to me?

Pazzo Man: "Put the fucking book away, you c*nt."


I'm not even kidding!

Never in my life have I ever been called that word. At least, not to my face.

Shocked and astounded, I turn, mouth fallen open and I scream out at him,

"Kiss my assssssssssssssssssssssssss!"

He mumbles something incoherently and then stumbles along.

But I'm mortified because right behind him is our Senior VP for Client Services. He said, "Vanessa, are you okay?" Well, I wasn't. I was shaking like a leaf. He said "What just happened?" So, I told him. It turns out, that Pazzo Man is a "regular" at our building. He forages through the ashtray seeking unsmoked cigarette butts. I'm told that he's even tried to take cigarettes away from people as they've been standing out in front of the building smoking. He's homeless. He's crazy. But man, he's dangerous.

Guess that'll teach me getting to work early, eh?

Only to me...this shit only happens to me...

Hang loose,
Double Vee


Blogger Keith Foxe said...

Pazzo -- great word -- I'm going to start using it around North Beach in San Francisco, the west coast out-post for Italian-Americans. You can write a funny line sister. Keep up the good work.

7:42 PM  
Anonymous j said...

if that was anywhere downtown, i'd have to ask, "are you really surprised?" Just glad the projectile snot missed you.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Mel Francis said...

I'll start using Pazzo down here in Mississippi, but everyone'll just think I'm saying Pizza funny and then accuse me of not "bein' from 'round these parts".

Bastard should be bound and quartered.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

OK, that was freaky.
Glad I'm a country girl.
Just have to worry about birds shittin on me, not super snot. Ungh!

10:25 PM  

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