Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Don't you just love the Internet?...

Vanessa here...

Thought I'd entertain you today by sending you off to other people's websites. It's amazing what's on the World Wide Web. Anything you can imagine, you can find. Things you don't even necessarily want to know or need to know.

I mean...who knew there was a website to go to in order to get pointers about being a clown?

And then, there's the guy who made a website about the things he and his girlfriend argue about. What...it could help protect you in your own relationship.

Here's a good one where the Bitter Waitress outs shitty tippers.

A kick-ass radio station from San Francisco. If you love Dance and House like I do, you'll be entertained for hours.

For all of you Project Runway addicts like me, you've got to check out the blogging of Laura K. on Blogging Project Runway and the hilarious recaps by Rich on FourFour. (He also did recaps of Being Bobby Brown and America's Next Top Model.)

Here's a cool new site with some great insights on a lot of subjects.

Fresh keeps me laughing daily with her informative Crunk and Disorderly. Check it out.

And for your Zen moment, there's always checking in with Roebling, the Brooklyn Bunny.

Is it any wonder I don't have time for a boyfriend?

What are you favorite websites...please share!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, January 30, 2006

Am I the only one confused?...

Vanessa here...

As I was nursing my flu over the weekend, I watched a hell of a lot of television. And you know what? I learned something this weekend that I had no idea about.

You know those Geico ads? You know what I'm talking about. The belligerent cavemen who get dissed that are just hilarious. And of course, everyone knows the gecko. He's famous! He's their spokesamphibian.

Here is he...

But, did you know he's...Cockney?

No shit! I'm listening to this Geico ad and he's like talking to a lizard or something, trying to recruit him into the firm or something and he's talking in this British accent...not just British, but Cockney. He's talking about offering people pie and chips. It's just the strangest thing I've ever seen.

Not that I have anything against the Brits or those Brits with a Cockney accent, but if you were asked to give a voice to the gecko, is that what you would have picked?

I'd like to have been in that pitch/brainstorm meeting at the ad agency.

So, am I the only one disturbed by this? Speak up!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Weekend eye candy...

Vanessa here...

Here's a double-dose of eye candy this weekend...Tyson Beckford (who'll appear as a guest on Queer Eye Tuesday night) and Tyrese Gibson (whose movie Annapolis opens this weekend) are often confused by each other. Is there any doubt?

It all makes for nice eye candy...right?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Friday, January 27, 2006

I'm loosing faith in my fellow man...

Vanessa here...

Another boring Friday night...primarily 'cause I still have the flu-ick. I'm hopped up on Tylenol Cold & Flu with a chaser of Nyquil.

But that's not what I want to talk about tonight.

I don't get people. I mean...I don't GET people.

So, I'm standing there today outside of the T and this guy comes up to me and asks me where a particular street is. I tell him, pointing just to make sure he's understanding what I'm telling him. He says "thanks a lot" and keeps walking. I'm walking behind him and I hear him stop the next guy passing and he asks him the same question! What?! My answer wasn't good enough? Well, the guy told him the same thing I told him (imagine that!) And I literally wanted to go up to him and ask him what his fucking problem was. What? Were my answers not good enough? Did he think I was leading him astray? Why did he need the backup opinion?


Then, at lunch, I was at the Galleria and this woman who seemed to be a tourist or visitor from out of town asked me how she could get back to the Red Line T. So, being the kind-hearted soul that I am, I told her. Then, as I'm walking back to the office, I see her asking yet another person for directions. Have I lost all credibility or something? I mean, it's not like I don't live here and know my way around. Why ask me if you're not going to believe what I'm telling you? Unbelievable!

And finally...as I get on the T tonight after work and come out at Porter Square, there's this homeless guy with a cup, shaking it at people and asking for spare change. I notice, as I walk by, that there are a ton of pennies on the ground and I'm thinking, "why doesn't he pick them up?" Well, come to find out as this chick puts some change in his cup, that he's picking through the money and throwing the pennies on the ground! Like he's offended by them!

I ask you...what is wrong with people?!?!

Why do I bother trying? I just don't get it.

So, I came in, locked the door, put in the DVD of Tales of the City, grabbed the comforter and made a nest on the couch. And here I shall stay until it's time to go to work on Monday.

Have a great weekend and be sure to tune in for weekend eye candy!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Karma's a beatch...

Vanessa here...

Still in my Nyquil haze, but not so much that I can't comment on last night's Project Runway. I have one thing to say...


I'm a huge believer in karma. I never, ever hurt people purposely or do things underhanded (although I've been accused of it by stupid people) and I truly believe that you have to practice good so it will come back on you. I mean, hello...this is why I love My Name is Earl so much. It's all about the karma. Apparently, Zulema does not adhere to this policy in life.

When the show started, Heidi offered last week's winner, Zulema, the choice of keeping her model, Rachel, or choosing from all the other models. Zuleme chose to have a three-model walk-off (It's a walk-off!) She took Nick's model, Tarah, the woman he called "his muse." What. A. Bitch.

Now, I realize it's a competition -- I mean, ever reality TV show tells us that over and over and over again -- but that was just wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. And then, she turns to Nick and says "I'm sorry, Nick," like it's a big joke. Well, let me tell you what...my heart just broke for Nick.

And, it sucked the life out of him. He told Daniel V. that he was "over it" and didn't want to play anymore. He wanted to leave. Noooooooooooooo!!! Nick, you can't leave us with just weird-ass Santino and Chloe-of-the-one-colored-designs.

Here is some behind-the-scenes reaction from Nick on what Zulema did. He said, "If you're not kind, you're not going to get kindness back."

No, Nick...it wasn't about kindness, darling. It was about KARMA! Zulema completely fucked with her own karma doing that and it kicked her in the ass immediately!

And look at this god-awful creation she made...

(Poor Tarah!)

It was supposed to be African inspired, but there's nothing wonderfully African about this. It looks thrown together, unfinished and it doesn't even fit her.

While Daniel V.'s creation was amazing, I think that Andrae should have won with his dress that was the inspiration of a puddle of water with rocks in it...check it out for yourself:

Isn't it gorgeous?

We mustn't forget Santino. How this man is still on this show, I do not understand! He says he watched last year's show...well, if he had, he would have known that he used the exact same fabric Austin Scarlett used last year for his Grammy dress. (And I was so thankful that Jay was there as a judge to point that out!)

Look at what Santino did...

What kind of drugs is he on where he thinks this actually is attractive? Would you wear this? Ewww...no!

Now, look at what Austin did last year...

At least Austin's was wearable and glamorous.

I love this show! So very much! What is better than Jay McCarroll as a judge, telling the contestants, "Oh, honey, that's a lot of talk...I've been there."

So boring Chloe is still in. Kara eeked by with her simplistic dress. Santino got to stay in simply because he's a cartoon character. Daniel and Andrae are in because they're talented. And Nick survived along with his new model, Rachel, to go on and design something amazing another day. Note to Nick though: no more fish-tale skirts, babe!

And in my best Heidi impression...that means Zulema, you are out.

This is what it looks like when karma bites you in the ass, people...

And here's Nick, savoring the moment...knowing karma took care of business for him.

Are you as hooked as I am? What did you think of last night's show? Weigh in!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Someone buy me stock in Nyquil...

Vanessa here...

You'll have to forgive my absence of late. Home girl got the flu and I feel like death on a cracker. My head is huge, I'm congested, coughing and generally feeling icky overall.

I blame all of those booginkers on the MBTA who cough without covering their mouths, or worse, half-heartedly cover their mouths, hack up a lung and the touch the pole or seat. It's a germ-fest, oozing at the seams with nastiness.

I wash my hands a lot and I try not to touch anything, but the germs love me, what can I say?

So, I'm dining on Lipton noodle soup, saltines and ginger ale. What is it about these things that make me feel better or that I'm at least medicating myself?

I'm hanging in to see Project Runway and then it's off to Na-Na Land again...the land where Nyquil took me off to...

What do you do to feel better when you have the flu or or cold? I'm open for suggestions!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, January 23, 2006

"My Life" meme...

Vanessa here...

Griz tagged me with this e-mail at work, so I thought I'd post here. If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged and have fun with it. You're supposed to answer with one word or a short phrase.


My name: Vanessa Virtue
My childhood ambition: Doctor
My fondest memory: Fake santa tracks in the fireplace on Christmas
My soundtrack: Anything House, Techno or Electronica
My retreat: The bathtub
My wildest dream: Make out for hours with Mark McGrath
My proudest moment: Graduating from college with honors
My biggest challenge: Commuting
My morning ritual: Lather, rinse, repeat
My alarm clock: My roommate, William
My perfect day: Spent lying on Miami Beach with a Cuban sandwich
My ideal date: Home cooked romantic dinner
My first job: Budget Carpet Cleaners (phone sales)
My indulgence: Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie dough...raw
My last purchase: Tuxedo skirt from Club Monaco
My favorite movie: French Kiss
My inspiration: People who never give up

Now, your turn! Who's game for it?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Weekend eye candy...

Vanessa here...

Here's a little eye candy for you this January Saturday morning (which is remarkably mild and damn-near spring-like here in Beantown.) This is David Rich...apparently he does some naked fitness training -- meaning, he helps you look good naked. Well, he can get naked for me any day of the week and twice on Sundays!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Wednesday night recap...

Vanessa here...

I tell you, since this "no fraternization" clause at work, the place has become a little dull. People don't really talk to each other like they used to, the flirting has been curbed and the lunch breaks are now filled with people reading Time and The Boston Globe instead of chatting, gossiping or bitching about work.

So, instead of having people to hang out with after work (even Griz has gone into hibernation), I headed home, cracked open a bottle of wine (I know...I don't have to drink 8 glasses) and curled up on the couch with a sausage pizza to settle in and watch Wednesday night television.

First of all, I've been watching the replays of Flavor of Love. This show is frickin' hilarious! Flav-o-Flav (46 with 6 kids) is the king of his castle full of hos and wenches. These women are something else. He calls them things like "Sweetie," and "Pumkin" and "Serious" and "Hoops." There are some really pretty girls there, but there are some crazy ones. "New York" already fancies herself in love with Flav. "Serious" can talk about nothing but her modeling career -- going so far as to bring her portfolio with her on the date with Flav. But no worries, he's got an informant in the mix. Red Oyster likes to come to his rooms and tell him who's dissing him behind his back. Then, at the end of the show -- a la The Bachelor's rose ceremony -- he gives the girls who get to stay...clocks around their necks. It's hilarious. It's like a train wreck...I can't turn away.

But last night was the premiere of Skating with Celebrities and I have to say, I was impressed. There were some of my favorite skaters (Kurt Browning, especially) and the celebrities who skated actually did a good job. No one busted their tails or embarrassed themselves. But I do have to say to Bruce Jenner..."Dude, back away from the plastic surgeon's scalpel!" Oh man...is he freakishly weird looking. The best couple was Kristi Swanson and John Zimmerman (who was featured in an episode of Queer Eye -- he apparently forgot all the grooming tips Kyan gave him.) They were really good. Next week, the technical difficulty antes up and one couple will be eliminated. Oooo...the drama.

And then, the night was capped off with my favorite...Project Runway. Keeping in the skating theme, they had to design a costume for skater Sasha Cohen. And boy, these costumes! Santino decided to cover his in feathers and Emmet decided to make his for a hoochie mama. In the end, Zulema and her gigantic Elizabeth Taylor sunglasses won with her creamy white sequined outfit that looked pretty cool.

You have to see Zulema's sunglasses...

The thing that distracts me each week is just how amazingly preggars Heidi Klum is. She wears these skin-tight dresses that show her "bump" (as she calls it..."Baby Seal" as I call it) and it's like you can almost see the baby kicking. Yikes!

So, this is what it's come to. Me and TV. This is what sucking the social life out of work has done to me. But, I need this job. Those credit card bills and student loan won't pay themselves. Just the role of the city girl, I suppose.

Feel free to tell me about any great shows I'm missing and need to tune into. What are your favorite shows of the season?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Jesus walked me home Friday night...

Vanessa here...

Well, let me tell you, oh devoted readers of my adventures, after the week I had last week, I was due. Due for some busting loose. Due for some fun. Due for a rip-roaring time.

Griz and I went out after work on Friday for "a couple of drinks." Three glasses of wine at the first bar, then three at the next bar and another three at the third bar...well, you can guess what Vanessa Virtue was like:

Yep...that was me...sideways.

It started out just fine. A couple of glasses of wine. Then, Griz started flirting with these two guys who work downtown in the financial district. They were wicked cute and sort of knew it, but they chatted with us. They were headed to another bar, so we paid up and followed along with them. We got one of the last tables at the next place where we were joined by a married couple friends of one them and two more guys they work with. Griz and I couldn't have asked for more attention. And with attention comes the buying of more drinks. And I'm just a girl who can't say no.

One of their friends was amazingly handsome. Like, scary handsome. You know what I mean...like you're afraid to talk to him for fear that he'll look at you, mere mortal, and scoff at you. But he was totally sweet. We're talking he could be an Abercrombie and Fitch model. So, every woman in the place is looking at Mr. Mass of Muscles. They're watching him and trying to get his attention. It's like cats in heat. But Mr. M of M comes and sits next to me...

Mr. M of M: There seem to be more women than men here tonight.

VV: Seems that would work to your advantage.

Mr. M of M: They seem to be circling. I feel like I keep talking to the same ones. I don't know if they're interested.

VV: Can't you tell when a girl's interested?

Mr. M of M: Well, I've had girlfriends, obviously, but these women...I don't know.

VV: She was leaning into you, boobs forward, hips cocked towards you, listening to what you were saying, tossing her hair, batting her eyelashes. Those are all signs.

Mr. M of M: Really? Those are the signs?

VV: Signs that a woman is interested. She leans, she adjusts your way, she brushes against you, finds ways to touch you.

(Of course, as I'm explaining this, I demonstrate by doing all of these things.)

Mr. M of M: Really? I never knew that. So, you think they're really interested in me?

VV: Ummm...hello. Have you ever looked in a mirror?

Well, the cutest smile just danced across his face. I'm thinking he's going to ditch the Sarah Jessica Wannabe hanging by the bar and maybe stay with me, but instead, he pats me on the back, thanks me and returns to her. Griz told me she thought they left together. Great. Way to go VV. Prep him for someone else.

So, seeing how the good looking guy left the building, I decided to drink a little more.

I don't remember leaving. Griz got up to go pee at some point and I was just sitting there thinking how late it was and that I needed to catch the train back to Cambridge before it stopped running, so I gathered my things and picked my way out of the bar.

Out in the night air, I remember someone asking me if I needed a cab and I promptly laughed him off. Then, I weaved like a classic drunk three blocks to the T. Not only did I make it walking down the street (alone!) that late at night, but I actually managed to get my T pass through the slot and get on the train going in the right direction. And, if that weren't miracle enough, I changed from the green line to the red line AND get on it the right way. Unfreakingbelievable! I don't remember any of it. Any. Of. It.

I made so much noise coming in that Mr. Paulsen, my pain in the ass landlord, came down the stairs to see what was going on. Thank God, William was there and ran interference for me. He told me I wouldn't shut up talking and was laughing and prattling on. When I told him everything, he said, "Jesus must have seen you home. God tends to take care of drunks."

If that's the case, then praise be!

I almost feel like I'm too old to behave like that, but it was a good time.

Oh, and Griz called Saturday morning to 1) curse me out for leaving her, but, 2) be relieved that I wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere...not that there are any ditches in Boston, but then again, she's from South Carolina, so I allow her the analogy.

Have you ever done this? Gotten so stinking blotto'd polluted that you don't even remember getting home? Come on...share your great drunk stories!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Weekend eye candy...

Vanessa here...

Shhh...don't talk too loudly. I went out last night and got sideways, so I'm nursing one hell of a hang over. Instead, let's just look at something pretty. Thus, I give you Orlando Bloom...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Thursday, January 12, 2006

I'm spent...

Vanessa here...

Long, long, long day at the office. Too much work. Too many projects. No strength to blog. Can't be creative.

So, I pose a question to you: What do you look for in a guy? What's the main thing that wins you over?


Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Giving a whole new meaning to dumber than dirt...

Vanessa here...

I got this in e-mail today and I just can't stop myself from blogging about it today and sharing it with the rest of the blog world. This is just...unbelievable and sadly all very true. There are some stupid people in this world. And, because of them, lawyers will never be out of work.

I give you, the 2005 Stella Awards...

It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards." The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

5th Place (tie):

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie):

19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place (tie):

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place:

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place:

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place:

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place:

This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

I am without words...so,

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Lord have merci beaucoup...

Vanessa here...

I did something for the first time ever last night: I watched The Bachelor in Paris.

As much as a reality TV whore as I am, I have never succumbed to watching The Bachelor or any of its prodigy. But, for some reason last night, I was drawn to not change the channel when Jake in Progress went off. Perhaps it was my love of all things French and this insatiable desire to want to climb the Eiffel Tower or walk along the Seine with a baguette and sit in a sidewalk cafe and sip a smart coffee or sip a simple table wine. Ahhh...Paris. The city of lovers, right?

So, what better place to take an American TV reality show of beautiful people getting it on for the purpose of getting engaged for the viewing public than the sights and sounds of Parrrr-eee!

I have to say, I don't get the big hoopla. Forty minutes of the show was basically this Bachelor (Dr. Travis from Nashville) -- here he is pictured below with the show host Chris Something or Other -- saying "hey" and hugging all dem bitches.

Thus followed the parade of limousines dumping out five beauties at a time. The stimulating conversation that followed was by inane "great to meet you" and half-hearted hugs. Then Dr. Bachelor would (sometimes) watch the chick walk into the house as he said, "I'll join you in a bit."

Then he meandered around the room as this make-uped buffeted women sat around sipping champers and scowling at each other. Dr. Bachelor hit it off with this chick from Canada (who got his first rose), a fellow Nashvillian, a 23 year old from Kansas and a handful more of unmemorable blondes, brunettes and one auburn-haired one.

But the most intriguing, interesting and entertaining of all was Allie G from Delray Beach, Florida, 33 (same age as Dr. Bachelor) and a doctor as well.

She moved in for the kill to have her three minute chat with Dr. Bachelor where she laid her cards...or eggs, as it may be...on the table. She decided to tell him the reason she came on to the show. She said, and I quote:

I feel my eggs dying. I'm ready to reproduce.

As you can imagine, this wigged out Dr. Bachelor who just wants to date a little and have fun and maybe meet a nice girl. Of course, when he gave out his roses, Allie G didn't get one.

Like that wasn't enough, she marched back in and confronted him, yelling at him for not choosing him. How dare he! (Hey, remember all those stories of the fruit and vegetable women? You thought I was exaggerating, eh? No, they exist...and on network television, no doubt!) She screamed at him saying at "his age" he should want to settle down and have children. And, how dare he not choose her because she's a fellow doctor. Dude, the woman was mental. She had to be ushered away from him.

Well, I tell you...it was utter crap, but I think I just might tune in next week.


Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, January 09, 2006

Let's talk television...

Vanessa here...

Since winter has set in and I have like, zero social life, my thoughts and attention turn to television. And oh, what a line up I'm attached to...

Project Runway is back! It's just deliciously addictive. There's a whole new cast of creatures...err, I mean designers. There's Santino, the guy who's so sure he'll win every challenge that he pouts when he loses; Andrae who just cries for the hell of it; Nick, whose designs kick major ass, Chloe, whose extremely talented; and a crop of middle-of-the-road hangers on who have managed to survive this long. And, of course Heidi Klum, Tim Gunn and Michael Kors are all back and bitchier than ever. I just love this show!

Oh, and when Project Runway is over, BRAVO is doing Project Jay -- featuring last year's winner. And, they've got a sort of Project Runway for the kitchen called Top Chef. Can't wait for that!

My Name is Earl continues to entertain me with major hilarity. I don't know how they get away with everything they do on this show, but it rocks. And, now it's been moved to Must See TV night. Does NBC even call it that anymore? Well, for what it's worth, it's on Thursday night now. Highly recommend tuning in for this.

Tonight, I'm going to give Emily's Reasons Why Not a try. It looks like a chick lit novel (a single girl in publishing dating in the city.) And the return of last season's replacement Jake in Progress starring (yum!) John Stamos. Funny, funny show.

I also think I'm going to watch Skating With the Stars and I watched The Flavor of Love (Flav-o Flav's show.)

Oh...Emily's on, so I have to run...

What are your favorite TV shows right now? What are you looking forward to this spring?


Hang loose,
Double Vee

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Weekend eye candy...

Vanessa here...

Back by popular demand in 2006 is Weekend Eye Candy! Today's feature is the new Abercrombie and Fitch model, Matt Ratliff. One word, kids..."woof!"

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Caught in the act...

Vanessa here...

So here's a predicament that I bet has happened to every one of you working gals. This isn't my story, rather it's my friend Griz's, but I couldn't resist blogging about it.

It's a dreaded problem...going to the bathroom in public.

Griz is at work today and has to go (as she calls it) "big potty." Of course, we all hate having to do this at work, but sometimes, well...shit happens. (I kill me!) Griz, being the true Southern lady that she is, goes in to the ladies and picks the farthest stall. There, she begins to, ummm...do her business. Right as she's about to make music on the water, someone walks in. Not just someone, but the HR director. Now, it's not like the HR director doesn't have normal bodily functions as well, but Griz has a case of stage fright. She's all clenched up, can't perform and literally awaits the exit of the HR director.

After all, who wants other people to 1) hear you, 2) smell you, 3) know it's you, 4) know what you're capable of.

So you're stuck there. Just like Griz this morning.

When she thought the coast was clear, she returns to her task, but then someone else comes in and she's not as quick as the HR director. She decided to do her makeup while poor Griz is stuck.

As you can imagine, Griz finally finished her business after she was gone from her desk for about 15 minutes. All because she didn't want anyone to hear her poop.

Is this just a female thing? Do guys have this same phobia? Do you have this problem yourself?

Me...I just wait 'til I get home. LOL!!!

How's that for a topic today?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Food for thought...

Vanessa here with absolutely nothing to blog about...

So, I'm going to tell you about William's vacation. He went to San Francisco to meet this guy he's been chatting with online for about three months. Apparently it all went very well, they had a great time, rang the new year in together and are keen to be just friends. Honestly, sometimes I wish I were gay...it just seems so much easier.

But, what I'll blog about is this fabulous meal that William had at Cha Cha Cha's in the Haight-Ashbury area of San Francisco.

First, he ordered the house specialty...sangria...

Then, he had the plantains with black bean sauce...

Then came the pork quesadillas...

And the chicken paillards...

Capping off with the grilled salmon sandwich, roasted potatoes and chili sauce...

You're hungry, aren't you? I'm hungry. I'm booking the next flight on jetBlue to get my ass to Northern California, take a cab to Cha Cha Cha and order all this food!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Der Kommisar's in town...

Vanessa here...

And no, I'm not talking about the Falco song from the 80's. I'm talking about Big Brother. Someone's watching. End of the fun. The hammer has come down.

So, first day back at work after the holidays and it seems that while the employees were away, the HR rats were at play. On our desks today were brand new Employee Manuals complete with new rules for "associates." (I hate that they call us associates...like we choose to work there and associate with the company and it's software products.) Anyway, I'm not sure if a lot of this is kosher or within civil rights and stuff, but it doesn't matter 'cause we're all employees at will and if we want to work at The Compass and get our nice paychecks on a monthly basis, we have to play by the new rules.

Some new rules include...
  • No access or participating in message boards, online groups, chat or instant message software.
  • Employees overheard complaining about the company to other employess will receive a "warning." On the third warning, you will be dismissed.
  • Habitual tardiness, long lunch breaks or frequent cigarette breaks will be docked from vacation time/pay.
  • No fraternization amongst company employees including dating, over socialization or inappropriate interaction during company hours.

Well, we can thank all of this to the Bang Heard 'Round the World in the server room. They're really putting the hammer to all of us. I mean, come on. There goes my Christmas Crush on Jolly.

Oh, Jolly? Well, I found out today that over the break, he proposed to his girlfriend. So, even though HR disallowed me from even fantasizing about a co-worker, he made it clear-cut with his impending matrimony.

I guess I just go to work, do my job and boringly ignore all the cute, friendly people. Come on! People have always socialized and flirted in the work place. These managers are out of control. But I'll continue being the good worker bee. I have too many bills, credit card debt and loans to do otherwise. I'll be good.

But honestly...have you ever heard of anything like this before? I'm astounded.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Monday, January 02, 2006

A brand new year!

Vanessa here...

Back from my long visit to my parents and ready to face the new year with gusto and a new ferver. A new year. A new beginning. A chance to get everything right and start fresh. Don't you just love it?

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and rang the new year in right. Me, I was watching the ball drop with my parentals, sipping Andre (they're so classy, eh?) and eating popcorn. I vow that new year 2006 will include some partying, a cute guy and champagne that costs over $10.

Tomorrow it's back to work and back to the grind. I'll do my best to continue to keep you entertained with the craziness of my life.

In the meantime, as stolen from Diana P., here's a little new years meme...

Seven Things to Do Before I Die:
1. Parasail
2. Cook lobster thermador
3. Meet someone famous
4. Go to an Olympics
5. Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower
6. Learn a magic trick
7. Buy a house and decorate it, a la Trading Spaces

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Roll my tongue up
2. Whistle through my teeth
3. Cross my left leg over my right
4. Crochet
5. Smoke - meaning the inhaling part. Tried in college and couldn't do it
6. Tolerate watching American Idol singers
7. Pass by a pan handler

Seven Things that Attract Me to my Significant Other*:
1. His eyes.
2. His smile.
3. His legs.
4. His cute butt.
5. His ability to make me laugh.
6. He total dedication to and admiration of me
7. His fashion sense.

*Note, since I don't have a significant other, I'm stating what will attract me...

Seven Things I Say (or Write) Most Often:
1. Hang loose
2. Oh Shit!
3. You know what I mean?
4. You've got to be f*cking kidding me.
5. No Mom, I'm not moving back to Virginia.
6. VV
7. Give me a break!

Seven Books (or Series) I Love:
1. Bridget Jones books
2. Gone With the Wind
3. The Nora Roberts Key Books
4. The Vampire Chronicals by Anne Rice
5. The Mayfair Witches books by Anne Rice
6. The Little House on the Prairie books (when I was little)
7. The Lovely Bones

Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over:
1. French Kiss
2. The Night We Never Met
3. The Fast and the Furious
4. Moulin Rouge
5. Clueless
6. Gone With the Wind
7. It Happened One Night

Hang loose and Happy New Year!
Double Vee

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