The Adventures of Vanessa Virtue

A fond farewell...

2006-11-27T12:49:00.000-05:00

I want to thank all of the wonderful fans of THE ADVENTURES OF VANESSA VIRTUE who have continued to visit the blog, e-mail me and wonder when Vanessa will return. I appreciate your dedication and support of my little Vanessa.

It's with great sadness that I must bid a fond farewell to our little heroine for now. Work and writing takes up too much of the day for me to do proper credit to the Vanessa Virtue blog site. She's certainly had a great ride and I hope you'll enjoy reading the archives.

I am blogging in another location every Saturday at Books, Boys and Buzz...a group blog of fellow Young Adult authors. There, we talk about our books, the writing industry, movies, food, books we've read...and of course, boys. I certainly hope to see you there.

As Vanessa would say...

Hang loose,
Marley = )

I knew it all along...and another gripe...

2006-08-29T07:42:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Remember me? The world's greatest blog-slacker? I know. I suck. Get over it. I'll have to. The summer's been busy and life has been wearing me down, but I still have plenty to bitch and carp about.

Let's start with this: "Pretty in Pink" (one of my all-time faves!) has been released on DVD. And I knew, knew, knew it all along! The original ending was Andie ending up with Duckie. Hello! How could that not have been the true ending? She didn't belong with Blane in his world. The whole ending was a sham 'cause it went against everything she'd been building for over the course of the movie. And I was right! Original ending was she was with Duckie. Don't believe me, check out this Washington Post article.

Sure, Blane was cute, but Duckie was her soul mate!

It's funny, I always thought Andrew McCarthy's hair looked like shit in the last scene. Now I know it's because they called them back for a new shoot and he was wearing a wig (he'd shaved his head for a play he was doing.)

Ah well...it's in the past...but they could have at least put the alternate ending on the DVD.

So, my other gripe today is Fantasy Football Leagues. (There's no link 'cause if you Google it, it comes back with 44,900,000 possible hits. Yoink!)

Let me clarify this with the following: I freaking love football! You would have a hard time finding a female who knows as much about football as I do. (Watched it all the time with my dad growing up.) So, my problem isn't with football. It's with all these guys who live, eat and breathe their fantasy football picks.

Case in point, the sales people here at work. Every morning around the coffee maker, they gather to bust each others' chops about their "draft" choices, talking of discipline and workouts and two-a-days and speaking like they are the actual coach. Talk of T.O. and the Tuna. Nick and the Phins. Belacheck and 'da Pats. Is Favre done? Will Carson Palmer perform this year? What about Reggie Bush? Who got Vince Young? And "dude, I can't fucking believe you drafted DeShaun Foster!"

Does any of this really matter? I mean...it's make-believe. It's fantasy. Why dog each other for your picks? Why careen towards the canyon of fear over your draft positions, your starters for the first Sunday and or how you won't be able to hold your head up around the boys if your picks aren't good?

Are these guys compensating for their own inadequacies? Did they fail at football at some point in their lives and this is their control on a world gone mad? Is it a testosterone thing? I mean, you don't see women having Fantasty America's Next Top Model or anything. Maybe we should? We could pick on each other when their draftee model gets cut. We can belittle our friends' choices. And we can cheer and jeer at their failures. I mean, isn't that what the fantasy football is about?

Do you know that the American workforce wastes like 30% of their time on fantasy sports leagues? Thirty percent!! While I'm sitting here doing spreadsheets and entering leads and planning tradeshows and Xeroxing and collating and doing all the shit work that I do, the men in my office spend thirty percent of their time on their fantasy football as if it's one of the products they should be selling.

My answer? Just shut up and watch the damn games on Sunday.

There.

Don't you love it when I come back full force? I'll try to be a better blogger. Thanks to those of you who are still with me.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Madge and Me...

2006-07-12T07:36:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Madonna was in town over the weekend and she was seen by me!

Let me just say that I remember "growing up" to Madonna songs. Who hasn't grubbed out to I'm Crazy for You or Vogued or danced in from of the mirror to Like a Virgin. We've all done it. (William does it all the time...loves that Immaculate Collection.)

I've been working some late nights and doing some real shit/grunt work and my boss gave me Madonna tickets. Not just any Madonna tickets. These seats were about twenty feet from the side of the stage. A stage that takes up the whole of the arenas (see pic) it's in. (I heard it takes 24 semis to bring this stuff into a town.) We're talking $350 tickets! So, of course, I took William with me -- what with Madonna being a gay man's idol.

Old Madge may be on the uphill side of 50 (she's 48 to be exact), but that beatch can move like nobody's business. Man! I wish I had her body. Muscle and toned and so tiny. She looks great. And her voice is phenomenal. She didn't lip synch one word the whole show.

So, the show starts out with this gigamonic disco ball descending at the edge of the stage while the music is just heart-pounding throughout the place.

Everyone's on their feet going wild and next thing you know, the disco ball flips open and out pops Madge in her equestrian garb, complete with horsey ponytail on her top hat and a riding crop.

The dancers are all these buff, hot, muscular guys who not only dance like nobody's business, but they are pure physical specimens. They're tethered together like a team of horses and proceed to gallop and trot down the long stage.

This, of course, is followed by a couple of old songs and mostly her dance hits, always grinding to the beat with plenty of dance and action. She's never breathed as she's singing and dancing and getting down on stage. I mean, literally crawling on her hands and knees at many points.

Then, twenty feet in front of us, a stage hand comes on and installs this large pole and what looks to be a carousel horse seat (without the horse body) - if that makes any sense. Madonna comes over and does a slow-grinding performance on the pole to Like a Virgin as the moving stage is suspended about thirty feet into the air. She's very meticulous, slow and careful in her movements, always making sure her high-heeled booted foot is in place or she's griping the pole in the right location. Absolutely breathtaking. And she's smiling and singing and just reaching out, flirting and touching the audience the whole time. (William was fanning himself, let me tell you.)

Oh...that was a bad thing. Apparently Madge prefers that her venues be "warm." Since she's into yoga and exercise done in hot rooms, the A/C wasn't on in the TD Banknorth Garden and it was HOT! We're talking William dabbing himself and me with sweat pouring down my back. Madonna also says the warm air is better for a singer's voice. Man, it was uncomfortable. I had to shower when I got home!

Anyway...enough about my bodily functions and hygiene...back to the show. There were a lot of subtle and not so subtle political statements in the show. She had a little Kabbala friend who sang this song with her as a woman in traditional Muslim garb (well, it was green garb) danced inside a cage until Madge freed her. Then, after a costume change, Madonna is seen strapped to a mirrored cross, rising up from the stage in what appears to be a crucifixion.

Now, I had not been looking forward to this because I thought it was going to be sacrilegious (and it sort of was), but it really had a message to it. She sang I have a tale to tell...what's the name of that? Oh, is it Live to Tell. She did have on a crown of thorns, which I thought was bad, but as she sang, there were these images of homeless people and sick AIDS babies and starving children and it was quoting Matthew where Jesus said "I was naked and you clothed me, hungry and you fed me...if you'd done it to the least of my brethren, you've done it to me..." and at the end it had the URLs for all these charities and the Clinton Foundation. So, I appreciated the message.

She had several costume changes and these dancers, again, were ALL over the place. There was this monkey bar set thing and this one guy jumped from the top of it to this platform like twenty feet away. It was...breathtaking.

There was a disco tribute and a mixing of some classic songs with her current hits. She wore a white disco suit, a la Saturday Night Fever that was pretty much a onesy, because she ripped it off to show this leotard underneath.

The finale was Time Goes By and it was this spectacular with her in a white body suit with shimmery blue slashes over her naughty bits and she had a white cape that said "Dancing Queen" on the back and was covered in sparklies and lights on the inside. Gold balloons fell from the ceiling and everyone went nuts! And that was it. No encore and I'm told by the time William and I filed out and got to the T, Madonna was at Logan airport boarding her private plane back to NYC.

Phew!

Quite an experience. Glad we went...it rocked!!! Old Madge still has it!

Have any of you seen her ever? Wanna share your experience?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Which to choose...

2006-07-05T20:09:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

You can see how interesting my life is, eh? I have so many wonderful things to report. Well, let's see...it's gray, and raining, and foggy, and wet. Yeah...summer in Boston!

Instead of dwelling on the weather, maybe I'll get you to help me pick out my next boyfriend. Which one would you go for?

OR

Post your choices for me!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

You expect me to blog on a holiday weekend?

2006-07-02T11:03:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Off to muchas barbeques to drink too much and eat even more.

Here...this will keep you busy while I'm gone:

The Starbuck's Oracle.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Holy crap, it's a post from me!!!

2006-06-22T14:25:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Busier than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. (Ha! Got that one from Griz. Feel free to use it.)

Nothing to report here, but I thought I would provide you with hours upon hours of entertainment: just click here.

Let me know what you think!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Take off...to the Great White North!

2006-05-24T09:10:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Well, Griz and I are off on our fabulous weekend spree up to Toronto, Ontario, Canada! Can't wait. We've gotta go now before W seals off all the borders and no one is allowed to come or go. (Remind you of the old Soviet Union, or what, people?!)

So, I'll leave you with this one thought for those of you who might be traveling to Boston or who already live here and want to learn this tidbit:
When you ask for a "non-smoking" cab in Boston, it means the cabbie will crush out his smoke underneath his shoe before you get in the cab.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend everyone!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Virtue's Anatomy

2006-05-23T07:52:00.000-05:00

Well...look who's back online! C'est moi!

Won't bore you with the reasons why I haven't blogged because no one wants to hear them. What they want to hear is what I have to say now...right? = ) Let's hope so. Let's hope I'm not speaking into a vacuum.

So, on the topic of Virtue's Anatomy, let's start with the fact that it has taken me over a week to get over the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. {SPOILER} -- I mean, WTF...they killed off Denny? The one, kind, decent, wonderful man (character) on television? Blasphemers! Him getting a new heart and having Izzie happily fall in love with him was just a tease. A tease, I tell you. And after all of that, he died from a (yawn) blood clot. Hello...he was in CCU, was no one monitoring him? Had no one checked for anything like that? No, 'cause we wouldn't have had so much drama or me sitting on the couch frickin' CRYING for the last twenty minutes of the show.

Next on Virtue's Anatomy, thanks for all the e-mails asking about my foot. It does appear that after three months of brokedom, the poor little foot has healed. I still can't wear my cute little high-heeled sandals and am stuck more in the fashionless flipflops and eight year old sneakers, but I limp no more.

Also, is it just me or is everyone receiving inordinate amounts of SPAM involving Angelina Jolie's anatomy? Just the other day, my SPAM folder had 367 messages in it, most of which had one of the following subject lines:

Angelina Jolie Nude!
The Godess Andelina Jolie [sic]
See Angelina Jolie Nude!

And the e-mails aren't from some bogus crappy e-mail. They're from seemingly normal, friendly, unintrusive people like:

Tiffani Hollis
Beatrice Cornwall
Samantha Rankin
Shelby Huddleston

Do the spammers think if they use a normal name, then I'll open it up? "Oh, it's from Shelby Huddleston...she sounds familiar! If she wants me to see Angelina Jolie Nude, then I shall open it immediately!"

Give me a break.

I also don't want to see any of the following, nice, normal sender name or not:

Hot women cumming
Young teens on video
Female orgasims
Steamy hot adult cartoons
Jennifer Aniston nude

Honestly, people...what list do you cull me from? And why is all of the female porn mail sent by female sender names? Interesting topic. Discuss.

Well, that's it for this update from here. I'll try to be better about keeping you updated on the life and times of little old me. Griz and I are headed up to Toronto tomorrow on vacay and to attack as many shoe stores as we possibly can while the US dollar is slightly less than the Canadian one. Will be back next week with a vengence!

Until then...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Happy Easter, everyone!

2006-04-14T10:44:00.000-05:00

Have a great weekend with your families and friends. I'm headed to Virginia to see the parentals. And a little something for the road...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Come back to me!...

2006-04-06T07:37:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here!

Whoooohooooo...after a long absence, my friends. So sorry for the disappearing act. Life just got in the way of blogging. That and I'm still healing the injured paw. It's getting there. I'm in real shoes now, still hobbling as it is, after all, still Brokeback Mountain foot. But a couple of more weeks and I should be good as new. The doctor said it was healing nicely.

So, geez...I go away and what all happens?

Let's see...

Griz has a semi-boyfriend. William has a semi-boyfriend. And I have a semi-boyfriend. Okay, that last bit isn't true at all. While Griz and William have found love interests, I've been staying home every night, over-dosing on the Issac Mizrahi Show ("Come back to me!") If you've never seen it, it's hilarious, highly entertaining and he's just a hoot!

The other thing I've been doing is reading waaaaaaaay too much news. I'm wigged out by the "United 93" trailer, just like most people should be, I'm fascinated by Cy, the one-eyed kitten and I can't believe that Tom bought Katie an adult pacifier to help her through her labor. I'm still not convinced that 1) he's the one who impregnated her; or, 2) she's actually pregnant. And what's with Scientologists needing to have "silent" births? Are they whacked? You're squeezing a Thanksgiving turkey out of sink drain. OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Flavor of Love ended with Flav picking Hoopz over New York and Top Chef premiered and has got me utterly sucked in. Although, let them cook some real food instead of catering to little kids, Junior League moms and acting as street vendors. I want to see real searing, sauteing and chopping.

I honestly have nothing more interesting to share with you. I have been working my ass off, eating, breathing and sleeping my job. The HR people are really cracking down on staff interaction...I mean, they want us to work together well, but not too well, if you catch my drift. It really sucks, too, 'cause there are sooooooo many cute guys in my office. It's like eye candy overload.

We've got a Spring Affiliates Meeting (what a lame name) at the end of this month. It involves pie charts and alcohol, so you tell me.

Anyway, what's everyone been up to? You're still with me, right?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

The Celebration Continues...

2006-03-25T10:26:00.000-05:00

Since Vanessa's too busy with work to post, I thought I'd post some pics on my sale celebration.

After five long years of waiting, we finally cracked a bottle of Veuve Clicquot...the most amazingly good champagne!

And I got these gorgeous flowers...

...and balloon...

...from my wonderful friends in the New England RWA chapter. Thanks gals!!!

And thanks to everyone who has e-mailed and sent cards! It means the world to me! Have a great weekend!!

Marley = )

Weekend eye candy...

2006-03-18T16:48:00.000-05:00

Need I say more...a puffin...

We interrupt The Adventures of Vanessa Virtue...

2006-03-17T23:05:00.000-05:00

...to bring you some news from the publishing world.

I'm immensely pleased to announce that I got a FOUR BOOK deal on Thursday afternoon from Penguin Putnam's Puffin Books for a YA chick lit series on collegiant sorority girls. Well, Publishers Marketplace says it better...

******
CHILDREN'S: YOUNG ADULT
Debut author Marley Gibson's four untitled books in a series about a group of collegiate sorority sisters, to Angelle Pilkington and Karen Chaplin at Puffin, in a nice deal, by Deidre Knight at The Knight Agency (world.) Deidre.Knight@knightagency.net
******

Deidre blogged about it on her agency site and my dear, wonderful, sweet friend (and critique partner), Diana Peterfreund announced it before I could even walk in the door this evening. But that's fine! I'm overwhelmed and humbled by sooooo much support from everyone.

As for the deets: Deidre asked me to put together a proposal for Puffin, so in about 5 weeks, I put together the partial, the character sketches and the outlines for three books. The wonderful editors at Puffin (my editors!!) loved what I did and we got the offer of four books with options for more in the sorority girl series. It's only a partial right now and I'll be writing extra hard for the rest of the year, but I couldn't be happier. It's an aggressive writing schedule, but I'm psyched to do it and I hope people will like the books. Just so happy that after five years of writing and submitting, we've finally hit pay dirt!

Thanks to everyone who has e-mailed and I can't begin to explain what your support means to me.

Hugs,
Marley = )

When the lights go down in the city...

2006-03-14T21:36:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

And when the lights do down, it's time for me to go home. But noooooo....

Did I skip the pub crawl Friday night? Hell to the no. Not only did I go, but I had a grooving good time, hobbling along on my Brokeback Mountain foot. And, mama even got hooked up. His name was Collin and he was literally fresh off the boat from Ireland. Cute through my wine goggles. The accent just melted me. Apparently I was quite the flirt with him and I don't know whether he was just fascinated with my broken foot or my charming personality, but I gave him my number and hope he'll call me.

Sorry for my absence and thanks for sticking with me. I promise to be back in form after I heal completely.

In the meantime, I've been tagged by the lovely and talented Elizabeth Mahon...so here's her meme...

Four Score!

Four movies you would watch over and over:
French Kiss
Moulin Rouge
The Night We Never Met
It Happened One Night

Four places you have lived:
Boston, MA
Arlington, VA
Las Vegas, NV
Montgomery, AL

Four TV shows you love to watch:
Grey's Anatomy
America's Next Top Model
My Name is Earl
Project Runway

Four places you have been on vacation:
Cape Cod
New York City
Orlando
Montreal

Four websites you visit daily:
Brooklyn Bunny
Google
Yahoo
New York Times

Four of your favorite foods:
Turkey club sandwich
Clam chowder
Grilled corn
Salmon in any form or fashion

Four places you would rather be right now:
Antigua
Asleep
In bed with Mark McGrath
Paris

Four friends you are tagging that you think will respond:
Diana Peterfreund
Jennifer Echols
Shannon McKeldon
Mel Francis

Hang loose,
Double Vee

On to something more interesting...

2006-03-09T14:24:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

And no, I won't gross you out with further pictures of "My Left Foot," although, I have to say it looks a lot worse than it is. I managed to walk last night without a limp. Course, this morning, it hurt like blue-blazing hell...so...

Instead of talking about my foot, I'll talk about my...food! See, change one letter and you get a whole new blog topic.

I'd promised to share my jambalaya recipe with Pam and have been remiss to do so. (Been a little occupied with popping percocet.) But, I thought I'd share my Mardi Gras party recipes with you. Yeah, yeah...I know it's past Mardi Gras, but anytime is a great time to have some yummy food. Think of making this over the summer and serving it to a group of friends. It'll be tres impressive. (And Diana...yes, you can make this too!)

And the best thing about this recipe is it's a Weight Watchers recipe...so it's not so bad for you.

Here we go...

Jambalaya

1/2 pound skinless boneless chicken breast cut into chunks
1/2 pound large shrimp, peeled and deveined
2 teaspoons Cajun seasoning
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 onion, small, chopped
1 green bell pepper, seeded and diced
1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced
2 celery stalks, diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 cup long-grain white rice
4 cups low-sodium chicken broth (College Inn is the best)
1 can (14 1/2 ounces) diced tomatoes
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 pound turkey kielbasa (or chorizo) cut into 1/4 inch slices

Makes 6 servings
325 calories
8 grams of fat
7 WW Points

Get your mise en place together...that's the French term for having all of your ingredients, bowls and utensils necessary for a dish’s preparation in place and ready to start cooking. Here's mine...

Sprinkle the chicken and shrimp with the Cajan seasoning. Heat the oil in the large nonstick deep skillet (I'm using a paella pan) over medium-high heat. Add the chicken and shrimp and cook, stirring occasionally, until the chicken is browned and the shrimp is opaque in the center - about 4 minutes.

Transfer chicken and shrimp to a bowl.

Add the onion, bell peppers, celery and garlic to the skillet and cook over medium heat, stirring frequently until tender, about 8 minutes.

Stir in the rice, cook 1 minute. Add the broth, tomatoes and thyme. Bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer, covered, until the rice is tender - about 20 minutes.

Add the chicken, shrimp and kielbasa (or chorizo) and cook until heated through, about 3 miutes.

Serving size is about a cup and a half and it's waaaaaaay yummy!!!

Oh, and don't forget my King Cake! That took forever to make, but it was well worth the effort. And I found the hidden coin!

Next Mardi Gras, you'll have to come to my party! I promise not to break any more bones.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

My left foot...

2006-03-07T18:10:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Still hangin' on the couch. I've been working from home, which is cool because I don't miss out on any of the e-mail news and gossip, but I get to work without being interrupted.

Thanks for all the e-mails and concern over my left foot. And for all of you naysayers and disbelievers, well, all I have to say is take a look at my foot...Day Five:

Now do you believe me? As if the black, blue and yellow bruising isn't enough, I could seriously go for a pedicure. My poor foot. I even apologized to it in the shower today. William thought I was crazy in the bathroom talking to myself....no, just my foot. (Okay, that sounds worse.)

Griz and I are supposed to go on a Pub Crawl Friday night. I'm told there are going to be a lot of cute boys there. Don't know whether I should just suck it up and go and try to be cute and charming or if I should avoid it, for fear I'll break the other leg or something. I guess I'll go. Why not? Maybe someone adorable will offer me a ride home or something. That'd be nice.

Hobbling off to the kitchen to find something for dinner. We have left over spaghetti sauce, Egg Beaters, Super Pretzels, shoestring fries and left over Hurrican mix. What to make out of that?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Just for the fun of it...

2006-03-06T19:17:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Still nursing the broken foot and staying at home hopped up on some good narcotics. Prescription ones, thank you very much.

Not very many coherent thoughts today. More like Vanessa's Percoceted Potpourri...

Here's a funny quiz to make you laugh.

Then there's this video that almost made my cry! (It'd be funnier if it weren't true.)

And, stolen from Diana P's blog, a little meme which was fun to do...

9 lasts:
last cigarette: college
last beverage: Diet Coke
last kiss: it’s been so long, I don’t remember last movie seen: Gone With the Wind on TNT last phone call: printing vendor for a brochure we’re doing last cd played: Mariah Carey’s new one last bubble bath: a week ago last time you cried: Thursday, when I broke my foot

8 have you evers:
have you ever dated one of your best friends: no
have you ever skinny dipped: no
have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: Of course...beer goggles...
have you ever fallen in love: yes.
have you ever lost someone you loved: yes.
have you ever been depressed: hello, I’m female.
have you ever been drunk and thrown up: of course!

7 states you've been to:
1. Nevada
2. Virginia
3. Maryland
4. Massachusetts
5. Alabama
6. Texas
7. Vermont

6 things you've done today:
1. worked on marketing mass e-mail
2. ate an egg and cheese sammich from Au Bon Pain
3. had two Diet Cokes
4. showered, washed hair, brushed teeth
5. read up on Oscar news
6. rearranged the serenity garden on my desk

5 favorite things in no order:
1. surfing the net
2. trying out a new recipe
3. discovering a yummy (cheap) wine
4. flirting with a cute guy on the T
5. dimples on a guy

4 people you can tell [almost] anything to:
1. Griz
2. William
3. My sister, Victoria
4. My boss, Aislin

3 wishes:
1. meet a cute guy who likes me
2. go to San Francisco
3. pay off my student loan

2 things you want to do before you die:
1. go to Italy
2. meet someone famous

1 thing you regret:
1. That my parents are Republicans. = )

Let me know how you like the quiz, video and meme! Consider yourself tagged...or better yet, why not post your answers here in the comment section. It'll keep me entertained as I heal.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Physiology 101...

2006-03-03T10:45:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Thanks for all the posts, e-mails and concerns over my broken foot. Much appreciated! Wow...you like me!

For a little more explanation...here's a Physiology 101 on the bones of the foot. There are 26 bones in your foot and believe it or not, when you break a small one, it doesn't take months to heal, rather weeks, depending on how strong your bones are.

Now, here's an illustration. See the dark spot? That's the done I broke.

I reported yesterday that it was one of the metatarsals, but that was wrong. It was a phalanges. Yes...like Phoebe's alter ego, Regina Phalanges.

But you see how tiny it is. Who knew it could hurt like blue-blazing bullshit, though? My foot it purple and sooooo swollen. I'll never get a boyfriend looking like this.

So, I'm staying home, taking my Percocet and resting.

Thanks for the concerns...you guys are the best! Better than the horrible people on the T!

Hang loose and hobble,
Double Vee

The $hit-rain continues to fall...

2006-03-02T19:36:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Unbelievable, folks...just... Un. Be. Lievable.

Guess who broke her freaking foot today?

Yeah...Vanessa "Grace" Virtue...that's who!

It wasn't my fault, though. So, I had to go downtown this morning before work to pick up some proofs at the ad agency. I get to Arlington Street and the escalator doesn't work. (What? I'm lazy!) I'm in the line to go up the stairs and people are in this terrible hurry, so I bound right along.

Then, I get up to the top and am heading to the surface.

There's someone behind me.

I feel like I'm being chased. I speed up.

Mr. Cell Phone Bastard is behind me, so I hold on to the railing and twist to get out of his way. He f*cking knocks into me, causing me to go off balance and...fall UP the steps.

Like...OUCH!!!

And the son of a bitch never stops!

Immediately, I knew something was wrong. I tried to take a step. Nothing. Another one. Ouch! I hobble up the two remaining stairs and stand there, bent over chanting, "oh, my God....oh, my God..."

This nice, young Asian woman stops and says, "Are you okay?"

I say, "No, I'm not."

Then she walks away.

HELLO!!!

As I'm bent over trying to figure out what to do and how to walk this (are you ready for this?) panhandler comes over and asks me for change!

I said, "I'm just in a little bit of pain here..."

Tool.

GOD...I love this city! Only in Boston would get friggin' panhandled as you're doubled over in pain. At least he didn't call me a "c*nt-face" like I've been called before. (Insert heavy sigh.)

I sit on the wall of the Arlington Street Church and call William at work. Twenty minutes later, he arrives to get me and we head to the hospital. They wheel me in immediately and the doctor takes one look at the swelling and says, "Yeah, that's broken."

Broken.

My foot.

Now, I'm in this lovely, fashionable (not!) walking cast that William lovingly refers to as "the elephant foot" and I have an even prettier hospital regulation cane.

And wasn't I just saying the other day that Griz is the poster child for Shit Happens? Hmmm...maybe I need to rethink this.

Cards, candies, flowers and balloons can be sent to me at my Cambridge home.

Hang loose,
Double Vee...the gimp

Advice to Boston's panhandlers...

2006-03-01T19:44:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

So, after living in Boston for a while and getting used to the locals and the different clans of people, the student population that ebbs and flows and the specific pockets of the city, I have to say, there is one group that could use a lot of help in crafting their schtick: the panhandlers.

Now, I've lived in DC where there are some seriously sad, poor people and I've been to New York where you're hustled in certain parts of the city. However, I've never experienced the amateurish and down-right hostile panhandling I've witnessed here in Boston.

Here's my advice to Boston panhandlers (all based on actual interactions)...

When soliciting money from me, do not block my entrance into the T station, not moving and daring me to go around you.
Please don't sit in front of a church and shake a Starbucks cup at me and call me a "mother f*cking c*nt-faced bitch" and expect me to ante up to you.
Don't ask me for"any spare change, please..." and then, after I dig in my purse and drop in a handful of change you stand there and pick out the pennies and throw them on the ground with a disgusted look on your face.
I beg of you not to go from car to car on the T screaming at the top of your lungs, "Ladies and gentleman, I ask that you open up your hearts and open up your wallets today to assist me." Dude...it sounds like you're about to rob us!
I prefer that you don't say to me as I'm going into Wendy's, "Instead of going in there where you'll just get food that will make you fatter, give me some money." Oh, right...offend me. That's the way to get assistance.
Don't pick up a stack of the free newspapers and try to sell them to people for twenty-five cents. Tacky, tacky, tacky.
If I'm sitting there with my headphones on, eating my lunch and reading a book, please refrain from banging on my table to get my attention and ask me for money.
It probably doesn't help your 'cause to sit in the train station with a sign that reads, "I have nothing. Please help out." While sitting there shuffling through your iPod?!?!?!
Best not to spit in or near my general direction when requesting cash from me.
I don't need you to compliment my hair or my shoes to get money, only to call me vulgarities when I pass you by.

Now, you probably think I'm a royal bitch for not helping people less fortunate than me. Let me make it clear that I don't carry cash as a general rule. But, I also donate to charities very heavily. I gave to the tsunami fun, as well as the Katrina efforts and a whole slew of animal organizations, Red Cross and HIV foundations.

It's just that these Boston panhandlers are simply vile, rude and way too damn pushy. If you just clean up your acts and follow my advice, you might rack in a lot more funds.

At least this guy's not bullshitting you...

Hope this helps.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2006-02-25T17:23:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Dude, I can't get enough of the Olympics. I have been eating up the coverage like a chocolate sundae. And it's not just an American thing for me. Sure, I get happy when I see my country do well, but to me, the Olympics are about the athletes and not so much the country and the achievement from all the training and hours on perfecting your sport.

One of the greatest moments for me from the Olympics so far was seeing the Italian cross-country team win the team gold medal. Man, the crowd went ape-shit...and they should have.

So, my weekend eye candy is one of the Italian cross-country skiers...Pietro Piller Cottrer. How cute is he?

Hang loose and have a great weekend!
Double Vee

Incapacitated...

2006-02-24T12:27:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Crawling over to the computer to post something so you won't like totally abandon me forever and ever for not posting.

You see, William and I were out for groceries two nights ago and were hurrying home to see the ladies figure skating short program (he loves Sasha Cohen...he's sooooo gay!) and we weren't looking where we were going (okay I wasn't looking where I was going) and I slipped on a small patch of black ice and landed flat on my ass. Well, my assy-back area, actually. Man, it hurts!

So, I've been laid up on the couch for a couple of days alternating heat and ice (ain't fun to wear ice this time of year) and chowing down Flexiril for the pain.

I'm such a Grace. I'm constantly running into things or not making a wide enough curve as I go through a doorway. There's always a bruise on me and I'm just the biggest klutz. I mean, Lucy and Ethel have nothing on me in the way of prat falls. Maybe that's why Griz and I get along so well because she's an even bigger Grace. I mean, she is the poster child for "Shit Happens."

Mainly I feel stupid for falling. The older you get, the less you're going to bounce. I'm totally going to be one of those 85 year old ladies with the walker from having fallen and broken my hip. I'll have to wear one of those emergency alert thingies or have a clapper or something. I know it as sure as I'm sitting here. It. Will. Happen.

So, you know what I'll be doing this weekend. Just hanging on the couch, holding it down. I hope the Flexiril don't run out.

I need to feel better 'cause Griz and I are going down to New York City next weekend...whooohooo!! That should be fun!

Until then, hang loose,
Double Vee

It's a head scratcher...

2006-02-21T21:14:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Excuse my absence as of late. I took a long weekend down at the parentage in DC for the holiday weekend. As usual, they fed me too much and complained about how I live so far away and when will I be moving back home. Guess they never heard that thing about throwing the baby birds out of the nest?

Anyway...so, I'm on the T this morning, like every morning, and I'm scratching my head over the advertisements and messaging on the MBTA. I'm wondering the demographics of my fellow T riders. Over there is an add for brain tests as Harvard Medical school -- like, come in and let us pay you to probe your brain kind of thing. Brigham and Womens is searching for women 18-34 who have anxiety and hot flashes. Some other hospital is looking for participants in an IBS study.

Ewww....so, let me get this straigh...my fellow passengers must all be mentally challenged, menopausal with irritable bowel? Stop this crazy thing, I want off!

Then, the train driver comes on and starts telling people, "Please take all of your belongings when you leave the train...purse, briefcase, luggage, bags, newspapers, coffee cups..." Are people honestly that stupid that they have to be told to take their things with them? Wouldn't I love to see the lost and found of the MBTA!

I look around me and people seem...normal enough. They're just commuters like me. Schmucks just trying to get to work and earn a dime. But now I'm looking at them all differently wondering who has what deep-seeded medical or mental problem. You just never know...

So, if you're looking for some extra scratch, take a ride on the Red Line and see what all they're offering in terms of medical experimentation. There's something for everyone!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2006-02-19T10:22:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

So, I've been watching all these shows about Fashion Week. Wow...Fall collections look awesome. Maybe I'll get a raise and can afford something cute and designer.

Well, saw this guy in one of the shows. His name is Daniel S. Nice abs, eh?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

When bored tourists take pictures...

2006-02-16T19:55:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Instead of boring you with follies of my life, I thought I'd share these pictures with you that got e-mailed to me today. Don't you just love how creative people are?

Enjoy and hang loose,
Double Vee

Project Runway Night...

2006-02-15T18:45:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Are you ready? Are you ready for 10 p.m.? Come on, I know I've sucked a bunch of you into my world.

Quite frankly, I'm still in horrified shock that Nick was "out" last week. It's just wrong on so many levels. So, that leaves us with Chloe, Daniel, Kara and Santino (insert appropriate eye roll here) as the Final Four headed to Fashion Week.

You know how they do it, right? They send all four so people won't know who the real top three are. One is a decoy. So who is it? We know Daniel and Chloe are in...of course. So, it's either Kara or Santino.

A huge part of me hopes it's Santino only because he's such a cocky, royal pain in the ass. But Kara, as nice as she is, just doesn't do anything for me.

.:::::..:::::..:::::.SPOILER.:::::..:::::..:::::.

If you can't wait two weeks and want to see the work of the four designers, click here to get a slideshow of all the Project Runway. And this is much better than Getty Images 'cause there aren't all of those annoying water marks.

.:::::..:::::..:::::.END SPOILER.:::::..:::::..:::::.

So, who's in? Who's out?

I'm gonna say...

Kara.

Why? 'Cause Santino is a DRAMA QUEEN and he makes for good television. The longer he's on, the more drama there is and the more the audience gets out of it. Not me, I just want to stab his eyes out with a pair of pinking shears!!!!

What do you think?

Oh, and before I close out...Huge Congrats to Rufus the Colored Bull Terrier for winning the Westminster Dog Show.

Isn't he a cutie?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Valentine's for one...

2006-02-14T21:39:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

All alone on the night belonging to lovers. But you know what? I'm okay with it. I'm totally fine with it. I admit, it was hard to be one of the only girls at work who didn't have a vase full of long-stem roses on her desk. However, when I got home tonight, my parents had sent me a plant...so that counts, eh?

William went out to dinner with his new boyfriend and that left me here all by myself. Again...I'm fine with it. You know what I did? I took a long, hot shower and did a deep conditioner. Then, I gave myself a facial. Plucked, tweezed, exfoliated, debilitated and all those wonderful girly things. I soaked my feet and gave myself a manicure. And then, when that was all done...I made myself a kick-ass meal. Check it out...

Lobster Thermador with grilled asparagus and chateau potatoes...

Honestly...I made it! Doesn't it look great? You should have tasted it! (There are left overs. If you're cute and single, gimme a call.)

Then, I topped it off with a vanilla cake...

And yes, it's as yummy as it looks!

So, that's my Valentine's Day and I'm okay with it.

Hope you had a happy day!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

In my absence...

2006-02-13T21:22:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

While I've been a blog slacker (sorry, just wicked tired, folks!), here's what all has happened in our world...

Nick was eliminated from Project Runway. (Fucking travesty!)
The Toronto Maple Leafs lost two games in a row to the New York Rangers.
The Olympics started.
I got stood up on a blind date.
I gained three pounds, lost one, then gained it back.
Hottie (and Smiley) got eliminated from Flavor of Love.
Griz fell on the ice and broke her leg. (Grace!)
I got a (small) bonus at work.
My mother started a spinning class.
I found a $10 bill on the train.
Fashion Week ended.
I colored my hair.
I got a new pair of jeans (Sevens off eBay...score!)
The cute Bomb Squad Guy on Grey's Anatomy was evaporated by the bomb in the OR.
We had one hell of a mo' fo-ing snow storm here in Boston. Brrrrrrrrr...

So, what's been going on with you? Did you miss me?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

You make the call...

2006-02-08T19:14:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Okay...we've got three more hours until tonight's episode of Project Runway. I'm seriously considering taking a nap so I'll be wide awake for it! We have five (5) contestants left and Bravo's promo promises: "and in the end, one of your favorites will hear 'Auf Wiedersehen.'"

Let's review who's left...

Judging favorite...Daniel V. Danny, Dan...the Danmeister...

Dan has won four (4) challenges and continues to wow the judges. I like what he does. It's really creative and fun, but do I think he should win? Not necessarily. Do I think he will? Probably so. Why? Well, 'cause the prize is a mentorship with Banana Republic. See, last year, Jay McCarroll turned it down because there were too many strings attached. But I figure someone like Daniel Vosovic, straight out of design school, would be great at Banana Republic and would be totally moldable. Besides...tonight Daniel V. has amunity, so...HE'S IN.

On to Nick. Uncle Nick. The Nickster...whom I love...

Nick had me in the first episode. He's warm, affable, friendly and, oh yeah, he's one hell of a designer. Michael Kors is on crack saying that everything Nick has created has been "vulgar." I think he needs to pick up Webster's and read the definition. Nick's designs are wearable, sellable and fashionable. He really stole the cameras at the SAG Awards designing Brenda Strong's (Mary Alice's voice on Desperate Housewives) dress. The judges don't seem to like him of late, but I say Uncle Nick steps it up a notch tonight and...HE'S IN.

Chloe. Chloooooooooooeeeeeeeeee...

I have nothing against Chloe. I have nothing for Chloe. She's nice and she cried when Daniel F. got booted off. But she's a Johnny One Note to me. I mean, the only good thing about her leaf dress last week was it wasn't BLUE! I get the feeling that most everything she's designed has been safe and similar. I'd love to see Chloe step out of the box and really do something amazing and creative. She's definitely got the talent. My only knock against her is she's Texan...and well, I don't like Texans. (My apologies to anyone from TX who reads my blog...I had a bad experience with some Texans and it jaded me.) However, the judges love her and she seems to be the Kara Saun of this season so...SHE'S IN.

Kara. Nice, sweet, boring Kara. Totally unmemorable, hanger-oner Kara...

Kara's really nice and if you read Nick's blog, you'll see that she's kept in touch with a lot of people. She's been very emotional and supportive of her fellow designers, but she just hasn't impressed me with her clothing and designs. Nothing stands out to me. Nothing is memorable. Nothing is..."wow...I've got to have that!" So, is charm keeping her in the game? And if so, isn't creativity going to have to outlast charm? It's a toss up for me...I think for tonight, she's a maybe, but...SHE'S IN.

Santino. Sannnnnntino. Czar Nicholas. Dr. Zhivago. Tim Gunn impersonator...

Santino. You know, I've had a love/hate relationship with him. He's snotty and overconfident, yet he's totally insecure and a basket case. Whenever he doesn't win, he pouts...big time. The problem, though, is this dude's got talent. And, he makes me laugh my ass off. He seems nice when they're all together and laughing and immitating Tim (by far, the highlight of this season), but when he gets onto the runway, he turns into the angry, defensive diva. I think Heidi is tired of him. She's said so in other episodes. But wouldn't it be interesting television for him to make it to Fashion Week? I just don't know if he can last anymore, so I'm going out on a limb and saying...HE'S OUT.

I'm probably wrong. We'll see in a couple of hours.

What do you think?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

I'm at a loss...

2006-02-07T18:28:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Well, it's February...the long, cold, dark month. It's also the month of forced love. I'm feeling a bit left out. William has a new boyfriend named Dane, and they're disgustingly cute together. Griz has a crush on someone at work, but is sort of seeing this guy who lives down in Braintree (south of Boston.) And me...well, here I sit. Just me and reality TV. It's so depressing.

And then there's this blog. The Adventures of Vanessa Virtue is a year old as of the end of January (in lieu of gifts, please send cash) and I just feel like I'm running out of steam. I don't feel like I'm amply entertaining my audience.

Am I? Come on, I'm a big girl...I can take it.

Sure, I could go on for days about the TV I watch: Project Runway, Top Model, My Name is Earl, a little sneaking of The Bachelor, Skating with Celebrities, Will & Grace, Grey's Anatomy, Everybody Hates Chris and so many other shows. But how much entertainment does that give you?

I could post quizzes like this one...or this one...or maybe even this one, but would it keep you coming back?

I could talk about my life, but right now it's quite boring. Busy at work, no boyfriend, no social life. Is that what you want to hear?

We could discuss what's going on in the world of high fashion (Fashion Week in NYC!) or entertainment (wanna talk about Super Bowl ad? Loved the magic refrigerator) or sports (what's with Wayne Gretzsky's wife placing bets?) Let's stay away from politics...I'm too polarized towards one side of the spectrum and I'd probably run some of you off.

You could check out some of my favorite blogs that I frequent like this one and this one and this is a wicked good one, too. But then I want you staying here with me and hanging out here.

I've been getting into cooking a lot, so I could share recipes for things Colorful Chicken Roulade or Polenta Bites with Caramelized Mushrooms or maybe you should try Black Magic Cake. Would you like more chatter about cooking? (Oh, and you can bet I'll be watching Bravo's Top Chef when it comes on.)

Maybe I need a break. Maybe I need a trip to Miami Beach. Or Antigua-Bermuda. Or what about a getaway at Les Sources de Caudalie getting pampered and wined up?

What do you think? How can I spice things up here without posting my pornagraphic day dreams?

So, as we age a year, let me thank you for coming back time and again to my little corner of the world. You mean a ton to me!

Hugs and hang loose,
Double Vee

I heart local champions...

2006-02-06T18:18:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

...in a post Super Bowl (can I say that without getting sued by the NFL) haze. William and I had a bunch of people over last night, ordered a whole hell of a lot of chicken wings, served up fries, celery and enough bleu cheese to float an aircraft carrier. There was beer and wine and mixed drinks and bodies everywhere.

The thing that got me, though, were how uninterested my local (Boston native) friends were. All they could do was complain that it wasn't the Patriots in the Super Bowl this year and how that "sucked." None of them wanted to watch the game. They couldn't get into the calls, penalties, plays or first downs. It was just bitch, moaning, carping and complaining that "'da Pahhhhhts" didn't get in this year. Well, you know...sometimes shit happens and other teams get to go.

The other thing that I couldn't understand -- but finally did -- was that these people aren't football fans. They're fans of the local team. Whether that be the Red Sox, the Bruins, the Celtics or the Pats. These guys aren't fans of the game. They don't appreciate the intricacies of plotting out offensive schemes or playing the ball defensively without getting a penalty. All they care about is how they can brag and boast that their local team is the best.

And I understand that...most cities are that way, as exemplified by the many Pittsburgh fans who showed up in Detroit. So, maybe I'm the extreme. I mean, I'm a military brat and have lived all over the place. My Boston friends think going out to Newton is like crossing the Mississippi River. I suppose the Pats, Bruins, Celtics and Sox are all they've ever known in their world. But then...there are satellites and cable packages that allow you to see all sorts of teams from all over the place. Why not extend your horizons? Why just dive to the bottom and put a local team hat on and follow the rest of the lemmings to the BankNorth Garden, Fenway or Foxboro.

Honestly, it was a good thing to have two different teams in the Super Bowl this year. There are, after all, other people in other parts of this great country. Seattle had a hell of a season and that cute little Sean Alexander set records and ran his ass off. Pittsburgh was like 7-5 not long ago and dawg...they won the Super Bowl! What better story in sports is there than that? Why can't the locals appreciate that and just enjoy the sport?

It's because they're not really sports fans...they're local fans. And that's what works for them.

But me...I cheer for lots of teams because there are a lot of them out there with fantastic players that play their games at their peak. My advice to my Boston friends is to test your lengths...get out of town...buy a new piece of sportswear...enjoy the sports for all they're worth and don't torture yourself 'cause the Pats didn't go this year...and don't just cheer for Seattle 'cause their quarterback is "a local Boston boy."

Or maybe, just quit pretending and buy a t-shirt that simply reads:

Ah well...I can't change a city overnight...although I love it and call it home!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Let there be connectivity!

2006-02-05T11:19:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Phew...after three days without DSL service, Earthlink has finally stood up on its little hind legs and repaired whatever damage had happened. I am back on the Internet! (Didja miss me?) Apparently something happened in Cambridge and it knocked everything offline and yours truly has been going mad since Thursday night.

I never knew how much I relied on the Internet connection. I was feeling like a crack addict coming off the stuff...knowing methadone (dial-up) wouldn't work for me. I paced the room. I went and checked the router. I called Earthlink at least nine times asking them why they hadn't fixed it yet! I fidgeted. I did laundry, for Christ's sake. And had to actually go to the grocery store instead of being able to use PeaPod. I had to look a work up in Webster's 'cause I couldn't do to Dictionary.com. I was watching a movie and couldn't look up who the cute actor was on IMDb. My world was askew...knocked off its axis.

Then, this morning, William came into my room and jumped in bed with me screaming..."It's back on! It's back on!" I triumphantly jumped from the bed and we danced around the dining room (where the computer is set up) as the Internet Explorer page loaded on the screen.

Yes. I have no life. I admit it.

Sorry I missed eye candy yesterday, so I'll make up for it now. I watched Mean Girls last night. Ehhh...it was okay. Predictable. About six other themes from teen movies woven into one and starring a normal-looking Linsdey Lohan. However, it did introduce me to a new little hottie I wasn't familiar with...Jonathan Bennett. So, he's our eye candy today...

Looks like he's got an itch...maybe VV can scratch it for him?

Happy Super Bowl Sunday and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Seahawks!!!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Messy Man Reappeareth...

2006-02-02T09:55:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

I saw him again!

Messy Man was on the train again this morning. If you don't remember who he was, here's a reminder. Messy Man was at his finest this morning. Boston Globe askew in his lap, taking up two seats and crowding out this tiny little old Asian woman who was too polite to say anything to him. He had his coffee balanced between his knees (an accident waiting to happen) and in one of his pudgy fists, he held the world's largest blueberry muffin.

It wasn't so much that the muffin was gigamonic, it was the fact that he ate so voraciously, as if someone was going to take it away from him. He wolfed at it, spilling crumbs everywhere (particularly in his lap) and was covered in yellow doughy balls. (One even kerpluncked into his coffee.) When the train came to a quick stop, he nearly crushed the poor little Asian woman (again...too polite to say anything.)

Before he gets to his stop, he literally crambs the rest of the muffin into his mouth, puffing his cheeks out like he's Punxsutawney Phil or something.

As he's got the muffin chawing in his cheeks, he takes a fantastically huge swig of the coffee, draining the cup. The train stops and Messy Man hurridly gathers his things. Then...the bastard tosses his coffee cup under the seat, leaves the paper behind and proceeds to wipe off the crumbs (that are flying everying) and leaves most of them on the poor little Asian woman!

I swear, I heard someone hiss at him.

And...to finish things off, he burped like a newborn baby after three bottles of formula.

Just...ewwwwwwwww...

(And he has a wedding ring on, so there's a Mrs. Messy Man somewhere. How do you live with a man like this? Follow him around with a Dustbuster?! Honestly!!!)

Ahhh...life on the Red Line.

Well...that's all for now. I'll blog about Project Runway later...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Random Acts of Kindness...

2006-02-01T21:02:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

I've been tagged through e-mail by a work friend to commit a "random act of kindness."

Be randomly kind. And tell me about it. Hold open a door for someone behind you, and give them a smile as you leave. Pay for the meal of the person behind you at the drive thru. Pop an extra quarter in the parking meter of someone almost out of time. Share your umbrella with a stranger while walking in the rain. Send flowers to a person you don't know well (or at all) and put a note like "I hope you have a nice day. This has been a random act of kindness." Take a bag of chocolate with you to the post office, and leave it and a note with the worker behind the counter. There's as many ways to be randomly kind as there are moments in the day - I challenge you to find one.

Today, I gave $2 to a homeless man who held the door open for me at Starbuck's. He complimented my hair and my smile and said "God Bless" to me. I also bought a Diet Coke for Griz when she was stressing out over a deadline. And, tonight, I came home and cooked dinner (this casserole I used to make in college) for William, who had to stay late for work.

So, I'm feeling pretty good.

How about you? What can you do? Consider yourself tagged. Then, come back and report in to me your good deeds. Maybe we can make the world (or at least Boston) a better place.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Don't you just love the Internet?...

2006-01-31T18:41:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Thought I'd entertain you today by sending you off to other people's websites. It's amazing what's on the World Wide Web. Anything you can imagine, you can find. Things you don't even necessarily want to know or need to know.

I mean...who knew there was a website to go to in order to get pointers about being a clown?

And then, there's the guy who made a website about the things he and his girlfriend argue about. What...it could help protect you in your own relationship.

Here's a good one where the Bitter Waitress outs shitty tippers.

A kick-ass radio station from San Francisco. If you love Dance and House like I do, you'll be entertained for hours.

For all of you Project Runway addicts like me, you've got to check out the blogging of Laura K. on Blogging Project Runway and the hilarious recaps by Rich on FourFour. (He also did recaps of Being Bobby Brown and America's Next Top Model.)

Here's a cool new site with some great insights on a lot of subjects.

Fresh keeps me laughing daily with her informative Crunk and Disorderly. Check it out.

And for your Zen moment, there's always checking in with Roebling, the Brooklyn Bunny.

Is it any wonder I don't have time for a boyfriend?

What are you favorite websites...please share!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Am I the only one confused?...

2006-01-30T17:54:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

As I was nursing my flu over the weekend, I watched a hell of a lot of television. And you know what? I learned something this weekend that I had no idea about.

You know those Geico ads? You know what I'm talking about. The belligerent cavemen who get dissed that are just hilarious. And of course, everyone knows the gecko. He's famous! He's their spokesamphibian.

Here is he...

But, did you know he's...Cockney?

No shit! I'm listening to this Geico ad and he's like talking to a lizard or something, trying to recruit him into the firm or something and he's talking in this British accent...not just British, but Cockney. He's talking about offering people pie and chips. It's just the strangest thing I've ever seen.

Not that I have anything against the Brits or those Brits with a Cockney accent, but if you were asked to give a voice to the gecko, is that what you would have picked?

I'd like to have been in that pitch/brainstorm meeting at the ad agency.

So, am I the only one disturbed by this? Speak up!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2006-01-28T13:52:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Here's a double-dose of eye candy this weekend...Tyson Beckford (who'll appear as a guest on Queer Eye Tuesday night) and Tyrese Gibson (whose movie Annapolis opens this weekend) are often confused by each other. Is there any doubt?

It all makes for nice eye candy...right?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

I'm loosing faith in my fellow man...

2006-01-27T21:28:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Another boring Friday night...primarily 'cause I still have the flu-ick. I'm hopped up on Tylenol Cold & Flu with a chaser of Nyquil.

But that's not what I want to talk about tonight.

I don't get people. I mean...I don't GET people.

So, I'm standing there today outside of the T and this guy comes up to me and asks me where a particular street is. I tell him, pointing just to make sure he's understanding what I'm telling him. He says "thanks a lot" and keeps walking. I'm walking behind him and I hear him stop the next guy passing and he asks him the same question! What?! My answer wasn't good enough? Well, the guy told him the same thing I told him (imagine that!) And I literally wanted to go up to him and ask him what his fucking problem was. What? Were my answers not good enough? Did he think I was leading him astray? Why did he need the backup opinion?

Okay...fine.

Then, at lunch, I was at the Galleria and this woman who seemed to be a tourist or visitor from out of town asked me how she could get back to the Red Line T. So, being the kind-hearted soul that I am, I told her. Then, as I'm walking back to the office, I see her asking yet another person for directions. Have I lost all credibility or something? I mean, it's not like I don't live here and know my way around. Why ask me if you're not going to believe what I'm telling you? Unbelievable!

And finally...as I get on the T tonight after work and come out at Porter Square, there's this homeless guy with a cup, shaking it at people and asking for spare change. I notice, as I walk by, that there are a ton of pennies on the ground and I'm thinking, "why doesn't he pick them up?" Well, come to find out as this chick puts some change in his cup, that he's picking through the money and throwing the pennies on the ground! Like he's offended by them!

I ask you...what is wrong with people?!?!

Why do I bother trying? I just don't get it.

So, I came in, locked the door, put in the DVD of Tales of the City, grabbed the comforter and made a nest on the couch. And here I shall stay until it's time to go to work on Monday.

Have a great weekend and be sure to tune in for weekend eye candy!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Karma's a beatch...

2006-01-26T13:11:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Still in my Nyquil haze, but not so much that I can't comment on last night's Project Runway. I have one thing to say...

KARMA BABY!

I'm a huge believer in karma. I never, ever hurt people purposely or do things underhanded (although I've been accused of it by stupid people) and I truly believe that you have to practice good so it will come back on you. I mean, hello...this is why I love My Name is Earl so much. It's all about the karma. Apparently, Zulema does not adhere to this policy in life.

When the show started, Heidi offered last week's winner, Zulema, the choice of keeping her model, Rachel, or choosing from all the other models. Zuleme chose to have a three-model walk-off (It's a walk-off!) She took Nick's model, Tarah, the woman he called "his muse." What. A. Bitch.

Now, I realize it's a competition -- I mean, ever reality TV show tells us that over and over and over again -- but that was just wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. And then, she turns to Nick and says "I'm sorry, Nick," like it's a big joke. Well, let me tell you what...my heart just broke for Nick.

And, it sucked the life out of him. He told Daniel V. that he was "over it" and didn't want to play anymore. He wanted to leave. Noooooooooooooo!!! Nick, you can't leave us with just weird-ass Santino and Chloe-of-the-one-colored-designs.

Here is some behind-the-scenes reaction from Nick on what Zulema did. He said, "If you're not kind, you're not going to get kindness back."

No, Nick...it wasn't about kindness, darling. It was about KARMA! Zulema completely fucked with her own karma doing that and it kicked her in the ass immediately!

And look at this god-awful creation she made...

(Poor Tarah!)

It was supposed to be African inspired, but there's nothing wonderfully African about this. It looks thrown together, unfinished and it doesn't even fit her.

While Daniel V.'s creation was amazing, I think that Andrae should have won with his dress that was the inspiration of a puddle of water with rocks in it...check it out for yourself:

Isn't it gorgeous?

We mustn't forget Santino. How this man is still on this show, I do not understand! He says he watched last year's show...well, if he had, he would have known that he used the exact same fabric Austin Scarlett used last year for his Grammy dress. (And I was so thankful that Jay was there as a judge to point that out!)

Look at what Santino did...

What kind of drugs is he on where he thinks this actually is attractive? Would you wear this? Ewww...no!

Now, look at what Austin did last year...

At least Austin's was wearable and glamorous.

I love this show! So very much! What is better than Jay McCarroll as a judge, telling the contestants, "Oh, honey, that's a lot of talk...I've been there."

So boring Chloe is still in. Kara eeked by with her simplistic dress. Santino got to stay in simply because he's a cartoon character. Daniel and Andrae are in because they're talented. And Nick survived along with his new model, Rachel, to go on and design something amazing another day. Note to Nick though: no more fish-tale skirts, babe!

And in my best Heidi impression...that means Zulema, you are out.

This is what it looks like when karma bites you in the ass, people...

And here's Nick, savoring the moment...knowing karma took care of business for him.

Are you as hooked as I am? What did you think of last night's show? Weigh in!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Someone buy me stock in Nyquil...

2006-01-25T21:48:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

You'll have to forgive my absence of late. Home girl got the flu and I feel like death on a cracker. My head is huge, I'm congested, coughing and generally feeling icky overall.

I blame all of those booginkers on the MBTA who cough without covering their mouths, or worse, half-heartedly cover their mouths, hack up a lung and the touch the pole or seat. It's a germ-fest, oozing at the seams with nastiness.

I wash my hands a lot and I try not to touch anything, but the germs love me, what can I say?

So, I'm dining on Lipton noodle soup, saltines and ginger ale. What is it about these things that make me feel better or that I'm at least medicating myself?

I'm hanging in to see Project Runway and then it's off to Na-Na Land again...the land where Nyquil took me off to...

What do you do to feel better when you have the flu or or cold? I'm open for suggestions!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

"My Life" meme...

2006-01-23T10:24:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Griz tagged me with this e-mail at work, so I thought I'd post here. If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged and have fun with it. You're supposed to answer with one word or a short phrase.

MY...

My name: Vanessa Virtue
My childhood ambition: Doctor
My fondest memory: Fake santa tracks in the fireplace on Christmas
My soundtrack: Anything House, Techno or Electronica
My retreat: The bathtub
My wildest dream: Make out for hours with Mark McGrath
My proudest moment: Graduating from college with honors
My biggest challenge: Commuting
My morning ritual: Lather, rinse, repeat
My alarm clock: My roommate, William
My perfect day: Spent lying on Miami Beach with a Cuban sandwich
My ideal date: Home cooked romantic dinner
My first job: Budget Carpet Cleaners (phone sales)
My indulgence: Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie dough...raw
My last purchase: Tuxedo skirt from Club Monaco
My favorite movie: French Kiss
My inspiration: People who never give up

Now, your turn! Who's game for it?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2006-01-21T11:11:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Here's a little eye candy for you this January Saturday morning (which is remarkably mild and damn-near spring-like here in Beantown.) This is David Rich...apparently he does some naked fitness training -- meaning, he helps you look good naked. Well, he can get naked for me any day of the week and twice on Sundays!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wednesday night recap...

2006-01-19T08:59:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

I tell you, since this "no fraternization" clause at work, the place has become a little dull. People don't really talk to each other like they used to, the flirting has been curbed and the lunch breaks are now filled with people reading Time and The Boston Globe instead of chatting, gossiping or bitching about work.

So, instead of having people to hang out with after work (even Griz has gone into hibernation), I headed home, cracked open a bottle of wine (I know...I don't have to drink 8 glasses) and curled up on the couch with a sausage pizza to settle in and watch Wednesday night television.

First of all, I've been watching the replays of Flavor of Love. This show is frickin' hilarious! Flav-o-Flav (46 with 6 kids) is the king of his castle full of hos and wenches. These women are something else. He calls them things like "Sweetie," and "Pumkin" and "Serious" and "Hoops." There are some really pretty girls there, but there are some crazy ones. "New York" already fancies herself in love with Flav. "Serious" can talk about nothing but her modeling career -- going so far as to bring her portfolio with her on the date with Flav. But no worries, he's got an informant in the mix. Red Oyster likes to come to his rooms and tell him who's dissing him behind his back. Then, at the end of the show -- a la The Bachelor's rose ceremony -- he gives the girls who get to stay...clocks around their necks. It's hilarious. It's like a train wreck...I can't turn away.

But last night was the premiere of Skating with Celebrities and I have to say, I was impressed. There were some of my favorite skaters (Kurt Browning, especially) and the celebrities who skated actually did a good job. No one busted their tails or embarrassed themselves. But I do have to say to Bruce Jenner..."Dude, back away from the plastic surgeon's scalpel!" Oh man...is he freakishly weird looking. The best couple was Kristi Swanson and John Zimmerman (who was featured in an episode of Queer Eye -- he apparently forgot all the grooming tips Kyan gave him.) They were really good. Next week, the technical difficulty antes up and one couple will be eliminated. Oooo...the drama.

And then, the night was capped off with my favorite...Project Runway. Keeping in the skating theme, they had to design a costume for skater Sasha Cohen. And boy, these costumes! Santino decided to cover his in feathers and Emmet decided to make his for a hoochie mama. In the end, Zulema and her gigantic Elizabeth Taylor sunglasses won with her creamy white sequined outfit that looked pretty cool.

You have to see Zulema's sunglasses...

The thing that distracts me each week is just how amazingly preggars Heidi Klum is. She wears these skin-tight dresses that show her "bump" (as she calls it..."Baby Seal" as I call it) and it's like you can almost see the baby kicking. Yikes!

So, this is what it's come to. Me and TV. This is what sucking the social life out of work has done to me. But, I need this job. Those credit card bills and student loan won't pay themselves. Just the role of the city girl, I suppose.

Feel free to tell me about any great shows I'm missing and need to tune into. What are your favorite shows of the season?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Jesus walked me home Friday night...

2006-01-18T08:31:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Well, let me tell you, oh devoted readers of my adventures, after the week I had last week, I was due. Due for some busting loose. Due for some fun. Due for a rip-roaring time.

Griz and I went out after work on Friday for "a couple of drinks." Three glasses of wine at the first bar, then three at the next bar and another three at the third bar...well, you can guess what Vanessa Virtue was like:

Yep...that was me...sideways.

It started out just fine. A couple of glasses of wine. Then, Griz started flirting with these two guys who work downtown in the financial district. They were wicked cute and sort of knew it, but they chatted with us. They were headed to another bar, so we paid up and followed along with them. We got one of the last tables at the next place where we were joined by a married couple friends of one them and two more guys they work with. Griz and I couldn't have asked for more attention. And with attention comes the buying of more drinks. And I'm just a girl who can't say no.

One of their friends was amazingly handsome. Like, scary handsome. You know what I mean...like you're afraid to talk to him for fear that he'll look at you, mere mortal, and scoff at you. But he was totally sweet. We're talking he could be an Abercrombie and Fitch model. So, every woman in the place is looking at Mr. Mass of Muscles. They're watching him and trying to get his attention. It's like cats in heat. But Mr. M of M comes and sits next to me...

Mr. M of M: There seem to be more women than men here tonight.

VV: Seems that would work to your advantage.

Mr. M of M: They seem to be circling. I feel like I keep talking to the same ones. I don't know if they're interested.

VV: Can't you tell when a girl's interested?

Mr. M of M: Well, I've had girlfriends, obviously, but these women...I don't know.

VV: She was leaning into you, boobs forward, hips cocked towards you, listening to what you were saying, tossing her hair, batting her eyelashes. Those are all signs.

Mr. M of M: Really? Those are the signs?

VV: Signs that a woman is interested. She leans, she adjusts your way, she brushes against you, finds ways to touch you.

(Of course, as I'm explaining this, I demonstrate by doing all of these things.)

Mr. M of M: Really? I never knew that. So, you think they're really interested in me?

VV: Ummm...hello. Have you ever looked in a mirror?

Well, the cutest smile just danced across his face. I'm thinking he's going to ditch the Sarah Jessica Wannabe hanging by the bar and maybe stay with me, but instead, he pats me on the back, thanks me and returns to her. Griz told me she thought they left together. Great. Way to go VV. Prep him for someone else.

So, seeing how the good looking guy left the building, I decided to drink a little more.

I don't remember leaving. Griz got up to go pee at some point and I was just sitting there thinking how late it was and that I needed to catch the train back to Cambridge before it stopped running, so I gathered my things and picked my way out of the bar.

Out in the night air, I remember someone asking me if I needed a cab and I promptly laughed him off. Then, I weaved like a classic drunk three blocks to the T. Not only did I make it walking down the street (alone!) that late at night, but I actually managed to get my T pass through the slot and get on the train going in the right direction. And, if that weren't miracle enough, I changed from the green line to the red line AND get on it the right way. Unfreakingbelievable! I don't remember any of it. Any. Of. It.

I made so much noise coming in that Mr. Paulsen, my pain in the ass landlord, came down the stairs to see what was going on. Thank God, William was there and ran interference for me. He told me I wouldn't shut up talking and was laughing and prattling on. When I told him everything, he said, "Jesus must have seen you home. God tends to take care of drunks."

If that's the case, then praise be!

I almost feel like I'm too old to behave like that, but it was a good time.

Oh, and Griz called Saturday morning to 1) curse me out for leaving her, but, 2) be relieved that I wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere...not that there are any ditches in Boston, but then again, she's from South Carolina, so I allow her the analogy.

Have you ever done this? Gotten so stinking blotto'd polluted that you don't even remember getting home? Come on...share your great drunk stories!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2006-01-14T16:26:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Shhh...don't talk too loudly. I went out last night and got sideways, so I'm nursing one hell of a hang over. Instead, let's just look at something pretty. Thus, I give you Orlando Bloom...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

I'm spent...

2006-01-12T21:53:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Long, long, long day at the office. Too much work. Too many projects. No strength to blog. Can't be creative.

So, I pose a question to you: What do you look for in a guy? What's the main thing that wins you over?

Discuss.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Giving a whole new meaning to dumber than dirt...

2006-01-11T18:13:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

I got this in e-mail today and I just can't stop myself from blogging about it today and sharing it with the rest of the blog world. This is just...unbelievable and sadly all very true. There are some stupid people in this world. And, because of them, lawyers will never be out of work.

I give you, the 2005 Stella Awards...

It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards." The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

5th Place (tie):

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie):

19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place (tie):

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place:

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place:

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place:

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place:

This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

I am without words...so,

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Lord have merci beaucoup...

2006-01-10T20:00:00.001-05:00

Vanessa here...

I did something for the first time ever last night: I watched The Bachelor in Paris.

As much as a reality TV whore as I am, I have never succumbed to watching The Bachelor or any of its prodigy. But, for some reason last night, I was drawn to not change the channel when Jake in Progress went off. Perhaps it was my love of all things French and this insatiable desire to want to climb the Eiffel Tower or walk along the Seine with a baguette and sit in a sidewalk cafe and sip a smart coffee or sip a simple table wine. Ahhh...Paris. The city of lovers, right?

So, what better place to take an American TV reality show of beautiful people getting it on for the purpose of getting engaged for the viewing public than the sights and sounds of Parrrr-eee!

I have to say, I don't get the big hoopla. Forty minutes of the show was basically this Bachelor (Dr. Travis from Nashville) -- here he is pictured below with the show host Chris Something or Other -- saying "hey" and hugging all dem bitches.

Thus followed the parade of limousines dumping out five beauties at a time. The stimulating conversation that followed was by inane "great to meet you" and half-hearted hugs. Then Dr. Bachelor would (sometimes) watch the chick walk into the house as he said, "I'll join you in a bit."

Then he meandered around the room as this make-uped buffeted women sat around sipping champers and scowling at each other. Dr. Bachelor hit it off with this chick from Canada (who got his first rose), a fellow Nashvillian, a 23 year old from Kansas and a handful more of unmemorable blondes, brunettes and one auburn-haired one.

But the most intriguing, interesting and entertaining of all was Allie G from Delray Beach, Florida, 33 (same age as Dr. Bachelor) and a doctor as well.

She moved in for the kill to have her three minute chat with Dr. Bachelor where she laid her cards...or eggs, as it may be...on the table. She decided to tell him the reason she came on to the show. She said, and I quote:

I feel my eggs dying. I'm ready to reproduce.

As you can imagine, this wigged out Dr. Bachelor who just wants to date a little and have fun and maybe meet a nice girl. Of course, when he gave out his roses, Allie G didn't get one.

Like that wasn't enough, she marched back in and confronted him, yelling at him for not choosing him. How dare he! (Hey, remember all those stories of the fruit and vegetable women? You thought I was exaggerating, eh? No, they exist...and on network television, no doubt!) She screamed at him saying at "his age" he should want to settle down and have children. And, how dare he not choose her because she's a fellow doctor. Dude, the woman was mental. She had to be ushered away from him.

Well, I tell you...it was utter crap, but I think I just might tune in next week.

Whattayathink?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Let's talk television...

2006-01-09T20:52:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Since winter has set in and I have like, zero social life, my thoughts and attention turn to television. And oh, what a line up I'm attached to...

Project Runway is back! It's just deliciously addictive. There's a whole new cast of creatures...err, I mean designers. There's Santino, the guy who's so sure he'll win every challenge that he pouts when he loses; Andrae who just cries for the hell of it; Nick, whose designs kick major ass, Chloe, whose extremely talented; and a crop of middle-of-the-road hangers on who have managed to survive this long. And, of course Heidi Klum, Tim Gunn and Michael Kors are all back and bitchier than ever. I just love this show!

Oh, and when Project Runway is over, BRAVO is doing Project Jay -- featuring last year's winner. And, they've got a sort of Project Runway for the kitchen called Top Chef. Can't wait for that!

My Name is Earl continues to entertain me with major hilarity. I don't know how they get away with everything they do on this show, but it rocks. And, now it's been moved to Must See TV night. Does NBC even call it that anymore? Well, for what it's worth, it's on Thursday night now. Highly recommend tuning in for this.

Tonight, I'm going to give Emily's Reasons Why Not a try. It looks like a chick lit novel (a single girl in publishing dating in the city.) And the return of last season's replacement Jake in Progress starring (yum!) John Stamos. Funny, funny show.

I also think I'm going to watch Skating With the Stars and I watched The Flavor of Love (Flav-o Flav's show.)

Oh...Emily's on, so I have to run...

What are your favorite TV shows right now? What are you looking forward to this spring?

Discuss...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2006-01-07T10:45:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Back by popular demand in 2006 is Weekend Eye Candy! Today's feature is the new Abercrombie and Fitch model, Matt Ratliff. One word, kids..."woof!"

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Caught in the act...

2006-01-05T21:16:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

So here's a predicament that I bet has happened to every one of you working gals. This isn't my story, rather it's my friend Griz's, but I couldn't resist blogging about it.

It's a dreaded problem...going to the bathroom in public.

Griz is at work today and has to go (as she calls it) "big potty." Of course, we all hate having to do this at work, but sometimes, well...shit happens. (I kill me!) Griz, being the true Southern lady that she is, goes in to the ladies and picks the farthest stall. There, she begins to, ummm...do her business. Right as she's about to make music on the water, someone walks in. Not just someone, but the HR director. Now, it's not like the HR director doesn't have normal bodily functions as well, but Griz has a case of stage fright. She's all clenched up, can't perform and literally awaits the exit of the HR director.

After all, who wants other people to 1) hear you, 2) smell you, 3) know it's you, 4) know what you're capable of.

So you're stuck there. Just like Griz this morning.

When she thought the coast was clear, she returns to her task, but then someone else comes in and she's not as quick as the HR director. She decided to do her makeup while poor Griz is stuck.

As you can imagine, Griz finally finished her business after she was gone from her desk for about 15 minutes. All because she didn't want anyone to hear her poop.

Is this just a female thing? Do guys have this same phobia? Do you have this problem yourself?

Me...I just wait 'til I get home. LOL!!!

How's that for a topic today?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Food for thought...

2006-01-04T22:36:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here with absolutely nothing to blog about...

So, I'm going to tell you about William's vacation. He went to San Francisco to meet this guy he's been chatting with online for about three months. Apparently it all went very well, they had a great time, rang the new year in together and are keen to be just friends. Honestly, sometimes I wish I were gay...it just seems so much easier.

But, what I'll blog about is this fabulous meal that William had at Cha Cha Cha's in the Haight-Ashbury area of San Francisco.

First, he ordered the house specialty...sangria...

Then, he had the plantains with black bean sauce...

Then came the pork quesadillas...

And the chicken paillards...

Capping off with the grilled salmon sandwich, roasted potatoes and chili sauce...

You're hungry, aren't you? I'm hungry. I'm booking the next flight on jetBlue to get my ass to Northern California, take a cab to Cha Cha Cha and order all this food!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Der Kommisar's in town...

2006-01-03T21:07:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

And no, I'm not talking about the Falco song from the 80's. I'm talking about Big Brother. Someone's watching. End of the fun. The hammer has come down.

So, first day back at work after the holidays and it seems that while the employees were away, the HR rats were at play. On our desks today were brand new Employee Manuals complete with new rules for "associates." (I hate that they call us associates...like we choose to work there and associate with the company and it's software products.) Anyway, I'm not sure if a lot of this is kosher or within civil rights and stuff, but it doesn't matter 'cause we're all employees at will and if we want to work at The Compass and get our nice paychecks on a monthly basis, we have to play by the new rules.

Some new rules include...

No access or participating in message boards, online groups, chat or instant message software.
Employees overheard complaining about the company to other employess will receive a "warning." On the third warning, you will be dismissed.
Habitual tardiness, long lunch breaks or frequent cigarette breaks will be docked from vacation time/pay.
No fraternization amongst company employees including dating, over socialization or inappropriate interaction during company hours.

Well, we can thank all of this to the Bang Heard 'Round the World in the server room. They're really putting the hammer to all of us. I mean, come on. There goes my Christmas Crush on Jolly.

Oh, Jolly? Well, I found out today that over the break, he proposed to his girlfriend. So, even though HR disallowed me from even fantasizing about a co-worker, he made it clear-cut with his impending matrimony.

I guess I just go to work, do my job and boringly ignore all the cute, friendly people. Come on! People have always socialized and flirted in the work place. These managers are out of control. But I'll continue being the good worker bee. I have too many bills, credit card debt and loans to do otherwise. I'll be good.

But honestly...have you ever heard of anything like this before? I'm astounded.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

A brand new year!

2006-01-02T19:56:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Back from my long visit to my parents and ready to face the new year with gusto and a new ferver. A new year. A new beginning. A chance to get everything right and start fresh. Don't you just love it?

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and rang the new year in right. Me, I was watching the ball drop with my parentals, sipping Andre (they're so classy, eh?) and eating popcorn. I vow that new year 2006 will include some partying, a cute guy and champagne that costs over $10.

Tomorrow it's back to work and back to the grind. I'll do my best to continue to keep you entertained with the craziness of my life.

In the meantime, as stolen from Diana P., here's a little new years meme...

Seven Things to Do Before I Die:
1. Parasail
2. Cook lobster thermador
3. Meet someone famous
4. Go to an Olympics
5. Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower
6. Learn a magic trick
7. Buy a house and decorate it, a la Trading Spaces

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Roll my tongue up
2. Whistle through my teeth
3. Cross my left leg over my right
4. Crochet
5. Smoke - meaning the inhaling part. Tried in college and couldn't do it
6. Tolerate watching American Idol singers
7. Pass by a pan handler

Seven Things that Attract Me to my Significant Other*:
1. His eyes.
2. His smile.
3. His legs.
4. His cute butt.
5. His ability to make me laugh.
6. He total dedication to and admiration of me
7. His fashion sense.

*Note, since I don't have a significant other, I'm stating what will attract me...

Seven Things I Say (or Write) Most Often:
1. Hang loose
2. Oh Shit!
3. You know what I mean?
4. You've got to be f*cking kidding me.
5. No Mom, I'm not moving back to Virginia.
6. VV
7. Give me a break!

Seven Books (or Series) I Love:
1. Bridget Jones books
2. Gone With the Wind
3. The Nora Roberts Key Books
4. The Vampire Chronicals by Anne Rice
5. The Mayfair Witches books by Anne Rice
6. The Little House on the Prairie books (when I was little)
7. The Lovely Bones

Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over:
1. French Kiss
2. The Night We Never Met
3. The Fast and the Furious
4. Moulin Rouge
5. Clueless
6. Gone With the Wind
7. It Happened One Night

Hang loose and Happy New Year!
Double Vee

Holiday Wishes to All!

2005-12-25T17:17:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Blogging from my parents house as I await the Christmas goose and dressing to be set on the table. Santa found me here and delivered lots and lots of great presents. Here's wishing all the best for you and your family and thanks so much for your support throughout the year.

I'll be on vacation until January 3rd, so enjoy the end of the year and be sure to tune in again next year for more of my crazy adventures!

Hang loose and big hugs,
Double Vee

A little Christmas fun...

2005-12-22T23:22:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

I've been oout at an office Christmans party thing and I've beeen drinking a lot so just get over it and accept that I'm a woino...U've been drinking a lot...can you tell?

But here's a fun quizz for you for Christmas. Take it. Enjoy it. Have fun.

This is the QUIZ.

Hang loose,
Doubel Vee

Making progress...

2005-12-21T21:51:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here with a fly-by post.

Hello...it's Project Runway night. The best damn show on television. Tune in to watch Santino bitch out Heidi and maybe Andrae will cry again!

Anyway...back to my patheticism at work, stalking Jolly. Well, I'll have you know that today, I received a forward joke from him. I was listed third on the names on the list and the first female, so apparently I've caught his eye. (I know...he'd be blind not to notice me.) But then I was out at lunch with Griz and we actually ran into him at the mall. Like he was putting himself in front of me, so I have a little gleam of hope that he might be more interested in me.

Okay...it's a little thing, but give me this, people!

So, what do I do next? Do I send him a joke? I've got plenty...many holiday themed. Or should I hold back and hang back and see what he sends me next? I know...I know...don't throw myself on him, even cyberly.

But it's progress...right?

He's out on Friday and then I leave for the parentals on Saturday, so maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder.

I'll leave you with this: what's the most embarrassing thing you've done to get attention from the opposite sex? Come on...fess up...you're among friends!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

I think I've taken it too far...

2005-12-20T19:25:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Well, I think it's official now that Jolly thinks I'm either a freak or a stalker.

Here's how Vanessa Virtue made a giant ass of herself at work today.

When I got into work, I saw him in the elevator as the door was closing. I couldn't help shouting out, "hold the elevator!" The other person in there held it and I got in and smiled at him and tried to make a joke about him closing the door on me. Dumbass me couldn't see he had earphones on and couldn't hear a damn thing I was saying.
Later, I got up to get something off the printer and I saw him go into the kitchen. So, I hurried my step to the kitchen to get some more coffee and he was in there. I said hey and moved close to get to the coffee. He seemed more interested in the mini-moos than me, so I finished up and left.
The research team was in a meeting in one of the glassed conference rooms and for some reason, I chose that moment to visit Griz's cube, which is near the conference room. I kept tossing my head back and laughing and she was like "what the hell is wrong with you" and I couldn't tell her I was trying to get Jolly to notice me instead of paying attention to the meeting he was in. When I looked into the room, I saw he was staring down at his notepad.
I was coming back from lunch and we were both at the front door at the same time. He offered to put his code into the keypad, but I insisted. Of course, I typed it in wrong, twice. What a dork! He did hold the door open for me and let me go ahead. Nice guy.
Finally, at the end of the day, I saw him get in the elevator and so I bolted down the stairs to get to the bottom floor the same time he did. He said to me, "Getting some exercise?" I just smiled and said, "something like that." He wished me a good night and then that was it.

What. An. Idiot. Could I be more obvious in my attraction to him? I mean, I didn't plan all of the encounters, but seriously, Jolly's going to take a restraining order out on me. I couldn't help myself.

I'm reminded of Cher Horowitz in the movie Clueless where she says if you want to get a boy to notice you, you have to draw attention to yourself. Remember? She sends herself candy and love notes and flowers and drops her pen and pulls her sweater off her shoulders? Course, I'm no bombshell like Alicia Silverstone and she did attract a gay guy in the movie, but the theory seems to be out there and women wouldn't do it if it didn't work (like Wendy T. sitting in her future hubby's lap the night she met him) so it can be the start of a relationship.

Maybe I do need to calm down and back off. I don't want to get reprimanded or fired. It was just one dance and one brief hand hold. He may have been blitzed. He may not even remember it.

I must chill, eh?

Please continue with the advice...you're my anchor...my touch stone. You keep me sane.

Hang loose,

Double Vee

Homo for the holidays and my crush dilemma...

2005-12-19T19:48:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Sorry I've been absent of late. I've been so busy at work and going to holiday parties (I'm very popular) and shopping and trying to get ready for my visit to the parentals in Virginia. But mostly, I'm dealing with William, who has turned our apartment into the visualization of what it must look like when Santa Claus barf. Red and white and green everywhere. William's decorating talent has made Martha Stewart look like Scrooge himself. There's buttons and bows and tinsel and mistletoe and wreathes and a gigenormous tree and presents everywhere and lights and candles. William has gone over the top...but then that's how he does everything and I loves him for it.

Oh...so, I have to tell you about the holiday party at work last week. I'm having a little problem that perhaps you can help me with. I don't know if this is a female thing and I'm just wigging or if this is something all you other gals do.

So, at the party, we have this presentation by the company president -- you know, rah, rah-ing and year end numbers and such. Nice stuff. We're doing okay. We're a tech company surviving past 2000, what do we want, you know? Then, we all check out the carving stations and the mashed potatoes and meatballs and passed appetizers. Tons of food. Griz and I have our fill and, of course, take advantage of the three-hour open bar. (The Cabernet Sauvignon they served was tres yummy.) Well, we ended up in this knot of people standing around the crudite and suddenly, I'm talking hockey with two sales guys and this new guy from research. We'll call him Jolly 'cause he's soooooooo tall. I mean like my head comes to the middle of his chest. (Griz guesses that he's at least 6'6".)

We're all talking and having fun and laughing and really enjoying ourselves and then next thing I know, Jolly is getting wine for me. Now, I've maybe spoken to him about 8 times since he started working at The Compass, but we're hardly buddy-buddy. Well, you know how you talk to someone for a while and they get cuter and cuter? Yep...that happened with Jolly. He was so attentive and complimentary of me that I was totally smitten. Then, he asks me to dance. Of course, I say no 'cause I don't want to man an ass of myself. But he takes my wine glass from me and leads me to the small dance floor and we groove to a Michael Jackson (don't boo...) beat. And, as we're dancing, he holds my hand. Yeah...holds it.

I got these delicious little chills all over and I couldn't help but smile up into his nice, warm brown eyes. He's really a little doll. Well, not that he's little...the guy is what my grandmother would call "a tall drink of water."

Okay...flash to last Friday and today when Jolly's back at his desk and research and what do I do? I find every reason under the sun why I have to go back there and ask someone questions. Noooo...I can't just e-mail or anything, I have to draw attention to myself.

Do you guys do this? Do you try to become the center of attention so you can get some guy to notice you more? I laugh too loud, I walk by his cube every few minutes, I find reasons to e-mail all of Research just to put my name in front of him. It's not that I'm stalking him or anything, but it's like every time I turn around, go to the bathroom or go into the kitchen, there's Jolly. I can't tell if he's annoyed by me and my presence or if he's noticing me and finding me irresistible.

I've always done this, though. Every time I notice a guy I like or who's cute or, God forbid, has paid any attention to me, I go overboard. I talk too loudly. I laugh a lot. I stalk. I can't keep my mouth shut. Is this a female thing or a Vanessa thing?

What should I do? Lay low? Hang back? Be quiet? Or just keep being myself?

I need help! You've always been there for me before...don't let me down now.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

The Human Dog...

2005-12-14T09:19:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

So flabbergasted that I couldn't wait until tonight to blog.

I had to go downtown this morning on an errand and I stopped in at the Au Bon Pain on the corner of Boylston and Berkley got an egg and cheese bagel (I know...I'll get back on my diet after the first of the year) and as I'm standing there in line, this man next to me starts barking like a dog. I'm not just talking any old immitation...he sounded like a real, live dog!

At first, I thought he was flirting with the chicks behind the counter. But then, they handed him his breakfast and he began eating at it and licking it...like a dog! He was barking no stop -- really loudly -- and stopping to scratch himself. Then, he started growling at someone who came too close to him. Honestly, he was acting like a dog. So, I checked him out. Harley Davidson t-shirt, beard, long chain with dog tags on it and a black and silver spiked dog collar. He worked his way through the store, growling and barking at people and when he went to pay for his food, he whimpered.

Then, what got me was no one else seemed disturbed by him! Especially when he stood to get napkins and pulled them out with his teeth and growled and barked. I realized, that he was a regular in there and they were used to it. I asked the cashier and she said he's been coming in for ten years. He started doing the dog schtick and has developed it more and more through the years to the point where he now believes he's a dog. Then she added, "he's a little crazy."

YOU THINK?!

So, if you're on Boylston Street between 8:30 and 9:00 a.m. -- check out the human dog. Believe me, you'll hear him before you see him. And no, it's not some blind person's seeing eye dog in there. It's the human dog.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Santa ain't got nothin' on me...

2005-12-13T21:12:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Man, please...don't tell me that Christmas is like in twelve days. (And if you start singing the twelve days of Christmas, I might have to bitch slap you.) Twelve days! First of all, where the hell did 2005 go? Whooooooooosh...gone! I blinked and it was December. I hear this happens the older you get, but man, I'm only 27...WTF!

However, today was a banner day for me. During my lunch break, I sat at the computer and shopped. Did everything for everyone all in one fail swoop and spent about $300 to fully satisfy my entire Christmas list. I got gift baskets for my parents, a gift certificate for my sister, more gift baskets for Griz and clothes for William. More gift baskets for my co-workers and boss and get this, it'll all be delivered before Christmas and I didn't have to go to the Galleria and fight any other consumers for anything.

Hopefully you've been on top of things better than I have been, but in case you're looking for some last minute shopping ideas and quick turnaround, here are some of my favorite sites that have come through for me...

Harry and David

Wine Country Baskets

Omaha Steaks

Clinique

Cooking.com

Amazon.com

Armani Exchange

Kenneth Cole

And you know what, when in doubt, always remember that cash makes a lovely present. Seriously...there's nothing wrong with giving someone you care about a little of the cold, hard cash. That way, they know you care and they can get anything they want.

Now, I'll sit back and see what people send me. I hope I get a neat gift basket...or that new Kenneth Cole skirt I've been eyeballing, or those music CDs in my Amazon wish list. Whatever it is, I'll be grateful that people care enough to even think about me.

How are you doing on your Christmas shopping? Almost done? Barely started?

What are you waiting for...get shopping!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

To pass the time away...

2005-12-12T19:19:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Quite a week ahead of me. I've done zero Christmas/holiday shopping and there are only a handful of days left to get stuff. I'm thinking of just handing everyone cash and be done with it. Work's a beatch as we've got all sorts of end of year stuff going on. And most exciting, the work holiday party is this Thursday. Can't wait for that. It's at a local hotel ballroom with an open bar, a chocolate fountain, cheese fondu and tons of other food. I'll be sure to report back on that.

In the meantime, to pass the time away, here's a Christmas MeMe for fun...

1. What is your favorite Christmas carol? "We Three Kings"
2. What is your favorite fun Christmas song? "Up on the Housetop Reindeer Paws..."
3. Who's your favorite reindeer? Rudolph...duh...
4. What's your favorite Christmas food? Figgy pudding...no, no, just kidding. Certainly not the fruitcake my grandmother used to serve up. My mother makes a killer egg nog. Puts hair on your chest.
5. What's your favorite "day" of Christmas? I'll have to go with the day you get five gold rings. I mean, who doesn't want jewelry?
6. What's your favorite Christmas special? That's a real toss up. I love the Charlie Brown Christmas, but I also love The Grinch and Santa Claus is Coming to Town. I love when the Burgermeister Meisterburger gets his!
7. What is your favorite Christmas movie? Easy..."Die Hard." Don't give me that...it's a Christmas movie. Plain and simple.
8. Do you prefer Frosty or Rudolph? See question #3...Rudolph. Especially the claymation one who fights the abominable snowman with the elf who wants to be a dentist.
9. What's your least favorite Christmas movie? "It's a Wonderful Life." Don't even get me started. George Bailey lives a miserably sad life. Such a depressing movie.
10. Do you open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Blasphemy! Christmas Day. Santa doesn't bring them until Christmas Eve. = )
11. Where's your favorite place to celebrate Christmas? My parents house, in my old room with the family dog, my sister and the folks. Makes me feel like a kid again.
12. What's your favorite Christmas memory? When I was 12, my dad put boot prints in the fireplace to make me think Santa had been there. What a great memory.

Okay...have at it and have fun with it...take a twirl with the questions.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2005-12-10T08:18:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Sorry I've been a bad blogger. Lots of stuff going on at work and then William and I are having a holiday party tonight. So, I promise to be better next week. Office holiday party is next week, so I'm sure to have lots to talk about.

In the meantime...here's some weekend eye candy. Two words: Viggo Mortensen. Yum.

Yeah, he was in Lord of the Rings and all, but he won me over as The Blouse Man in A Walk on the Moon. Mmmm...

Have a great weekend and hang loose!
Double Vee

America's Next Top Dumb@ss...

2005-12-08T08:37:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

I can't find the words to express, define, explain, detail or enumerate how utterly, completely, nauseatingly disappointed I am that last night's America's Next Top Model title went to...to... this...

She beat...this...

I mean...are them judges blind?!?!

Nik was robbed. Robbed! That's all I have to say.

I'm just...without words. Mama Ty-Ty, you've got some es'plainin' to do.

But on a happier note, Project Runway is back with a vengence and totally kicked ass for two hours. Can't wait to watch it every week. Did you catch it? If not, the repeats are on tonight. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

The first flakes...

2005-12-06T21:44:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

And no, I'm not talking about the need for Head and Shoulders to combat dandruff. I'm talking about the first flakes of the winter season.

Boston is dotted and decorated with a lovely, thin layer of our first snow of the year.

As I walked to work this morning, tiny twinges of icy snow touched my nose, my cheeks, my hair, tickling me with the reminder that cold days were ahead for the foreseeable future. I was moved by the beauty of the cloudy, gray sky and the fact that everyone walking around me was bundled up in their fleece, wool and all weather gear.

There's something peaceful and serene about that first snow of the year as it dances about the sky, falling gracefully to the sidewalk. The nip of the winter air, watching your breath and pulling the collar of your coat tighter.

With the winter comes the promise of rest and relaxation, crawling under the covers, maybe cuddling with the one you love, warming up to a mug of something hot and steamy. A time to catch up on movies you've missed, to sit with popcorn and gorge out on college bowl games. The season for love, peace, hope, a new beginning before the new year starts and we do it all over again.

So, as I await the next patch of snowstorms schedule to slash through the Boston area, I'll enjoy the nights under the comforter, the two pairs of socks and the thick tights I'll have to wear. And when April comes and there's still frozen brown slush all over the place, remind me of this epiphany and love of winter. By then, I'll be looking for a tanning bed to start my preparation for summer.

Let me know what you think of winter...what you enjoy about it and how it makes you feel.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Tis the season...

2005-12-04T20:16:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here with a fun MeMe here to start the holiday season out right and to wrap up 2005. (Where did the year go?!)

Name Five Bad Things That Happened to You in 2005:
1. Hunter, the "I don't want to have sex before I get married" guy who banged some stranger while away at a work training event.
2. Had hot coffee spilled on me on the train.
3. My cat I had growing up died.
4. Friends at work got fired/laid off.
5. Three of my student loan payment checks bounced.

Name Five Good Things That Happened to You in 2005:
1. Met my new roommate and bestest friend, William
2. Got props at work for staying late several times.
3. Found a pair of Kate Spade shoes on eBay for $60.
4. Won $200 on a scratch ticket.
5. Started this blog and made wonderful cyber friends.

Name Five People Who Have Touched You in a Special Way in 2005:
1. William - new roomie, new confidant, new support system.
2. Griz - pal at work who's always there for gossip, support and lunch dates
3. My parents - although they keep riding me to move home, they do support my adventures here in the big city.
4. Aislin - my boss and totally the successful woman I want to be some day.
5. You - my blog fans who return daily to read about me and my adventures - Thanks!

Name Five Things You Achieved in 2005:
1. Lost 10 pounds and kept it off.
2. Got props at work for staying late and working on projects.
3. Made the Boston Globe blog log three times!
4. Paid off my Filene's card
5. Actually had a boyfriend for a few months.

Name Five Things You'd Like to Achieve in 2006:
1. Get a raise/promotion at work.
2. Find a boyfriend/true love.
3. Get a new car.
4. Consolidate my debt.
5. Travel more, although I hate flying.

What is your new year's resolution/what would you like from 2006?
To be happy, healthy, enjoy work and my friends and to find a nice guy to have dinner, a movie and a glass of wine with. And he needs to have a firm ass and dimples.

What?!

So...who's next? Why don't you take a stab at it. I tag everyone...all of you! Ready...go!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

The funniest man alive...

2005-12-02T20:17:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Phew...after the drama in the office this week and all the sexual tension, Griz, William and I decided to get away from Dodge this weekend. We're going to NYC to see the infamous -- and wickedly funny -- Mr. Eddie Izzard.

Lovessssss Mr. Izzard.

If you're in the New York area...

Perry Street Theatre
31 Perry Street (off of 7th Ave)
Saturday, Dec. 3 at 11pm

Tickets only $25 (no fees!)
On sale Friday, Dec. 2 at 10am

Tickets available ONLY by calling:
212.741.0391
*Please note: You can only purchase tickets by calling the above hotline.
*Tickets are NOT AVAILABLE through the box office.
*Tickets are “will call” only and can only be picked up immediately prior to the performance.
*Seating is General Admission. Doors open at 10:30pm.

Okay, I've just whored for my favorite comedian. If you've never heard him, you're missing out on some of the funniest shit you've ever heard. He came to US fame with his HBO special Dress to Kill. Rent it. Buy it. Memorize it. Then choose tea or cake or death... (watch the DVD, you'll get it.)

Have a great weekend!

Double Vee

What would we do without "controversy?"...

2005-12-01T18:19:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Okay, so the whole city of Boston, including our Mumbling Mayor, has gone completely postal over the fact that the city's Christmas tree -- donated each year by our sister city, Halifax, Nova Scotia -- is being called a "holiday tree."

Here's what The Globe had to say about it.

Everyone's gone pazzo about this. Oh, they're taking Christmas out of Christmas. I get home and all of the local-make-mountains-out-of-mole-hills "news" channels are talking about "the controversy swirling around Boston."

I've got three words for all of you: Get. Over. It.

Let me start by saying that I am a Christian. I celebrate Christmas. I appreciate the day for what it's supposed to be about, not just the commercialization of the day. All that being said, everyone needs to calm the hell down.

First of all, the decoration of a tree traces back to Pagan times to celebrate the winter solstice. Later in the 7th century, a tree was thought to have a triangular shape representing the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. But people...Christmas trees have nothing to do with the celebration of Jesus' birthday...therefore...calm down about it being called a "holiday tree."

This is the 21st century where -- believe it or not -- Christianity is not the world's top religion. The United States -- and particularly our beloved Boston -- is a melting pot of many cultures, customs, religions and backgrounds. We all have come together in this great experiment called America that was founded on religious freedoms for all. So, in saying "Happy Holidays" and "Oh, look at the holiday tree," it's merely an attempt to include everyone in the festivities and loveliness of the season where there should be peace, harmony, love and appreciation for all we have.

There...I've said my peace. And if I saw Mayor Mumbles tonight out in town, I'd tell him the same thing. And shame on the newspapers and news outlets for propagating this. Everyone needs to just get over it. Call the damn tree anything you like...it's pretty. Look at it. Appreciate it. Let the love the season flow through you.

I'll climb off my soap box now.

On a happier note, Emily, the Wisconsin kitty who accidentally stowed away in an airplane and ended up in Paris, France, is coming home thanks to Continental Airlines. Now that's a holiday story for your ass!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

My (pretend) date with a movie star...

2005-11-30T21:18:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Not much to report other than, I had a date tonight with my pretend boyfriend, Patrick Dempsey. He came to pick me up, even brought flowers and took me to the movies. We saw RENT and had dinner. It was quite lovely.

Here he is awaiting my response after he told me how gorgeous I looked tonight...

And here he is outside the restaurant, waiting for me by the taxi...

Here he is, being insistent that I give him a kiss goodnight...

And here he is all smug when I agreed to give him that kiss...

Hope your evening was as exciting.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

The fall out continues...

2005-11-29T21:46:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Shit's still hitting the fan at the office after the Boink Heard Round the Company. There was this mass e-mail to everyone in the company that said Donovan Hughes was no longer with the company because he'd "decided to pursue other options." Man, can't they admit they fired his ass 'cause he bared it (and more) in the server room?

I was just happy to get out of the office for a few hours. Course, I had to go to the dentist, get my teeth cleaned and a cavity filled. So wait...getting my head drilled was better than hanging out in the new and unimproved office where people have sex in server rooms and the upper management starts retooling office etiquette because of it.

And let's not even get into how there's frickin Christmas music on the radio all the time and piped into the dentist's office. I had to hear Bing Crosby and David Bowie singing to me while the novocaine kicked in. No one should have to hear that.

So, that's it from here right now. Just gearing up for tomorrow's Top Model showing. In the meantime, if you want to get a laugh and recap of the show, check out: http://www.fourfour.typepad.com/

Hang loose,
Double Vee

The shitteth hath hitteth the fan...eth...

2005-11-28T18:52:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Name that movie quote!!

Okay, well as you're thinking of that, let me tell you what happened at work today! Man, oh man, oh man! Sexual escapades...secret sex...getting caught... And no, no, no...it wasn't me. Sadly, VV is still looking for her next bout of trysting, but these were office folk and man have they upset the apple cart.

Reagan Vanbiesbrouck is our top sales person. It really chaps the asses of all the macho sales guys that our top seller is a chick. Reagan is something else. She runs the Boston Marathon every year, she's cute and thin and doesn't wear a stitch of makeup. You'd probably want to hate her if she weren't so nice. Well, we had this new sales guy who'd only been at the company about four months -- Donovan Hughes -- and they've been eyeing each other like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It was inevitable that these two gorgeous people were, at some point, going to be going at it.

But who knew they'd do it at work!

I shit you not.

We're sitting there this afternoon, doing our work, being the good worker bees that we're paid to be when all of a sudden, the network connection literally sputtered out and...died. Everyone in the company let out this collective groan (which makes you wonder how many of them were playing Pogo.com, checking stock quotes or e-mailing their friends.) So, our tech guys head into the supply room which leads to this small (freezing) closet) where the servers are housed. I hear ('cause I didn't see) that Kelvin, the IT tech, goes to the server room and the door is locked. Well, sure, it's usually locked.

So, he gets his master key, opens the door and what to his wandering eyes should appear but...two naked people going at it against the server cabinet, literally knocking it off line.

Reagan and Donovan were doing the white man's overbite, slammed against the computer equipment and in essence, pounding the internet off line.

They were horrified. Kelvin was horrified (if not a little entertained as he's had a crush on Donovan since he started work here) and went screaming from the room like a woman scalded. The HR Director quickly pulled both Reagan and Donovan into her office (all tattered and bunched up clothes) and you could hear the screaming. Oh. My. God.

Both were dismissed for the rest of the day...well, Donovan was fired on the spot because he said it was his idea and he instigated the...errr...extracurricular activity. Because of Reagan's sales figures, she was given a warning and sent home.

Man...sex in the office! Caught having sex in the office! How embarrassing is that? Could you imagine? I mean, I was embarrassed for them!

The executive committee of the company is meeting tomorrow to review the Employee Handbook and add some provisions to it regarding fraternization amongst employees. See, I told you...the shit hit the fan. Oh, and to top it all off, there was a training session for some pretty important clients going on and their computers were knocked off the system, too. It just was not good all around.

But it wasn't me. I'm a good girl at work. I behave and don't get into trouble like that. It'll be interesting to see how this fleshes (no pun intended) out from here. I'm sure it's to be scandalous!

I'll keep you posted.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

(And if you don't know the movie quote...it's from 10 Things I Hate About You.)

Pre-holiday humor...

2005-11-22T22:05:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Not much going on here in my boring, pre-holiday life. Please note: The Adventures of Vanessa Virtue will be on a quick holiday hiatus (going to Antigua with my pretend boyfriend, Patrick Dempsey) as I head to Northern Virginia for the long week to see the parentage.

In the meantime, enjoy some holiday humor...

Hope you and yours have a Happy Turkey Day!!! See ya on Monday!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

My new pretend boyfriend...

2005-11-21T21:58:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

With nothing better to do than to pick and choose my new boyfriend. I've thought about this long and hard and decided that I'm now going to be pretend dating Patrick Dempsey. (Insert "mmm...mmm...mmm..." here.)

You might know him as Dr. McDreamy (Derek Shepherd) on ABC's Grey's Anatomy...

But...he's had me since the first time I saw Can't Buy Me Love and saw the Donald Miller Dork via for popular Cindy Mancini.

See, my problem with the movie Sweet Home Alabama was why the hell would Reese Witherspoon ditch Patrick Dempsey at the altar to marry the yahoo from podunk? Just didn't make sense to me at all. I mean, was she crazy? Totally lost the movie to me. I'd a stayed with Patrick.

So, I'll be pretend-dating Patrick for a while now. I'm very excited to see where the relationship goes as he's a very talented, handsome man and I'm sure he'll fall head over heels for me.

Can I pick 'em or what?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Happy Birthdays are in order!

2005-11-20T10:58:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

With a quick shout-out and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Pam Claughton who turns (whispering age) today!!!!

Go over to her blog and wish her a very happy b-day!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2005-11-19T11:43:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

With two words: Taye Diggs.

Mmmm...mmm...he's not so much candy, per se (well, maybe in this picture), but just this adorable thing you want to fold up, put in your pocket and take home with you. We got to know him in How Stella Got Her Groove Back, saw him featured in Kevin Hill and now he's got Rent coming out. Let's not forget his guest-starring on Top Model! Taye's hot, hot, hot...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

All hail the new grape!...

2005-11-18T19:55:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Just a quick fly-by, as William and I are having a dinner party tonight to celebrate the release of the Beaujolais Nouveau. He's hard at work in the kitchen making Coq Au Vin. I'm making a French chocolate cake. Mmmm...will be a culinary masterpiece.

Go out and grab some George Duboeuf and enjoy the new grape...it's deeelish. We've got a whole case of it here. Sorry I can't have everyone over, but you know Mr. Paulsen would go postal. I hope he doesn't expect any.

Enjoy your Friday and tune in tomorrow for weekend eye candy...

Vive la France!
Double Vee

Is he or isn't he?...

2005-11-17T19:40:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

So, at work today, we got a little loopy towards the end of the day. William, my roomie, came by to pick me up and Jack, fellow marketing teammate, Griz and I got into this discussion about celebrities and who we do and don't think are gay. Now, let me tell you, I pride myself in a really sharp gay-dar, but every since I met William, I'm convinced that every cute guy is gay. Or maybe that's just because William's attracted to all of them.

But, have a look at our discussion and how the votes when and then decide for yourself...

Matthew McConaughey

Me: Gay
William: Gay
Jack: Not Gay
Griz: Not Gay

Ewan McGregor

Me: Definitely Not Gay
William: (Sadly) Not Gay
Jack: Gay
Griz: Not Gay

Antonio Banderas

Me: Questionable
William: Not Gay
Jack: Gay
Griz: Not Gay

Antonio Sabato, Jr.

Me: Not Gay
William: Not Gay
Jack: Gay
Griz: Not Gay

George Clooney

Me: Not Gay
William: Not Gay
Jack: Not Gay
Griz: Not Gay

Ricky Martin

Me: Way Gay
William: Beyond Gay
Jack: Are you kidding me?
Griz: Um...hello! Gay!

What's your vote?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Random thoughts on a Wednesday...

2005-11-16T19:36:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Some random thoughts on a Wednesday night while I'm reheating the leftover pasta:

I saw the most interesting homeless person today. He was standing on the street corner with a neck brace on, a Gatorade bottle with change in it and around his neck was a sign that read: "I'm homeless, sober and I have a broken neck. Ask me: I can prove it!" So, some unknowing tourist wearing a Clemson Tigers cap and carrying a $900 camera actually stopped the guy to hear his story. All I heard was "after the cab ran me over..."
There's a guy reselling flowers on Boylston Street. He gets them from the supermarket or something and then marks them up and sells them near the posh stores. I wonder how much profit he's making?
Interesting convo overheard when ordering my grilled tuna and Swiss on wheat. The guy in front of me ordered Buffalo chicken tips and the guy who served it asked if he'd like a side of toilet paper to go with it. Ewwww....
I heard that not only will Project Runway be returning on December 7th, but Bravo has renewed Being Bobby Brown for another season. Sweet!
Tonight is Top Model night. The girls are being whisked away to Jolly Old England. I think Kim's going to be the one to go tonight, but it could be anymore...
I shamelessly flirted with a guy on the T on the way home tonight. He was cute, well-dressed, clean shaven and unmarried. I plan on looking for him again tomorrow. Time that Double Vee got a little action.
Why is it that people who can't stop talking about themselves (from them, I get what I call Me-mails) are always termed as "insecure?" I don't buy it.
Going to the Colonnade tomorrow night for the celebration of the new grape - the release of the Beaujolais Nouveau!

Hang loose,

Double Vee

Things to do on a rainy day...

2005-11-15T21:00:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

It's cold and rainy here in Beantown today. All day, people traversed the streets with their umbrellas furled high, staving off the pesky rain pellets. Me, I just waited until quittin' time so I could come home and do my favorite things that I do on a rainy day...

Ordered a pepperoni and mushroom pizza (with a side salad)
Made a fresh batch of Betty Crocker fudge brownies
Voyeuristic peaks at the Brooklyn Bunny
Opened up a new bottle of Sterling Chardonnay
Fantasizing about Mark McGrath as I watch Extra!
Flip channels between the Vibe Awards and the Toronto Maple Leafs
Curled up on the couch in my favorite sweatshirt and pajama pants
Going to bed early after watching "My Name is Earl"

Oooo...William just brought home ice cream, so I'm going to go indulge. Stay warm and dry!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Pet peeves...

2005-11-14T19:40:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

I'm at a loss over what to blog about today. I was all set to regale you with my chefdom and share the amazing, rustic grilled chicken, spinach, prosciutto and artichoke pasta in a creamy sauce that I was preparing for dinner. However, the digital camera pooped out on me. Guess one needs to buy batteries every now and then. So now what do I talk about?

Well, Diana brought up a pet peeve today, so I got to thinking about my pet peeves...

People who correct me. The only people who are allowed to still correct me at my age are my mother, Vivian, and my father, Colonel Stanley Virtue. They created and birthed me and on some level, I will always be their baby. My boss, Aislin, has the right to correct me on work matters. However, no one else has the right to shush me, tell me to "calm down" or otherwise issue dictations, instructions or orders. This all goes back to my desperate desire that everyone in the world just mind their own business.
People who take up more than one seat on the T. What is it with these businessmen who have to spread their legs so wide that it takes up two perfectly good seats? Or these hip-hop kids giving their school backpacks their own precious seat while pregnant and/or old women hang on and teeter. Or my favorite...the person who sits in the outside seat, thereby blocking off the inside seat from the possibility of anyone sitting there. It's called public transportation for a reason, people.
People who end every sentence with "you know what I mean?" This is a tactic to get me to respond to everything you've said to me or to prove that I heard you. Don't do this? Because you know what? I may not know (or care) what the fuck you mean. I swear, once you notice someone doing this, it will drive you to drink.
People who are impatient at the salad bar. I always panic when I'm at the salad bar for fear that I'm not going fast enough or speeding through the vegetables in the manner the pushy person behind me wants me to. Most of the time, I step back, let them go ahead of me and say, "please go ahead, I like to take my time." Really freaks them out. But honestly, how fast do you have to go picking through mushrooms, cucumbers, feta and eggs? Take a moment and enjoy the chopped veggies, people.
People who don't proofread their e-mails. I have a very low tolerance for typos in general, but I hate when people at work can't take the time to proofread or check their spelling or format. Business correspondence is now electronic, so you need to put your best foot forward and be professional at all times. Take the time to make sure your e-mail doesn't read: "how many vcation daysdo i have let?"
People who start trouble and then blame everyone else for it. There's this sales guy at work who starts dramas all the time, accusing people of all sorts of stupid, meaningless shit. Everyone gets freaked out, they have words, meetings have to be set up to settle the stupidity all for nothing and then this guy points the finger of blame at everyone but himself. It's so sixth grade of him. He's 42 years old, he should start acting it.
People who say they're on diets but eat like pigs. Either be on a diet or don't be. Don't talk about it, just do it. Don't get a steak and cheese with extra mayonnaise and then cry to your friend and say, "why isn't my stomach flat?" Well, it's because you eat cow, cheese and fat every day. There's this chick Griz and I know who's flitted from Jenny Craig to Weight Watchers to South Beach to Atkins. All she does is talk about dieting, yet, she gets Wendy's Burger King and a variety of local delis and take out places. Either take care of yourself or don't.
People who walk out in front of cars and dare them not to hit them. This may just be a Boston thing, but what is it with pedestrians who walk out in front of a two ton vehicle and eyeball the driver with that "I dare you" look in their eyes. If you're in a crosswalk, well, sure...but this crossing in the middle of the street or just wherever you please, well hell, you deserve to get hit by a car. Boston has this astronomical number of pedestrians hit by cars and it's no wonder. Here's a clue...the little white walky guy means you can cross. The orange hand up means, don't!
People who let their dog poopie on the street. Ewww...clean it up! 'Nuff said!
People who can't laugh at themselves. Laughter is the best medicine. Laughter is universal and powerful and such a wonderful thing. Everyone should calm down, loosen up, enjoy life more and just let out a good belly laugh every now and then. And especially laugh at yourself. It'll feel great. I do it on a regular basis.

There you have it. Nothing too outlandish and I took up a bunch of blogging space.

What are your pet peeves? Feel free to share!

I'm off to eat my pasta...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2005-11-12T11:45:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

I got a posting for a new job...check it out:

Job Opportunity

A very important International Company with offices located in the Bahamas is looking for An Executive Assistant. The job description is the following:

- Needs to be available 16 hours a day
- Breakfast with the boss
- Lunch with the sales director
- Break at 4 with the finance director
- Must be a happy, friendly and reponsible, working with HR Director
- Must be willing to travel with the CEO

THE BOSS

THE SALES DIRECTOR

FINANCE DIRECTOR

HR DIRECTOR

CEO

Music soothes the savage beast...

2005-11-11T22:00:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

For those of you in search of some kick ass music, check out the latest mix from electronica/house diva, DJ Adien. I've played this like five times already today! I sizzles, people!

Oh, and if you're looking for some other awesome house/trance/dance music online, check out my new favorite internet radio stations, Energy 92.7, the beat of the bay (San Francisco.)

Hang loose and groove all weekend long,
Double Vee

What crazy person drives this car?...

2005-11-11T14:30:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Just had to post a quickie here. Was out a little while ago downtown running some errands and I got stuck byehind this Ford Taurus station wagon. Damn my camera phone for not working, but I just had to share the bumper stickers on this car. Makes me wonder exactly about the person driving this car. Aside from the Dorchester resident stickers lined up on the back window, we had the following...

Out of my Way! Kid's Gotta Pee!

I Got Pricked by Mick
at Body X-tremes, Quincy

Your little princess is my little whore

(graphic of man and woman in the "69" position)
Enjoy life, eat out more often

What else can I say?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Back my popular demand...

2005-11-10T18:30:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Well, I’ve had e-mails galore from people wanting more of the adventures of stupid women, so I combed the area, queried my friends, watched co-workers and looked at myself and alas, I have more case studies for you.

Case Study #1: Infidelity and the City: So, at thirty-three, Yellow Corn is on her third husband. She’s an attractive and fun girl, kind of a Sienna Miller type if she actually ate and had some meat on her bones. Yellow Corn’s first hubby was her high school sweetheart, they were married a year and then got it annulled. Then, her second husband was a semi-pro baseball player who was on the road a lot and cheated on her. Now, she’s married to this really nice guy, Orange, who sells life insurance. He’s really tall and cute and they seem amazingly happy together – like she’s finally found her match. However...there’s their buddy Zucchini Blossom who she’s sleeping with on the side (Orange doesn’t know) and she says – get this...get ready for it – “it doesn’t count because Zucchini Blossom is gay and confused.” Well, no shit! Honey, if a man is sleeping with a woman, he’s not gay. So Yellow Corn is screwing around on Orange with a gay/bi-sexual guy. Is this just massively fucked or what?

Case Study #2: I Love You For Your Money: A story from the West Coast, Celery Root has been with Jicama for four years. About six months ago, they pooled their work savings together and bought this beautiful house near the ocean. They got loans to make the kitchen as state-of-the-art and had a special tech team to come in and wire the whole place and outfit it with stereo and television. It’s a mansion. See, Jicama works really, really high up at a record producer and makes ooo-goodles of money. Celery Root is happy as a receptionist here and there, nothing solid, because Jicama takes care of her. That was until...a week ago, Jicama comes home from a promotional event, sits Celery Root down on the couch and tells her, “I’m gay. I have been my whole life.” Sure, Celery Root is devastated, goes out and gets snockered with her friends, but you know what? She’s agreed to stay with Jicama. She likes her high on the hog lifestyle too much and doesn’t want to give it up. Instead, she’s willing to compromise her heart for The Almighty Dollar. Jicama told her he doesn’t want to sleep with her anymore and apparently Celery Root is okay with that ‘cause she thinks she can “change him back.” Like it’s a magic trick?! Wise up, Celery Root.

Case Study #3: Oh Baby: Chervil works back in research where she cranks out information for our software product. Really a fun girl and so full of life. However, she consciously made the choice many years ago that she didn’t want kids (health and all sorts of reasons) and she was lucky enough to find a guy, Bell Pepper, who totally agreed with her and had no problem with the no kids clause in their relationship. They got married, bought a great little condo overlooking the Charles River, they travel, they go out, they’ve got a great life. Until...Bell Pepper had a near-death experience. Well, he was on an airplane when the landing gear didn’t lock in place and they had an emergency landing that scared the shit out of him. He got back from the business trip and announced to Chervil that he wanted a baby, that “I can’t leave this earth without leaving something of me behind.” Well, Chervil had made it clear that kids weren’t an option for her. And Bell Pepper didn’t want to adopt either – he wanted his own little miniature Bell Pepper to continue on (like he’s so great that his DNA has to be preserved!) They argued, they got counseling, Chervil cried, they hashed, and they decided to stick to their original plan. That was until Bell Pepper (influenced by seeing something similar on “Desperate Housewives”) switched her birth control pills and purposely knocked her up. Chervil was apeshit! But what could she do? She’s miserable, she’s not healthy, she’s not even sure the baby will be healthy, but Bell Pepper is gloating because he got his way. She just shrugged and said, “oh well.” Oh well? I would have castrated the guy!

Case Study #4: Bad Guys Finish First: Well, this one is about me. I’m just as stupid as every other woman I know. We have this new software salesman at work who took over the Chicago territory when our sales chick who covered it left to have a baby. We’ll call him Papaya. He’s wicked cute, let me tell you what, and he dresses to the nines. Jet black hair, killer green eyes and a really nice butt. I admit, I’m a little obsessed with checking him out whenever I see him buzzing through the office. When he first started working here a few months ago, he’d come over, flash those perfect white teeth at me and charm me with that smile to help him with little projects, generate some leads for him or get him office supplies (which is NOT my job.) I was flirty, smiling back, crossing my legs towards him as we talked ‘cause that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? But Papaya turns out to be a dick. When I didn’t do something he asked, he got all moody and pissy at me. When I pass him in the hall, he looks the other way. When I see him in the kitchen getting a soda, he acts like I’m not there. But when he wants something from me, Papaya’s all oozing charm out of his ears. And I always do things for him. What is wrong with me? He’s a jerk! He’s not someone who would ever be attracted to me or I’d ever really want to date because his personality sucks, yet I still look around for him in the office and am disappointed when I find his chair empty. I need a lobotomy, honestly. Why is it the really good looking ones are always jerk offs? And why is it that we women are attracted to the bad boys? It makes no sense. Course, this is all only going on in my head, so nothing’s wrong with this, but obviously, I need to get over this Papaya crush and realize he’s nothing but a fruit smoothie.

So...phew!...there you go! Crazy, eh? We’re all insane. As Mugato said in Zoolander: “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”

Ah well, what can you do?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

I feel ripped off!!!!

2005-11-09T21:50:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Fuming.

I am pissed off at Tyra Banks.

I mean, it was bad enough that last week's episode of America's Next Top Model was a retrospective in the middle of the season, but tonight's episode (and don't read further if you don't want a spoiler), she totally dicked around with these stupid, unmemorable girls, Nicole and Jayla, and told them they were packing their bags. Then, she whipped out this picture with a British flag on it (you called it, Elizabeth!) and said "you're all going to Great Britian!" She totally fucked over the audience and I felt gypped.

Bad move, Tyra.

We tune in each week to see the challenges, to laugh at crazy alcoholic bitch Lisa and to see someone get eliminated and you totally jerked the carpet out from under us.

I want my money back. I'm going to get my cable bill and calculate exactly how much I paid for the episode and demand my money back from Comcast, UPN or Ms. Banks herself.

Am I the only one who feels ripped off?

I mean, I watch these reality shows for action, tears, cat fights and, dammit, elimination, and I didn't get that.

I am pleased to say that my faves: Kim, Nik and Bre are still in the running.

Okay...I'll calm down, but still...bad form Tyra!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Wanna be mesmerized?

2005-11-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

And I can't stop watching this...

http://www.brooklynbunny.com/

Enjoy!
Double Vee

Are you happy in your work?...

2005-11-08T07:45:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

There's this woman in South Station every morning handing out those annoying, free Metro newspapers. Every morning, she's at her post with a smile on her face, cheering out to people...

"Freeeeee paper! Freeeeeee Metro! Good Morning!"

She'll mix it up a bit depending on special occasions of time of day. She'll sprinkle in a "Go Vote today!" or a "Happy Fourth of July!" But always with the freeeeeee paper, freeeeeee Metro, Good Morning! mantra going strong.

This woman loves her job. She's happy in her work.

And the thing is...most of the people the Metro hires to hand out their papers are people who live in shelters, are underemployed or people trying to get their lives back on track. While the paper annoys the shit out of me (mainly because it's left on seats and the floor of the train), it's a good thing for people who need the jobs.

So, this woman who could hate the world and her plot in life, stands there every morning, greeting people and handing out free newspapers like it's God's work. Well, bless her heart.

In contrast, I get to work and one of our software engineers (whom I know makes a boatload in salary per year), storms into the kitchen, a Ziggy-like cloud of doom and gloom following in his wake. He's surly and complains about everything from the heat in the office to the strength or weakness of the free coffee in the kitchen. He's always mopping his face with his hand and sighing like Satan himself is forcing his way out of his chest. He slams his office door, he pounds on his keyboard and he yells at the other engineers to get updates and approvals on changes to our software product.

In essence, he's a miserable bastard.

He is not happy in his work.

Maybe he should meet the Metro Lady. The woman who proudly wears her newspaper apron and politely hands the complimentary rag to weary commuters. Maybe he should be grateful for his high-digit salary...the one that allows him to buy $4 cups of coffee to keep his fat ass going through the day.

So, I vow to be happy in my work. I'm a marketing coordinator and a damn good one at that. I know how to generate leads for our sales people that turn into prospects that turn into sales that turn into new customers. I know how to proof and edit newsletter, collaterals and web content. I know how to plan an event and organize everything from audio visual needs to catering to seating charts and room rates. Sure, it's stressful, but it's not called a job for nothing. And it helps pay all those credit card bills and that student loan that's teetering on the edge of default.

Ask yourself...are you happy in your work?

I sure hope so!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2005-11-05T14:05:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Here's a little something for your weekend...I'd be stranded on an island with him any day...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Crappy-ass day...

2005-11-03T20:00:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

As Whitney said to Bobby in episode three of "Being Bobby Brown" when they were in London...

"I'm not doing this with him...todaaaaaaaaaaaaaay."

I just don't feel like being funny or charming or snarky or bitchy or even advisory. I had a shit day at work. Doing and redoing things a thousand times just because people can't think ahead. So, in order to be the good blogger that I am, I offer you this blog quiz...

BUTTERFLY EYES

You have Butterfly
Eyes!
Positive Traits: Thoughtful,
Intelligent, Humble, Clever, Open
Minded
Negative Traits: Elitist,
Conceited, Apathetic, Cold, Sarcastic

Your eyes are the windows to your soul. What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Me? Conceited? Never. Not in this life. Apathetic...yeah, well...bite me. Sarcastic? Well, have you just started reading my blog?

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Everyone is f*cking pazzo...

2005-11-02T19:35:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Pazzo! It's a perfect word. Learn it. Know it. Use it. It's Italian for "crazy." And that's what everyone wandering the streets of Boston this morning was...fucking pazzo!

So, I get off the train, walk up the stairs and out into the masses of lemmings going to work just like me. Every morning, there's this tall, homeless man with an Au Bon Pain coffee cup who stands on the corner "preaching," complete with dramatic hand motions and fiery facial expressions. You really have to avoid his five foot arms as you walk by. But this morning, I walk by and he says, "Good morning pretty sister." Okay...that was nice...I smiled. Then, he takes his finger to the side of his nose, holds it over one nostril and the blows -- hard -- and a stream of snot projects out onto the street behind me. Ewwwwwwwwww...

I keep walking, clutching my novel (reading Sideways by Rex Pickett) to me because I haven't had time to stash it back in my bag.

Then, I get to my building and am about to go in the front door when this black-haired man in a battered soft brown leather jacket appears from no where behind the pillar. I look at him. He looks at me. I side-step of of his way. And what does he do? Does he say "sorry" or "go ahead?" No...hell no...you know what he says to me?

Pazzo Man: "Put the fucking book away, you c*nt."

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

I'm not even kidding!

Never in my life have I ever been called that word. At least, not to my face.

Shocked and astounded, I turn, mouth fallen open and I scream out at him,

"Kiss my assssssssssssssssssssssssss!"

He mumbles something incoherently and then stumbles along.

But I'm mortified because right behind him is our Senior VP for Client Services. He said, "Vanessa, are you okay?" Well, I wasn't. I was shaking like a leaf. He said "What just happened?" So, I told him. It turns out, that Pazzo Man is a "regular" at our building. He forages through the ashtray seeking unsmoked cigarette butts. I'm told that he's even tried to take cigarettes away from people as they've been standing out in front of the building smoking. He's homeless. He's crazy. But man, he's dangerous.

Guess that'll teach me getting to work early, eh?

Only to me...this shit only happens to me...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Moving on...

2005-11-01T18:45:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Well, after weeks of pretend-dating Darcy Tucker of the Toronto Maple Leafs, I've decided to move along. It's just time for me to start pretend-dating someone else. After all, it's a new month, a new me.

I did get to see Darcy play last week here in Boston. Here are some pics of him, just for old time's sake. The Leafs didn't win, which told me that Darcy's love for me just wasn't real enough. So, while I'll cheer him on the rest of the year, it's time for me to move on.

Here he is looking up in the crowd for me...

Here he is trying to play hard to get...

Here he is with his game face on...

And here he is, trying to impress me by slamming some Bruin into the boards...

It was fun while it lasted. So, who should I pretend-date next? Any suggestions? The world of men is literally my oyster!

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Because it's Halloween...

2005-10-31T11:50:00.000-05:00

...thought I'd scare you a little with the stupidity of people.

From The Scoop, here's Kenny Chesney searching for an appropriate metaphor to describe his divorce from Renée Zellweger:

"It was like opening the door to our house and having someone come in and take your big-screen TV off the wall during the big game, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Which got me thinking...okay...for fun, what do you think his next song will be?

Where Did You Go (and What Time is Kick Off?)

Our Love Went from HDTV to Analog

I Can't Find The Remote -- or You

Just Like The Cable Bill, Our Love is Overdue

More from me later...hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2005-10-29T13:29:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Sorry about the silence of the internet waves. Promise to fill you in Monday on all that's been going on.

In the meantime, here's your weekend eye candy. Raoul Bova. Remember him? The hunk, Marcello, from Under the Tuscan Sun? He can serve me limoncello any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Dialing it in...

2005-10-26T18:01:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

I don't really have much to say or report from my lackluster day, so why not entertain yourself with a fun blog quiz. I haven't posted one of these for a while. Take a shot at it and see how you rate.

Tomorrow night, I won't be blogging until really late. I'm headed off to the Leafs/Bruins hockey game to see my pretend boyfriend, Darcy Tucker, in person. Don't worry...I'll get plenty of pictures!

Have fun with the quiz and hang loose,
Double Vee

Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker

Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm"
You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone...
Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-)

You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear.
Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing.
The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person.

Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life.
You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face.
Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life*

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Shiver me timbers...

2005-10-25T17:45:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

In full bitch, moan and carp mode.

Boston is getting its ass kicked with a Nor'easter that's blowing through town. No, it's not a hurricane and no, it's not leaving four feet of snow, but it's nasssstay baby. So nasty that it gnarled traffic in every direction this morning from north to south to west and what little east there is. You'd think Bostonians would understand by now that some shit happens and the streets get wet and that they'd learn to drive on a wet street, but no...no. Non. The T can't move. The roads are parking lots. And people pull into the office an hour late.

For example:

Celine in research - her commute from Arlington took an hour and ten minutes
Harold in engineering - lives in Cohasset on the South Shore and his commute took two hours and ten minutes. Two hours???
Reagan in sales - her commute from Marblehead on the North shore took an hour and forty minutes
Vanessa in Cambridge - her commute took an hour and twenty minutes

This is not a big city! What is wrong with us? What happens to New Englanders where our brains fall our of our heads and we can't drive, walk, steer or park when there's precipitation on the asphalt or tracks.

Then I hear people at lunch saying, "Oh, you know this is residuals from Wilma."

Bullshit.

Hurricane Wilma hit Florida yesterday. Yesterday, people. A hurricane can not miraculously traverse up the east coast over night and park in Boston Harbor. Sure, the atmosphere is a bit fucked and the jet stream's off its ass combining all these storms, but get over it people, this is not Wilma. You have no idea what a hurricane or hurricane force winds are like. I know...I lived through a Cat 4 (Opal) when my father was stationed in the south. It's nothing like this.

But, according to my friend, Michelle who lives on the South Shore, all the major news organizations have their little vans with giant antennas parked on Wollastan Beach to capture the waves and this one boat that blew up on shore. They have the obligatory poor, pathetic reporter (garbed in weatherproof sports gear) standing out there saying brilliant things like, "it's really coming down out here" or "I've never seen waves like this!" Give 'em Emmys and Pulitzers immediately.

Here are the hard, cold facts:

We live in New England.
We get bad weather.
Roads get wet.
Winter is long.
Bundle up and live with it or move to a red state.

'Nuff said. I'm bundling up with my sweats, a thick pair of socks, a glass of tawny port (this shit is amazing!!!) and an episode of My Name is Earl.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Just another manic Monday...

2005-10-24T18:25:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Hope everyone had a great weekend. I know I did! And I look forward to this great week! My boss gave me the company's special club tickets to the hockey game here in town Thursday night featuring the Boston Bruins vs. the Toronto Maple Leafs. You know what that means, eh? I'll get to see my pretend boyfriend (yes, we're still dating), Darcy Tucker, in the flesh!

And something really, wicked cool...I made the BOSTON GLOBE blog log for the third time! Isn't that just the neatest thing? It was on my observations on The Messy Man on the Red Line. Thanks for the props, Boston Globe!

Not much to report today, time to go eat some of William's homemade spaghetti sauce and crack open a bottle of Pinot Noir. Must be from watching Sideways three times this weekend.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Weekend eye candy...

2005-10-22T10:03:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

Hope you're having a great weekend.

I have no idea who this guys is, but let's just say, someone left the stud out in the rain...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

Girl's Night Out...

2005-10-21T19:00:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

It's Friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiday, baby! And I thought I'd blog before I head out for the evening with Griz and William. We're going out to dinner and dancing. And yes, I'm sure there will be some alcohol involved.

I just love having great friends to go out with. Last night was Girl's Night Out here in Boston. This group called StyleFixx brings in all of these independent boutiques and vendors and such to the Cyclorama over on Tremont Street in the South End. There's all sorts of stuff: purses, belts, makeovers, earrings, lotions and other gal stuff.

So, Griz and I headed over to downtown from Cambridge after work and met up with our friend H. (She's shy and would rather I not blog about her.) H. has just broken free of a bad relationship she was in for a while and we felt she needed a girl's night out. We started at the Parish Cafe with a glass of Sterling Chardonnay and a plate of vegetarian potstickers. H. flirted with the bartender some, so it's nice to see she's putting herself out there. Griz knocked her wine glass over and broke it. Geesh, you can't take that girl anywhere!

Then, we walked down to Clarendon and allllllllllll the way down to Tremont. Quite a hike, but it was fun. We were chatting and cutting up and talking to these tourists who were walking behind us looking for a particular restaurant. Well, yours truly here wasn't looking where she was going an fell ass over tit in a gaping hole in the sidewalk -- gotta love those well-tended Boston sidewalks -- and I rolled ever so demurely into the street and under the front bumper of this parked car. My purse, miraculously, stayed shut, but the $20 in my pocket flew out. H. stomped it with her booted foot to keep it from going anywhere. The nice tourist man offered me a hand and helped me up. What a Grace! Fortunately, the only thing hurt was my pride and some stinging on my palms.

We get to Cyclorama, wine back up with our free drink coupons and hit the tables. Griz got an Aveda makeover and H. found a belt to match her purse. I bought some $5 earrings and then we we hit the food stand for this yummilicious spinach pie bites. We made the rounds again and hit the Cookie Lee jewelry table. Awesome stuff...let me tell you!

And I had a TV swoon moment! At this one table, this chick looked very familiar to me and I asked her if we knew each other. Then it hit me! She was Harmony from the Food TV Network's Next Food Network Star show. She was the blonde with the long pigtails. She was so amazingly sweet and I think she got tickled pink that I fawned over her like I did. Her mother makes jewelry in Vermont and they came down for that. Sooooo cool!

Then, Griz found the Passions table full of sensual oils, message gloves and...yes, dildos. Being the good friends that we are, Griz and I chipped in together and bought H. a while, pearl-encrusted "friend." Hey, it's been a long time for her and she needs this! (Come to think of it...no, not going there...) The lady at the table demoed it for us -- not like that!!! -- and made us hold it. Apparently, the rolls of strung pearls on the inside, well, they, errr...add to the pleasure. H. was blown away by the gesture, named it Pearl Bailey and said she'd test it out.

We used our last drink coupon (and no, we're not alcoholics, just out having fun) and then got a cab to Houston's at Faneuil Hall where we celebrated H.'s new-found freedom and being back on the market with a bottle of Gloria Ferrer champagne and the best goddamned French fries in Boston. (Mayo to dip in, of course.) In fact, our waiter, Derrick, was really taken with H. and they flirted, had a good time and are going out next weekend.

Needless to say, I felt like ass all day until I chomped down the greasy steak and cheese sandwich sandwich from the Greek place around the corner, but it was a great night with great friends having a lot of fun.

I highly encourage each of you to have a girl's night. Get your friends together. Have a wine tasting party or a jewelry party, or hell, invite the Passion ladies over.

Time to head out for the evening...

Hang loose,
Double Vee

A quick fly-by for fun...

2005-10-20T22:00:00.000-05:00

Thought this was cute...

-----------------Forwarded Message-------------------

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) , prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

An industrialized world...

2005-10-19T20:30:00.000-05:00

Vanessa here...

I'm a bad blogger today. Busy, busy day at work. Meetings, meetings, meetings. Never a dull moment and barely had time to pee today, much less try and come up with a creative blog. You people put too much stress on me! *giggle*

Important day at work today as we "practiced" our evacuation and resumption of business plan. Sure, a terrorist attack could occur, but goddammit, my company will keep on selling!

And, I went to have dinner with Mia (my old roommate who is noticeably preggers now) and her new hubby, Larkin. They live on this small bay in Quincy (south shore, south of the city) and we were supposed to have cocktails (orange juice for Mia) on the balcony before dinner, but there was this big-assed, friggin' ORANGE fuel tanker out in their harbor that was emanating a piercing sound that would give hives to dogs. Check this thing out:

Is that the most God-awful ugly thing you've ever seen? It's from Singapore or something. And apparently, in their new digs, they get tankers like this all the time. I think their baby is going to glow or something. I mean, look at how tiny the tug is in the picture!

Ah well...as much as I love Mia, not a very exciting night. But tomorrow night, I'm headed out with my chicas to a StyleFixx evening of cocktails, appies, makeovers and lots of shopping! Should be fun.

What do you enjoy doing with your friends? I'm sure it's not staring at big, orange oil tankers.

Hang loose,
Double Vee

The Adventures of Vanessa Virtue

A fond farewell...

I knew it all along...and another gripe...

Madge and Me...

Which to choose...

You expect me to blog on a holiday weekend?

Holy crap, it's a post from me!!!

Take off...to the Great White North!

Virtue's Anatomy

Happy Easter, everyone!

Come back to me!...

The Celebration Continues...

Weekend eye candy...

We interrupt The Adventures of Vanessa Virtue...

When the lights go down in the city...

On to something more interesting...

My left foot...

Just for the fun of it...

Physiology 101...

The $hit-rain continues to fall...

Advice to Boston's panhandlers...

Weekend eye candy...

Incapacitated...

It's a head scratcher...

Weekend eye candy...

When bored tourists take pictures...

Project Runway Night...

Valentine's for one...

In my absence...

You make the call...

I'm at a loss...

I *heart* local champions...

Let there be connectivity!

Messy Man Reappeareth...

Random Acts of Kindness...

Don't you just love the Internet?...

Am I the only one confused?...

Weekend eye candy...

I'm loosing faith in my fellow man...

Karma's a beatch...

Someone buy me stock in Nyquil...

"My Life" meme...

Weekend eye candy...

Wednesday night recap...

Jesus walked me home Friday night...

Weekend eye candy...

I'm spent...

Giving a whole new meaning to dumber than dirt...

Lord have merci beaucoup...

Let's talk television...

Weekend eye candy...

Caught in the act...

Food for thought...

Der Kommisar's in town...

A brand new year!

Holiday Wishes to All!

A little Christmas fun...

Making progress...

I think I've taken it too far...

Homo for the holidays and my crush dilemma...

The Human Dog...

Santa ain't got nothin' on me...

To pass the time away...

Weekend eye candy...

America's Next Top Dumb@ss...

The first flakes...

Tis the season...

The funniest man alive...

What would we do without "controversy?"...

My (pretend) date with a movie star...

The fall out continues...

The shitteth hath hitteth the fan...eth...

Pre-holiday humor...

My new pretend boyfriend...

Happy Birthdays are in order!

Weekend eye candy...

All hail the new grape!...

Is he or isn't he?...

Random thoughts on a Wednesday...

Things to do on a rainy day...

I heart local champions...